When Cycles Collide

i've been watching my patterns and cycles of depression more closely lately....

it's a lot easier now to identify my triggers and practice has made it easier to deal with them sometimes....

it is interesting to note that certain ideas, memories, objects have two distinct abilities in affecting my emotions...

an array of emotions between 'up' and 'down'....

sometimes i will be on a very good flow, feeling at peace and feeling positive and that all is exactly as it should be, that i am healing very well, and hope abounds with promise...

and then one something will invade my thoughts and the wave will spin, and turn.... the cycles collide... creating a visual for me like ocean waves crashing on the rocks.....

i then dream about the cycle of my depression and visualise a rolling wave.... to be inside the cycle and rolling with it.... and the water speeds up.....

then there is an undertow facotr where i fear drowning....... and i fight against currents so much stronger than myself....

then i am thankful to be able to breathe air.......

this is a flashback from a near death experience i had as a teen while almost drowning.....

((fuzzybear))))

That was so personal and vivid. Thank you for that.

Cyran0

thank you Cy... still fighting it too my friend....

(((((((((((((((nwtr))))))))))))))))

((Christina)))

(((((((((((Darrell))))))))))

((((((((((((((((((nowheretorun))))))))))))))))))))))))

BB

(((((nowheretorun))))))))))ML
keep breathing , air is good
keep fighting
you matter

yes i agree with you that life is unexpectable it is not praditible at all

you know i have read that the greatest masters are always pradictibel they have stability

good luck with this work i know how it is i am working on that too, only more with anger than with de[ression

((Jacq))) thank you, you kind person you.. i am mindful of a good friend...

((BB))) thank you for your caring thoughts BB... it is good to see you...

((muffy)) i am breathing hon, thank you LM

((LadyM))) so right you are, that life is unpredictable... i imagine a very good master to be capable of very great deeds, and predictability definitely would be one they practiced... i bet one could get very good at it : )

i worked at it awhile and found that my anger is always caused when i am in emotional pain first... the anger comes quickly after a slow build up and then when it is released, i have a rush of emotion and thought that i cannot remember in chronological order afterwards..

for me, i have been able at times to use the flashpoint, the moment between emotional pain and anger, as a sort of 'navigating' point..like i slow down my thoughts...

it takes concentration and practice, but i get that rush of thoughts to slow down and i can make my reaction to the thing that triggered me change..... i have to make my thoughts go pretty slow, but its getting better with practice...

when i can do that, i can look at the thing that caused me the emotional pain... i can avoid the irrationality of free anger... and i can remember what it was that disturbed me in the first place, which allows me to work on the details of that particular issue... i'm learning too..

im not sure if any of that is useful to you... i hope some little part might be...

im wishing the best for all of you...

thanks for caring