[Miles_Oz]

Stumbled upon this place awhile back and am finally here.

Not sure what is all here yet and haven't had a lot of time to look through. Sure everyone here has seen most things, so maybe someone can help direct me to what I'm looking for.

I've had this general drowning numb feeling for years. Its not that I don't want to do things I just don't have the "courage" to face criticism which cripples me from going out and doing better for myself. I constantly feel people are judging me in a negative way even in the face of compliments and if they seek me out to spend time. Even when I'm having "fun" my mind is constantly focussed on the worst parts of me or what new problem on my horizon.

I desperatelly want help, but am unemployed (happened a couple of weeks ago) and don't feel like I can afford a doctor. I'm really really sick of feeling this way and need something to move on.

....so is this the right section for me and is there anyone who knows of options for a person like me either online or off?

[mak62184]

I feel your pain. I am almost the exact same way. I feel like it is really hard to trust people. But, the first thing you should do to help yourself is to find a new job, even if it is something miniscule. Anything is better than nothing. You also need to start thinking of yourself in a more positive light, and if others tell you different, don't listen. I just wish I could take my own advice, but I'm trying to be better.

[Miles_Oz]

I got unemployment insurance so I'm going to take some time to hopefully get a job that doesn't suck quite as bad all my previous ones.

I'm just really clueless as to the world of options open to help for my disorder. Not trying to be dramatic, but I'm really worried by some of the things I've been thinking lately these last few years and they get worse and worse and more and more frequent and vivid.

Really not sure were this is going, but I have to admit I'm not liking it. I feel like I am approaching some point of no return and would like something there for me before I get there.

Honestly clueless to what that is or how a guy like me can get it.

[mak62184]

It is never easy. I actually knew I had a problem with depression and anxiety for years, but of course to make myself look normal, I was in denial, until I started having panic attacks 2 years ago. I was lucky to even bother to go to classes 70% of the time during the week. Things got better for awhile, but now it's all downhill again.

But definitely try to see a professional, if you can. Unfortunately for me, I don't have insurance right now, so I can't afford to go either. But I did get a book the other day that I'm hoping will help me out. This feeling of being a worthless loser has gone on long enough and it really is affecting me.