[greenpepper]

Sitting in the support chat room alone, knowing im sinking.....every so often i click the big eyeball and see people shuffle around the rooms..........i dont blame anyone for not stopping in the visit with me or support me....im not worth it...and who wants heaviness on friday nite....

tgif - right? at work joining the normaltons and do the tgif dance...everyone bids everyone good weekend all smiles and converstaions of all the plans they have- i keep the plastic smile planted and nod as i hear about their plans......

i'm almost busting to get out of work and plop in my car....the stress and huge struggle all week even to show up to work let alone do my job is lifted some - i'm exhausted from struggling all week....i get home to a dark house, just me...no one to share my day with.......no hugs, cant remember the last hug...........every friday night i sit in my recliner chair and i weigh the reasons to live and the reasons to die........i wont go into how there's not much on one list in here........the weekend a time SHOULD BE HAPPY TIME...not for me - i crash dive even deeper into depression than during the week.

So i find this place.....and when i first came to the rooms, people talked to me........just like every other area in my life, once you get to know me, you reject me.............its taken me quite awhile to write this........many eyeballs.......many tears.......and alone i still sit.....even in here i hear about your hubby's wife's children and your dog named spot.........i think its great you are all distant cousins to the waltons.......sorry im getting agitated..........a couple more eyeball clicks and once again people shift................over an hour.......not one visitor............im beyond emotions now........

i hate the weekends, i hate the workweek, i hate me............

[Christina86]

((((((((((((((greenpepper)))))))))))))))) I'm sorry nobody came in to support you. You can also ask in whatever room that there is a lot of people if someone would be willing to follow you in.

If you ever want to chat to me, please send me a PM okay?

[Pseudonym]

I'm SO Sorry, GP! Chatting with you has never been anything but wonderful. I'm sorry I wasn't there tonight, at least when you were on. Please accept my apologies, and like Christina, my PM is always open. I check that a lot more compulsively than the chat.

I know exactly what you mean, promise. It's nearly 2am here, but I will come back tomorrow morning and write more.

*hug*

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((( greenpepper )))))))))))))
I'm sorry you were in support chat alone, I've enjoyed chatting to you and would never ignore you. I also know exactly how you feel. PM me if you ever want to chat

[bipolar_bear]

I am sorry that you were in support chat alone. I am not much of a chatter but please PM me any time even if it is to come chat.

BB

[puckyjan56]

greenpeppers, I always check the chat rooms. No one was there when I looked. Maybe I just missed you. Keep checking ok. pj56

[Pseudonym]

Sorry it took so long - had a busy day.

Please don't think that we weren't there because you did or said something that bothered us. As I said earlier, I've never had any reason at all to think that I wouldn't like talking to you.

I really sympathize with your feelings of being something of a social outcast. I often look at other people and misunderstand their normality. Even here in the chat room, what you might see as the trappings of a good life - hubby, kids, good job, etc. - they exist but they're not always good things, and we're all still suffering from our respective problems. Some of us don't even have jobs to have a weekend from.

Christina's right, though: If you're hurting, you can't be too prideful to come in and ask someone to help you out. I haven't seen a time yet when no one accepted. It may be helpful to remember that even PC, with its great community of truly loving people, isn't always going to be available for you. We help where and when we can, but putting all your eggs in the PC basket is a recipe for additional unhappiness, if I can stretch the metaphor a bit.

We all feel down about ourselves sometimes, and it's ok. I hate my weekends too. Try not to think of them as SHOULD-BEing a happy time, if the disappointment gets to be too great. But the next time you feel like hating yourself, why not try writing a PM to me, or anyone else who has offered? We all still love you, no questions asked. =)

*hug* - see you soon

[greenpepper]

Thanks christina, ps, fuzzybear, bb and pj56 ! !

i've written a few posts in here before and deleted them, not sure why, maybe cuz im ashamed or embarrassed how i feel - that it makes me vulnerable. Your responses tho really helped me, thank you for each one - glad i didn't erase the post. Ummm, some of you may get an IM one day - it means alot that you offered.

You got me thinking with alot of your comments. It's so hard for me to ask for help when im hurting - so afraid i'll be made fun of or ignored - never thought it was pride - but it probably is partly pride. Ya and I suppose even the Waltons might have a bad hair day....lol.

[DePressMe]

greenpepper, I am not in the depression forum much and I don't hang out in chat. But, I am on PC most of the weekend. Feel free to PM me--sometimes it helps just to make a connection. We can talk about serious stuff or just chat about whatever. I also live alone...I took Friday off work, so I have not even seen another person since Thursday....and then, just because they were at work together. Hang in there.

[I_miss_my_kitty]

hey i'm sorry to hear that i'll gladly talk to you whenever you need to talk and i'm online sadly though i'm not online on Friday nights cause i'm not allowed to be on the computer then.

GP...Migraine!

I was on PM with you and you disappeared.....I am sorry if I did not see you, but when you disappeared, I thought I was out of it too! I left chat upset too.

I am sorry...we must have missed the connection.

I really like talking with you.....you have always been willing to talk with a newbie like me.

I am sorry something got confused in the PM last night....

[greenpepper]

phewwwwwwww Rip.....apologies more than accepted - im sorry too....thought you were upset with me.........its a bummer connections got mixed up,.......just so you know - i enjoy talking to you too......

Yup depressme........ haven't communicated with a 'live' human since Friday at work.......its Sunday now.....and the 'oh noooooo' gotta work tomorrow sinking feeling is beginning to kick in (and its only morning- eyerolls).............

thanks EHkittys for your support .....

today the goal is to actually get shower and get dressed even if i just go for a short walk in the rain....might even send an IM or too...

can ya tell i just discovered these iconthingies???? .......... this one is really close to how im doing....my life feels like the titanic sinking down down down.....or i can consider i have my very own luxury boat and can cruise anywhere i wanna go in life.........and like the bird on my head drives me crazy pecking away at my brain (leaving 'unmentionables' on my head)........or can think of it that even in the most desolate spot, i'm not alone that I have company (you guys are my birds this weekend ...:P)......