[silver_moon]

feel selfish

I'm not sleeping... when I do have the odd hour it's full of very disturbing nightmares or nightmares of John
I can't eat ... loosing way too much weight I was only slight and small to begin with and even then slightly underweight... I dread to think what's gonna happen and I'm doing my best to eat... just can't
Constantly panicking
Throwing up and constantly feeling sick
I'm not meant to be able to have periods because of the pill I'm on, but my body's that much of a mess I'm in agony (I'm on this pill because I had continuous BAAAD pains and problems that they never came to a conclusion on)
So lonely!!!! have my mum now, only my mum... and she's had to leave work on sick to watch over me 'cause I'm too much of a risk says the docs (they're never ever ever putting me in hospital, I won't go... the hospital I'd be put in that's near me is not a nice place and even a social worker I know said it'd do me more harm than good) *guilty*

I'm a mess...
I want to hate him for doing this to me, but I can't and I've had texts from him begging me to talk to him... how can I be friends with him when I love him so so much. He's destroyed me. I was doing so so well, had good relationship with him and he does this and in the cruelest way possible.. I'm being dangled by a string my mum says... he wants to be friends. I don't want him out of my life, but I can't be friends with him when I want more than that.... but he's taken my best friend away from me I can't bare not talking to him anymore... I hate what he's done to me. But I can't hate him.

I'm alive... but I'm not living... in fact I'd argue with the fact that I am alive

........yet another rant from me I'm sorry, I'm so so so sorry.

[cantstopcrying]

Molly, dear. First of all try your hardest to just get rid of the guilt. It does not help at all. Secondly, hon, he's contacted you. He wants to talk to you. Of course you aren't going to go from loving him to just pals, but talk to him--he's your best friend, tell him how you feel. He needs to know. He needs to know how you are feeling (it's important though to tell him how you are feeling, not how he has made you). Keep the lines of communication open. Love doesn't happen without friendship and maybe through friendship you two can fix what was wrong. Please please take care. Thank god for your mom. And you!

(((((molly))))))))))))))))))))))))))) such a sweet person you are
you are alive......
You need your good health to stay that way
Eat if you can even if its alittle bit each time
you are worth it and we all care...
I agree with "Love doesn't happen without friendship " also make sure hes a good friend
Tell him kindly how you are feeling....
remember you matter
muffy

[silver_moon]

oh god

he sent me a text at 2.15am last night and I havent had the courage or strength to read it and I just have.
He asked me to listen to a certain song and that explains how he's feeling.
I can't listen to it.... why is he messing me about like this why won't he see me face to face and explain himself.... I can't listen to the song... and what the hell am I gonna do if I hear it somewhere else? It's a really well known popular song. I don't want to know what it says... I want HIM to explain.

I CANT COPE ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!

[silver_moon]

I've told him how I'm feeling... and I've text him back saying I can' listen to the song and I'd like him to tell me what's going on face to face. I've also asked him to phone if he wants to say anything.

...'cause all this texting randomly is killing me

I don't wanna do this I cant do this im so alone

[pegasus]

(((((((((( Molly )))))))))) You know, life doesn't need to be this hard at your age. Please think about going back to your GP. I think you could do with an assessment. Medication can help when life seems so difficult but it wouldn't be for ever.

You said you are worried about being sent to hospital, you only need a stay in hospital if it is absolutely necessary, these days they recognize most people do better at home, and treatment can be arranged at home.

Please think about it, ok.

[silver_moon]

((((((((((pegasus))))))))))))) thank you
im seeing my doctor at about 12 tomorrow

im just struggling so badly i just rang samaritans just now and the guy I talked to just made me feel worse. Not talking to them again, I've emailed twice before (I've kept an open mind and thought, different volunteers talk to people differently) and both times made me feel worse. I'm just loosing hope in the help that is out there. I can't for the life of me find any depression support groups and the number of people/places I've asked is ridiculous.

*big deep breath*

((((((((((molly ))))))))))))))))))))))))) sitting with you hon......
breath big breath awwwwwwwww
big hug to you
muffy

[gimmeice]

((((((((((( Molly ))))))))))))))) I am sorry that you are going through this,