i cant go on

i just cant do it ,.... i cant live with this pretence any more ... i a miserable, boring, selfish, unfit mother/wife/daughter and i cant cope any more ...... ijust cant do this. i am weak. tried to be strong but cant do it ,,,,,, i am feeling like im in a hell .... evryway i turn is a black wall i cant do it ........ how do you carry on feeling like this ...someone please help

think good thoughts (((((Jinny)))))

((Jinn))))
I know you know in your heart your children love you
and your hubby too
hes been by your side threw thick and thin
everyone at pc cares about you
((you matter here))))))))))
breath alittle

Can you call your T
or pdoc for extra help?
muffy

Gentle hugs (((((((((( jinnyann ))))))))))))

You are doing the best you can. I see a very caring person going through a difficult time.

You can get through this.

((((((((jinny))))))))
I love you. I hope that helps.

Sweet Jinnyann;
I am so sorry you feel so low, I know how you feel about the black hole, but things will get better and try not to be so hard on yourself, your body needs to heal. Are you seeing a counselor or on any meds?

From the book, by Ruth Fishel.

There is no winter harsh enought to withhold the promise of spring.
by Karen Kaiser clarke

No matter how badly we feel, it is only for now. When in deep pain or confusion, we often think it will be that way forever, that we can never feel better. When in the depths of darkness and despair, it can be hard to remember there will be light again.
There are so many lessons in the cycles of nature. Sometimes they might sound trite but truth is really that simple.

Dawn does follow night, Always. Spring does follow winter, Always. No matter how dark the night has been, no matter how harsh the winter has been, we too, change as to the seasons.

I can go through anything a day at a time, a moment at a time with the faith and the knowledge that my Higher Power is guilding me to peace and security.

I love you all so much. I know they love me, but how can i keep this up .... i truly have no interest in anything .... sounds selfish, we have a holiday coming up in 2 weeks, less than 2 weeks ..... I dont want to go ..... i just havent the energy to smile even right now ... we are staying with Tonys sister this year, my daughter will just a street away, our friends are coming and all their kids .... hardly even speak to her any more ..... it's so much effort ..... i have to go to therapy on public transport tomorrow .... my son has to take me .... how pathetic is that ....... i dont do public transport, i hate it, it reminds me of when i was a teen.
panic attacks ..... thankyou sor replying, it means so much. Think i need to talk to Tony about how i am feeling ..... i'm trying to keep it all inside and i dont think they know how bad this is ...... i wish they would go away on holiday and leave me in hospital or something ...... IDK ....... Jin x

Holidays are very hard, and I agree with you on public transportation, I hate it and I fear it, my husband has to drive me everywhere now.
You should let people know how you feel, they may not understand, but then again they may, so good luck. Talk to your counselor tomorrow about all this, maybe your meds have to be increased. But if you go to your family for the holidays, give yourself credit for getting up, dressing and being there, you deserve it and it will get better.

(((((((jinnyann)))))))

You don't always have to be strong or put on a pretense of happiness. It's perfectly natural to break down and have a good cry every now and again. I don't think you're boring, selfish, or unfit for any of your family roles; you're a sweet and caring person who happens to be going through a tough time.

Use the upcoming days to take care of yourself and do what you need to do: make it a holiday for your holiday! Hopefully by then, you'll be recharged enough to get through your holiday.

Take gentle care,



J

((((((((((((((((love and hugs))))))))))))))))))

Thankyou, everyone. I will tell my t tomorrow. You know i am so dreading tomorrow, even spending time with my own son ..... I just want tomorrow over with ..... I cant even bring myself to tell Tony (hubby) how bad i feel because if i do i wont be able to stop crying ..... i know i wont .... and he is working so hard right now ... he doesn't need me crying and carrying on .....
somehow i have to pull myself together ...... thanks for the replies ..... hugs and care ..... ty Jinny xoxoxoxoxoxo