I'm in tears right now

I am just so shaken right now my face is twitching and I'm panicking. I can't stop my face from twitching.

I was sitting at the bus stop with a friend waiting for her bus to come so she could head home and this german woman comes up to me and starts speaking english. She starts asking me questions "are an american? are you in the army? what are you doing here? " in a pretty condescending manner. Then she starts getting aggravated and asking me more questions "Why are you studying here? Do you think you are alone [as in america is the only country that matters?]? What do you want to study for?"

Then the girl I'm with politely says "We're students at the university" and then woman just taps her with her umbrella "and says I'm not speaking to you! respect me! I'm speaking with him"

and by this point people are gathering around

I don't know what she wanted me to say. She obviously wanted me to admit that everythings our fault or something. She clearly had something against us and she didn't even know us.

I handled the situation as best as I could and asnwered her politely. I didn't want to cause a secene or make it worse than it really was. She just kept making it akward and she wanted to take it out on us.

then when she just didn't get the satisfaction of making me look bad, she started to walk away. And I said yes thank you, it was nice meeting you, just trying to be polite. Then she says "and what is your name?" I told her my name and then she told me hers and then she left. I was just shocked.

The people around me started saying things like "dont' worry about it, she's just crazy." And then I could tell, I was just a poor american in the wrong place at the wrong time.

I played it off rather cooly and sat there until the bus come to pick up my friend, but the whole time I was ready to cry inside. My face was twitching because I was trying to keep a smile even though it hurt.

Now i'm in my room crying my eyes out, because this just did not helps things and the problems I'm already having. My face won't stop twitching and I'm having a panic attack. I know this feeling and I just don't know wha tto do right now.

Try and think about it this way: everyone has an opinion, and most form opinions based upon very simple data and not all the facts. And then...there are those people who, perhaps like this woman, have been this way all their lives (outspoken, rude?) and treat everyone the same. If this is the first instance this has happened, consider yourself fortunate. Now breathe...it wasn't personal, she would have done that to any American she chose I bet.

Yeah but it was me. This is why I think I'm cursed, because this stuff didn't happen to anyone else. It happened to me. I'm just so shaken up by this right now, its something I really really could have done without......

(((hugs))) But it does happen to others. And it happens to those visiting other countries ... different cultures, different rules of engagement, different expectations....

Oh sure, no one likes to be confronted, even when it isn't a valid reason. I surely don't either.

I'm thinking this has reminded you of something within your self... for it to be so strong a reaction?

With everything that's going on right now, and everything that I know I need to do when i get back home, it's all building up inside me. NOt only do I have 21 years of crap that needs therapy, but today just added to that pile. I don't handle these types of situations very well, it's just like when I had my first nervous breakdown at 17, it's all starting over again. I waited in the support chat but no one showed up. I dont' have anyone to talk to in real life and I can't get to therapy until I come back to the states in august.

I was having a panic attack just like I used to. It's a familiar feeling...undeniable.

Ok.. how about NOT putting this onto the pile?

Ok, you had a panic attack. It will pass...and if you work on this until it's mellowed out, it won't add to being afraid of strangers and how they might be rude and inconsiderate in the future.

This was an isolated event, this time. What did your friend say afterwards?

You might benefit from printing out the 10 common cognitive distortions that are stick posted at the top of the (Psychotherapy) forum.

Right now, you are catastrophizing. You are expecting things to go down hill that it's all like it was before and going downhill...

You can stop that thinking, you can...you have that power. Even if you say STOP out loud... and correct the thought, it will help. (Thought stopping.)

This was an isolated incident for you today. Yes, it caused a big reaction in you. But you weren't harmed. They were just words. Would you invite that lady to lunch? Probably not, she doesn't sound like a nice person, does she? Maybe she just had a fight with her husband and took it out on you?

It sounds to me like you handled yourself really well! You didn't spit on her did you? You didn't beat her to a pulp did you? You were gracious and kind... and did well. And it is in the past. It's over.

Hope this helps.

She was frightened, because the lady was getting pretty forceful, especially when she snapped at her for interrupting.

that was the first major panic attack I've had in a long while. I was physically twitching it was that bad. I know it will all calm down after today, but I just can't stop thinking about it. It plays over and over.

I think I need to admit myself when I get back home. I just need a time and place where I can get the help I need and get things in order. I need to speak with a therapist.

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It plays over and over.

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I know.

You need to either sit down for a while and think about nothing BUT this situation. THEN tell yourself that's enough, and put it up on a shelf and stop thinking about it (and stop yourself from thinking about it.) Distract yourself, find things to do that require your full focus (computer games, movies whatever!) You can always take it back down off the shelf and review it if you find it useful.

I think you are doing ok, personally. I realize this has affected you negatively, but as you noted, you have gone a long time without a major panic attack...so you are healing! You are doing well. Hopefully you will go just as long or longer before any other panic attack like this.

I'm only healing in the sense that I learned to get better at believing my own lies. But this whole trip has been nothing but an eye opener to my end. I've had nothing but misfortune after misfortune and I think it's time that I finally come clean with family and friends and seek help before I do anything else to harm myself. I know that sounds like the right idea, but it's idealistic.

Realistically, I'll just bury everything deep inside again, like I always do and then just wait until another disaster brings out the demons. I don't know how much longer I can take of that. I still think about things that happened to me when I was eight, or last week, or now.

I'm going to email this therapist I was thinking about meeting with and tell her I want to setup a meeting in august. I now it's far from now, but at least I can have a set date to look forward too (in both joy and fear).

I like your optimism, it helps.

Hi Meccorad;
I don't think this woman meant anything, I once went though a class where you're told to ask question of people, and not assume things because you may assume the wrong thing. When you ask question you learn a lot through them. I also have some German in my blood line and so does my husband,and when I meant him, he had this look on his face, I like to call it, the stern German look (mean and scarry) which I've seen in my Grandmother and cousins faces when they didn't know you, but they turned out to be the kindness persons going. So don't let what or how she said things hurt you, they were only words and I bet she was just as scarred asking them.

No really, you don't understand. This was not just a friendly woman asking questions, she was literally treating us badly, like all the problems in the world were caused by Americans, namely us, (more specifically me).

The people around me new very well what she was doing and when she left they said "It's a shame that people like her are still around, don't worry nothing's your fault." I've never felt so alienated in all my life.

I'm sorry! But don't let her get to you, nothing is your fault she was just being mean, which now days most people blame others for there problems and lash out at anyone. You just happen to be her punching bag at that moment. Try to laugh it off, I know it will be very hard to do that, but you did nothing and have nothing to be sorry for.
I know how you feel, I've been many peoples punching bag for no reason and it too brought me to tears, but then I had to laugh and just think, It's not my fault they were just being jerks!

Yeah I tried to laugh it off after it was over, but it was just a front for how I was really feeling. I don't know why she had to pick me....she probably thought I was a US soldier. There's a small reserve here in this town....

I bet you have a sweet face and she just felt you were the better target to pick on.

I think it's because she heard us speaking english with on another....and of course because I was the guy, she figured she could just go for it...

I don't understand why people do these things, especially to random people.

((((((((((((((((( meccorad ))))))))))))))))))))
I'm sorry that lady treated you and your friend that way, she sounds mean to me. I have panic attacks too and situations seem to bother me a long time after they are after.

Hey meccorad, CHIN UP.

It's like so wrong timing, eh? Coinciding just when you think you're cursed, then this happens. But you know what, things happen, you choose what you want to after it. ;] I know, it's so not easy and I'm being idealistic here....

Listen to a nice music to calm yourself whenever you're in a panic mode. I don't know if that will work out with you. Just my two cents. Hope you're feeling a lot better now. ;]

[/i]<font color="purple">Clandestine</font>[/i]

I don't know how to explain this, but there's always been weird coincidences in my life. I call them Omens. I'm not one for religion or mystics, but this stuff always seems to happen to me. It's like the cosmos line up to tell me things and then bad things happen. I pretty much knew that when that lady chose me out of all the other people around, it was an omen to get home, get help, and move on.

So many bad things have happened these past couple months...it just got to a point where I just couldn't believe my eyes.

It was too surreal.

Real understanding between people from different nations doesnt happen that much as we might suppose actully and its not hard for an alien to take on a bias towards a man from another country especially in a modern world such as we live in.
An alien might get all the negative image of a nation like USA from biased media and unreal movie.
This woman actully made herself an arrogant fool by acting the way she did.
No panic.

It might be a good thing in the end, you know. You have to be strong for yourself, too, meccorad ;]

<font color="purple">Clandestine</font>