Really really scared and I'm going to hate myself for posting this, but I hate calling my T and I'm too scared to privately reach someone to get this off of my chest

Doctors whisper about amputation for an injury I got. In and out of hospital past few days. Been very switchy past few days- sorry for anything I've posted. The pain is unbelievable. Kate and friends and kids were all okay from the car accident and it's just one thing after another in my life.

"Crappy" doesn't begin to describe how I feel right now. I feel shocked, scared, alone. I've tried distracting. I've tried watching movies, playing games, trapped to lying in bed because I'm too scared to really walk.

I'm too cowardly to ask to talk to a friend so if anyone could talk to me, I need it. I really really need it

[Typo]

((((((((((((Griffe)))))))))))))))

Here if you want to talk...

Lots of hugs
Silver, Pip, and Fernfox

[cantstopcrying]

I'm here too! As far as I saw you didn't post anything bad--just scared and trying to post pictures. I am sooooo sorry you having such a hard time. I'll be online all night--alllllll night, so feel free to talk...come join us back at the thread war. And I was lookin for you when the BoSox lost!

I'm here if you need omeone to litsen

[Blue93]

always here for you vince..... (((((((((((((vince)))))))))))

[Capp]

Griffe, I am so very sorry you are going through such a terrible time.
You are in my thoughts...

Our situations are different, but I was also facing the possible amputation of my right leg. It's an unbelievably frightening and very, very lonely feeling.

So I don't forget--Re the pain; your physicians are required to do whatever is necessary to lessen your pain. My own were, and still are, very good at listening to me. We were only able to reduce mine from a 10 to about a 6-7, but it was nearly tolerable and allowed me to sleep.

Frankly, distractions didn't work for me. I had to finally face the reality of what might happen...I cried, was very angry, the loneliness of it all was horrid, and my energy was totally gone.

Please, if you feel that your T can be of any help to you--Call.
In fact, accept any offer of help...it's a sign of strength and of courage to allow others to help you. That help may only consist of quietly being with you, whether physically or spiritually.

"When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares. ~Rev Henri Nouwen"
Those who did this for me gave me hope...

There is still a 50-50 chance my leg will need amputated...this last surgery on my spine was a necessity, but it also rearranged, so to speak, what we worked so hard to stabilize.

Please know there are people who genuinely care for you, and they will not leave you to face this alone.
You have my support, Griffe. PM or email if you just need to vent with someone who has been in the same heartbreak...

Cap

[darkrunner]

((((((((((((Griffe)))))))))))))))
thinking of you - how are you today?
You are cared for,

ktgirl

[splitimage]

(((Griffe)))

I'm so sorry for all that you're having to go through. The thought of amputation would really scare me, so I can barely imagine what you must be feeling. I really hope though that you'll let people in, to help you. And I don't just mean your T and doctors, although they're important. Let your friends and family know how you're feeling and how they can help you. Yes I know that's scary to do, but when I finally openned up last year and admitted how much I needed help to my friends they really came through for me, and it made a big difference to my recovery.

Spliitimage

[nightbird]

(((griffe)))

I'm here for you also.

This is difficult. You have been through quite alot.

Wish you could get to IRL support group asap.
That makes a difference. Reading some books about facing surgery by compassionate people, and their experiences, may help make a difference. And talking to us might also, but certainly, real life support or actions you take close by you, that are available, might be best for you.

I am more than happy to speak to you, if you like.

Just pm, okay, if you prefer.

Peace and Love,
Your Friend,
night

[kebsfroggy]

Griffe
so sorry to hear of your troubles. surely the hospital can provide you with more information, especially if there are resources in your area. check the internet too (but then I didn't need to tell you that) try and get information on what would happen if they do take your leg. I don't know if the doctors actually give you a choice one way or the other.



Let me know if a frog of little brain can do anything to help.

Thank you everyone, I'm sorry I don't really have the energy to thank you all individually and respond individually.

It's actually not the leg for me, it's only a finger, which will be amputated I'm probably over-reacting and it's "just a finger" (and not an important one) but I will look and feel like a complete freak.

Thank you everyone. I feel like a sink right now and I don't want to drag everyone down with me, life is a drag right now and it's times like this that really make me question why I continue to keep going when it's one bad thing after another. A lot has happened in a short amount of time, not all things I can talk about here, but my mind is jumbled and my head feels broken. I keep asking myself, "is this worth it?"- and when life is this dark I think I know the answer.

[hurtingsadgirl]

i don't know you but i could try to help you if you ever like to talk and i am sorry that you feel like this

[nightbird]

(((Griffe)))

It does matter where it is! It is a part of you.

You won't believe what part of me I gotta lose next week. To some this part of me may sound funny or odd, but to me, it's an awful loss.

Hey, remember, not everyone is immature or ignorant.

I feel for you, and like myself, I know we will be alright.

And someday soon, after we have recovered, we will find meaning in being without a small part of ourselves... plus, it makes us pals in the ultimate way - you and I - as we have a common experience at a similar time.

Did you know something I just learned - that you can ask the anesthesiologist to say certain things to you while 'under' that your sub-conscious will hear... like, for me, I have a script I'm trying to write that tells me (through him) that I take excellent care of myself and that I will not eat so much sugary things and that I will make certain different choices regarding my activities.

...yeah Griffe
... we might as well get something out of it that lasts a lifetime, right?

Hope you will check out the tapes for relaxation before surgery, and accept that life has better things in store for us... than the difficulties we will overcome now.

Perhaps you could have a thread and ask others to help you make your script for the anesthesiologist.

I have asked, but so far, nobody is suggesting anything or reading me... but maybe I'll snatch some tips from your lists! ( ;
xoxoxo

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
For me personaly someone could be as deformed, mangled, torn up, mutated person ever but I don't really care because it doesn't change who they are on the inside.

Like I've said before, I'm not really very good at giving advice, and it would be a lie to say that I know what you are going through. But I can empathise, and am always here litsen if you need someone to talk to

[Capp]

Griffe, I'm so very sorry that life feels like such a rotten thing right now. I don't know your situation, and I'm sorry if I'm butting in...please accept my apolagy.

It's not "just a finger." It's a part of you, period.
Jme, when I'm going through what feels like a never-ending series of crappy things, it doesn't take much to have me teetering on the edge.
This is a normal reaction for a human being...our hearts can only take so much before we feel overwhelmed.
Please accept any and all offers of support and caring.

Perhaps instead of feeling you are dragging everyone down, you can feel love and understanding lifting you up...it's hard but not impossible...I'm sure you have done much to lift up others when they have been down.

Nightbird is correct about the anesthesiologist encouraging you while you are asleep. Even if a nerve block is used, you will still be sedated and your mind relaxed...making it willing to hear the positive reinforcements said by the anesthesiologist. Recovery room personal can also be a part of it as well as the nursing staff on the floor.

"If you are walking through hell, keep walking. Crawling is all right, too."
I admire the strength you are showing through all of this...

Cap