[ziggy1]

Back in 2007 I was hospitalised for Depression and a suicide attempt. I was
very lucky because a friend had found me in time. I was in a coma for 4 days
and developed a really bad case of aspiration pnemounia. Again I was lucky
that I woke up and survived. I had hallucinated for many days after even after
I woke up. I had Benzodiazapine poisoning, from an over-dose of Valium.
After I made a complete recovery I was transferred to a psych hospital for
2 weeks. There I attended classes every day and was put on a anti-depressant
called Remeron. It seemed to relax and help stabilize my moods, helped me
sleep and lessened my anxiety. I was also given Seraquel for anxiety and
mania.
Eventually I came home and I agreed to attend support groups. Well I never
did get to any support groups. I did find Psych Central which helped alot.
Although as time went on I started to drink again along with using my
medication because I felt myself slipping into depression and having thoughts
of ending my life once again.
At the time I was unaware that you needed to stay on anti-depressants for a
good 3 months or more to get the full effect or relief from depression.
Drinking with my medication just made things worse for me. Many nights I was
in chat and there were times where I don't even remember what I said or who I
had chatted with. The next day/morning most of the time I remembered very
little. It was a big mistake on my part!
This summer of 2008 I gave up the drinking completely, stayed on my meds, and
have recovered and learned from my mistake.
I Do want to say that if I had posted anything out of line last year or
disrespected anyone in chat I send my sincere apologies.
Another reason I am posting this is to let people know to give their medications
long enough to work before getting discouraged. I been wanting to post this for
along time just to get it off my mind and to let others know what I went through
last year.
Ending on a good note I am happy to say that my depression is under control,
and I am handling and managing life so much better these days, and still
giving care to my mom who has Interstitial lung disease and has very bad
dementia. The care that she is getting now is much better and I have made
peace with her from things that have happened between us in the past (abuse,
neglect etc..).
Thank you for reading, listening and just being here for me now and in the
past when I was a little crazy or a lot crazy (Off the walls)..LOL..!
I learned alot but it took me awhile to share and grow, but now I am happy
I did.

[gimmeice]

((((((((( ziggy )))))))) Thank you for sharing your story and giving us a gentle reminder that we should be patient and not give up.

[ziggy1]

((((((GIMMEICE)))))

[digdug]

I'm a newbie here, but it's nice to hear your story. A great thing about being human is that you can make mistakes and people understand...heck, I think people understand those who make mistakes better than those who get things perfect...at least I do. Life can be tough, and sometimes we're just barely in control of our powerful faculties.

As for the meds, I once was on Luvox for OCD, though it was a bit much for me so I eventually dropped it. I do remember the exact moment, however, around 3 months after I started taking them, when they felt like they "kicked in." I don't know if it's like that for everybody, but I can seriously pin the exact moment down when I felt like my brain was working differently.

Good luck to you as you keep on the road to recovery.

[ziggy1]

Thanks Diddug....

Another person I know who I grow up with actually caught my attention
because she to was mixing her meds with alcohol because she was still
not happy.

She was like a jekyll and hyde and would say things that never would
come out of her mouth when she wasn't mixing, so this also tipped
me off and the realization of my own mixing episodes set in along with
much wondering about myself and not remembering things the next
day and what "I" may have said..?

I guess it's like a process, especially being Human.....

[nowheretorun]

we are all somewhere on the path Ziggy... ive been blessed with a juicy nugget which is really helping me grow... try it if you like it, if not, its not meant for you, but i am greatly pleased to hear of the progress you are having... we arent very dis-similar ive noted in reading a few of your postings... i really dont think you're a bad guy at all and i wanted to tell you that... recovery is hard... you will be ok...

in recovery, the depth of our sincerity determines the level of any reward...

blessings always Zig

[ziggy1]

Thank you nowhere, blessings right back at ya. It took me awhile to
realize this but I think it was half the battle for sure. I feel so much
more in control and grounded.

Your words of advice/wisdom always appreciated and welcome.

[nowheretorun]

hi Zig, dropping in again if its ok? control and grounded-ness are sure fine good places to visit now and again..

control is something i always seemed to need and my sense of security was directly connected to my ability to control matters...

when things began to slip from my control is when i panicked and dropped the ball..

it was so confusing, this thing called control.. i was supposed to have it some told me, others said trying to have too much control was never good..

then came that saying about having serenity and choosing what could be controlled and what could not..

i learned that trying to control others was very impossible and not recommended, so i changed my tactics for awhile and started to only try controling myself.. now that was a task!

soon tho, i realised that no matter how i tried, i couldnt control it all..

one simple thing that helped me most was my final decision that helping others was where the answers lay for me...

i could feel selfless for the first time and if i volunteered somewhere i could walk away with an all clean feeling.. i needed that...

i think i read once that you do some volunteering too?

the other part is grounded-ness.. that came after i had the clean feeling.. now its a matter of regular maintenance for me.. doing for others when able, myself when needed (and not so regular about that yet) .. a balance in ways.. i think you'll get my drift... hey, i like the mountainlion

[ziggy1]

Thanks nowhere, Ive always been Inspired from your advice
its helped alot...! Yes ive noticed you can't control everything anymore either.

And volunteering has helped alot and has given me a good
feeling too.

Another great thing that has happened in my life is I have
made peace with my mom, because for awhile I was harboring bad things that happened to me when I was growing up and my mom did the best she could because there's no such thing as a perfect parent.

But for years I was angry because she betrayed my dad
with her sisters husband, but now I have let it go and we
get along better now, and I feel so much better by just
letting it go. (I think that was a big step for me and since
I let it go my drinking stopped).

I really feel more grounded and my meds are working better
and I am in control of myself and what I say and I remember what I say now too....

Like I mentioned in the beginning of this post when I drank
with my meds I was a TOTALLY different person, quick to
spout off and just not cool.

Thats why I posted an APOLOGY just in case I may
have said something to someone in a post or in chat that
may have been insulting or innapropriate.

Because many times I didn't even remember what I had
said and what I had posted....

I feel much better too letting people know. I am also able
to care for my mom in away thats more truly from my heart.
Before it seemed like a burden and I was always harboring
anger inside...

I so much like this person that i am now and i have experienced tiny bits of growth and even some self love
for myself again.

It helps to when people like yourself respond and weigh in
with good advice and suggestions and I truly mean that.

Thanks again for sharing your thoughts with me, its really
appreciated....and I am here anytime you need to talk
too.

much peace to you...

[(JD)]

Just wanting to say I care, and that I do read your posts when I find time. TC (((ziggy))) and may your mom's aging be easier on you.

[Sabrina]

I too, mixed my meds with alcohol and almost lost all that is very dear to me. A lesson well learnt that the two just don't go well together. Thank you for sharing your story.

[nowheretorun]

hi there Zig and all... thanks for keeping up on the thread Zig, its helping a lot having another who's experienced some of my same events in life... stuff like caretaking and substance and alcohol abuse and co dependencies and trying to find sense through the misty haze...

i like your attitude of healing Zig... you're helping us all and i'm really thankful.. i hope you can continue your upwards journey and allow yourself to be human as well... pretty sure you understand about the power of forgiveness and its healing affects and you seem wise enough to understand about starting over and trying again and never giving up on yourself and your goals and dreams... you believe you do matter and you are taking an active role in the events in your world and i wanted you to know that at times we all will struggle with perception and understanding... but it truly is our spirit that drives us forward to greet what promises to be another challenging day in many ways but you have learned about inner strength and not letting sorrow defeat you... you have my strength and support always... never give up