[Soveh]

I am sitting here at work in Salt Lake City, Utah. I am sitting here crying...why? I don't really know....ain't that crazy? I feel worthless most times(no matter how much my husband tells me otherwise), I feel I need to be punished with physical pain, and I don't really understand what's going on with me. I feel like there's a monster inside of me and that if I try to be myself, it'll come out and I will lose everything I hold dear. I have a good job: just got a raise and promotion the first of this month(july 08), I have a wonderful husband and a wonderful 22 y/o son. I just celebrated my 3rd wedding anniversary on the 19th. I am on 40mg of Prozac once per day,I wonder if I should try taking more. I used to be on 20mg per day, it wasn't cutting it, so the doc doubled it. I just don't know if life can really be worth living most times. My husband has to get rid of his service truck, because his business just failed...and I feel resposible...ya know...if only I made more money...blah, blah, blah...

[DOWNINNATICK]

Hi Soveh;

I know exactly how you're feeling, I've there most of the time. Are you seeing a counselor or a therapist? Maybe you need to talk with him/her to try something better. Know you're not why your husband business failed, it's just the resession that is hurting the little man.

Congrats on your raise and promotion, you must be a great worker, but the illness is just making you feel bad, get away from your desk and 5 minutes and splash some cold water on your face. We're here for you and you can PM me anytime.

http://www.spiritisup.com/illusioncc.html

[nowheretorun]

sorry to hear you are going thru these hard times Soveh... standing and falling, standing and falling gets to be old and tiresome, i hear you... but i think its true that each time we get back up we are a little stronger... true, it doesnt always feel that way... im sorry to hear that some plans youve made or dreams youve had arent working out right now... can you keep the dreams but adjust the plans? ... it is scary to do, but sometimes we need to try new and different ways of doing things to achieve different results.. your son and husband sound like swell guys and your regard for them is obvious... that alone makes you a good person.. please never give up hope...

[Soveh]

It is hard to keep up, I do NOT cry in front of my husband if I can at all help it. He's an Auto mechanic, his business failed because we couldn't afford to get him a shop type building in anything but our own garage, and our city does NOT allow that. My dreams are simple, I've always wanted a honeymoon...even a simple one, you know, get out of town for a weekend, but we can't afford that, Hell, we can't even afford to go out for a dinner for two....I have so many little things that are bothering me....too many sometimes. I am seeing a therapist, but I am going to have to stop seeing him because I can NOT afford to keep going....

[DOWNINNATICK]

Sorry again about your husband, it does suck that your town doesn't allow him to work from your garage till you can afford a shop. Do you live near a beach or ocean? Pack a picinic and go to the beach, a quiet spot, at sunset and enjoy the sounds and your husband. We can't afford do go out or go away either, but a day by the ocean, a walking alone the shore at sunset is worth 2 days away.

[DOWNINNATICK]

http://www.spiritisup.com/hugs.html

Here is a ecard of hugs, to hug away the blues.

[Soveh]

Thanks down...no, we live near the Great Salt Lake here in the high desert of Utah..and the lake has a distinctly bad smell because of the brine shrimp

[DOWNINNATICK]

That's too bad, is there a field or pond you could go to and just enjoy the sounds there?

[Angel_of_the_Past]

((((Soveh))))
Depression is this horrible cloud that impacts every inch of our lives. Hang in here at PC, there's lots of great people here wanting to support you.

[Sannah]

Hi Soveh, I am sorry that you are feeling so bad. You say that you feel worthless most of the time, in therapy are you all dealing with that? I have dealt with low self worth and those of us who do got that message that we had little worth while we were growing up. We can learn that this message is not the truth, I did. When you say that you feel that you need to be punished you must think that you are really bad. You aren't! If a person grows up in a household where they are mistreated by an adult the child will get the message that they must have been really bad. Adults mistreat children because of their own issues. Can you find cheaper counseling? Many places have sliding scale payment. United way funds counseling services.

[Soveh]

The therapist and the psychiatrist I see are the only ones in the area on my insurance...I wish they weren't so expensive. United Way, when I called them, they said I made too much money to help out...they didn't even take into consideration all my other bills....but thanks Sannah