[anna342]

I feel so exhausted from just being low. I just want to fade away and not have to deal with the constant pressures to be a someone. I love to many people to do anything again, but I'm hurting inside so much.

It's not even crying sadness, just blank laying and being somewhere without feeling like you have any purpose or effect on anything.

My mind is trying to understand and do the therapy, but it's hard. Dealing with the things I find the most upsetting and bad about just seems to lead to dead ends. I don't find answers, I just get confused about what I'm really feeling and thinking. I'm lost. Nothing is clear, I don't even know what I want right now except peace.

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((( anna342 )))))))))))))))

[pegasus]

I hope things get better for you soon, hang in there (((((((( anna )))))))))

[bluenarciss]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
anna342 said:
I feel so exhausted from just being low. I just want to fade away and not have to deal with the constant pressures to be a someone. I love to many people to do anything again, but I'm hurting inside so much.

It's not even crying sadness, just blank laying and being somewhere without feeling like you have any purpose or effect on anything.
...
I don't find answers, I just get confused about what I'm really feeling and thinking. I'm lost. Nothing is clear, I don't even know what I want right now except peace.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Dear anna342,

I believe I know what you mean. It is now 10 years that I feel tired and exhausted. But in those 10 yrs there were a few days I felt better, almost the old one. Being tired brings down, everybody, even those who don't feel hurt or constantly pressurized.

If you do not find answers so far, that does not mean there are no answers at all. Give yourself time and a lot of patience, don't pressure on yourself, please! You cannot be lost as long as you do not give up yourself. So be patient! Be your best friend! Best friends do not become impatient, if you're down or tired. They will wait and go through these times together.

Sometimes things simply are not simple or clear. Accepting that for the moment can be very releasing and comforting. There will be the time, when things clear up and you will know and feel that for sure.

It is not always possible to "lead" one's own life. Sometimes life itself takes the lead, and all we can do is step back, listen and watch what happens. And use the time to relax and recover and regain strength for leadership again. Somewhere I read, it would be helpful to see life as a teacher and oneself as a scholar of life. I found that thought quite consoling. I hope it can help you a little, too.

Do we really need to have constantly a purpose or effects on everything around us? I don't think so. We have the right to say no, according to our actual conditions. We constantly have the right to make a break. Life is more than a distressing job, especially our own life. And we have the responsibility for our lives. So there has to be a way to decide when to take a break, if and as long as (!) needed. So, please give yourself the time you need. Let a little loose, this could help!

Hold on, you are never lost or alone,
bluna

[RozG]

((((((anna))))))

[nowheretorun]

(((((((anna))))) wishing you peace

[mountainstream]

(((((((anna)))))))

[Soidhonia]

(((ANNA))). I hope things get better for you soon. I am sorry that you are struggling with all of this at this time. I hope you feel better soon. Just take things one day at a time until you are feeling better. Take care (((ANNA))). PM anytime. Soidhonia

[puckyjan56]

I agree Anna, you can feel so down and out then something will get through and you'll start to feel better. PC is a wonderful place if you find thinking hard to do. i just post in general about hoe my mops were broken and i had three great ideas to clean my floors. keep posting and you will feel beteer. hang in there,,,,,,,,,,,,pj56...........xxoo

[ziggy1]

(((((anna342))) Hang in there....sorry your feeling so down.

[anna342]

Thank you for all your words of encouragement. It's nice to feel slightly less alone especially when the world seems to be caving in on you. xxx

[anna342]

I was supposed to see my psychiatrist today, but she forgot me. Now I feel more worthless than ever. I just want it to all go away, I can't even get someone to help with asking. All so pointless and dumb. I don't know I can do this much longer, I feel like i'm going to snap and give in to sabotaging everything around me.

[bluenarciss]

Hey anna342,

I feel with you. This must have been very disappointing and frustrating, since you definitely need to meet your P. But please do not let your bad feelings overwhelm you. Things like that happen incidentally, and you know that is nobody's fault or intention.

There is no reason at all to feel worthless or even more worthless than usual. Your P wants to bring you up, not down, and I am sure she feels really sorry for missing you.

You feel like you are going to snap. Your emotions are loose right now, and they are running wild. This is in a way completely normal! You need help and comfort right now, you need it urgently, and so your feelings are urgent.

But you are NOT what you feel! Feelings come and go again - always. Even the terribly painful ones. Help and relief will come. And then your feelings will soften and calm down again.

Let them run. Let them come and say to them: Hi, I acknowledge you, I got your message, I accept you are here now, be my guest if you like, and farewell when the time comes. You are the master, not your "guests". Watch your visitors, be kind. They will leave as soon as they are sure that their message has been understood. They don't want anything else but being heard once.

It is like a deep ocean: On the surface may be a big storm, but a little deeper there is calmness and safety, and one can stay there watching the big waves above come and go and rage like mad, until the storm is over.

You are not worthless at all, take this simply and basically for granted!

Hugs,
bluna

[anna342]

Thank you, your responses make a lot of sense to me. I tend to escalate negative thoughts into things that are worse and worse, especially when I'm tired. I guess that's pretty normal.

Sleep deprivation and the level of stress i'm under at the moment isn't helping. I've had time to calm down since my post, and at least I have a bit of hope now.