[AllyH88]

I really need some advice. I'm currently in-between therapists (I won't have one until the Fall) and I have no one to talk to.

I have this circle of friends (some are still kind of acquaintances) made up of former co-workers at a company I once worked for. Let's just say that I've always been at the fringe of this circle, meaning I get invited out for 'big' things, but mostly they're very close to each other. Anyway, I haven't disclosed my depression diagnosis to any of them so they don't know my take on this situation.

Tonight we had a BBQ and one girl who is usually at the center of attention was not there, but she came up as a topic of discussion. She has been going through a really difficult period recently, there have been some big changed in her life- her mom is sick, new job, etc... Anyway, she came up because one of the other women is really worried about her mental health. She thinks she might be depressed, which from personal experience is very possible.

To make a long story short, I just find myself completely JEALOUS of this girl. Jealous that these women are worried for her, that they care for her and want to do something to help her. Why didn't they do that for me? I had been suffering from depression for a number of years with plenty of suicidal ideation throughout and no one ever asked me if I was okay! No one ever seemed to think that there was anything wrong with me when the symptoms were so clear.

I feel like a complete ****** for feeling this way, but it makes me feel like people were willing to let me 'go' (die is probably a better word) , and this girl is too important for that. Her, they want to help. I feel guilty for having these thoughts. I'm no more important than she is. She deserves support as much as I did (even though I didn't have any. I went through the entire diagnostic process on my own).

I feel like crap. I miss my old pdoc so much, just because he was someone I could tell this too and now I'm stuck ruminating over these feelings all by myself.

Does anyone have an opinion? Is this part of what depression is, or am I just being cruel?

[Der_Sohn_des_Leides]

(((((AllyH88)))))

I've had several experences very, very similar to your's, as well. I think it's a pretty common reaction when depressed. It's really hard to see others get what we have needed for years, and have been struggling to get and have yet to find. This isn't necessarily an attempt to explain *why* you feel this way, but I've read some articles on the possible evolutionary origins of depression. Since humans are such social animals, when we feel deprived of what we need socially, we are apt to become depressed. Some scientists (I don't agree with this view entirely) argue that depression is a warning signal of sorts to other members of our social group, that we need help and attention, some tlc.

Like I said, I'm not trying to reduce what you feel to some kind of low-level biological mechanism. Rather, just trying to give you perspective: it's natural to feel jealous when our cries for help, as quiet or as loud as they may be, go unheeded, but others' get heard so quickly. I've struggled with this many, many times in the past, especially since I have Borderline Personality Disorder.

If you want to get rid of this feeling, or feel you need to, try looking at the situation in a different way. First, this woman is human just like you. She has needs, feelings, emotions, and secrets. For all you know, she may have been harboring these feelings of despair for much longer than the circumstances would seem to suggest. Secondly, maybe you can take this as a cue that your other coworkers would be receptive to your cries for help. It's tough to open up to people, but it may be just what you need. Or perhaps you can open up to this woman who you are now jealous of; extend your hand to her, and she might extend her's back as well.

Hope this helps, and hope I didn't sound preachy; I've struggled with this many times in the past. PM me if you wanna talk some more.

Take care,



J

[puckyjan56]

AllyH.I think what you are feeling is normal. You are important to the right people, us. We will support you and I'm sorry you are in between docs right now. PC cares about everyone and I do too. No one can experience what we go through on a day to day basis except us, right?.............puckyjan56........don't worry about them, ok?

[elizabeth101]

Don't feel like you're mean or cruel this is not only normal but human! Every human being has been jealous!! Even pets get jealous if one gets more attention! So don't feel bad!

Jealousy is a cause for depression many times!
Its very natural to feel jealous when someone else gets the attention you yourself have cried out for! Maybe these women don't know you well enough to see the signs? Maybe if you open up to one of them you feel closest to then you might get some support?

I'm sure they've not seen the signs or they'd be willing to help you! They sound like caring individuals.

I advise you to seek a doc you can talk to. If you don't feel comfortable with the one you are currently seeing then its time to go elsewhere.

Don't be so hard on yourself! Depression is a hard thing to deal with! I think you should open up to them! And maybe, who know, you may become best of friends

Good luck

[BlackTears]

I dont think ***** would be the right word for how your feeling. Nor do I think its wrong for you to be jealous. These people are suppose to be your friends and should care enough about you to want to help or to notice that you are/were obviously going through something. In this situation though you feel unimportant ( I dont think your unimportant and I would be their for you) you should however be the bigger person and also offer your support for this girl and when you start helping yourself again and are comfortable try to help her if she wants your help..