[silver_moon]

I don't want this depression
i don't want the disturbing nightmares
i don't want the fuzzy heads
i don't want to just live every day minute by minute till it's over and then have really bad nights and no rest
i don't want everyone to hate me, want some love back
i don't want to 'be strong' anymore 'cause it seems no matter if i make a step forward there's always something that knocks me right down... And it always get's worse
i don't want this life!!

And yeh... I'm the only one who can change it, but i don't care anymore!! I'm sick of trying... Never get anywhere!

[nowheretorun]

((molly)))) yes, its very hard... sending care and hope that this pain will lessen for you somehow... its so hard cause it would be so easy to slip backwards... you will make a choice about this and there are things that will happen next.. whatever you choose you can feel good that you've spent some time thinking over your life direction, being active in it, and making some choices for you that you believed were in your own best interest... its not easy, you've done well..

[pegasus]

No, none of us want this but we have to keep going. Things can change, you are young yet. Choose the positive path my friend.

(((((( Molly ))))))

[Einna]

[Behindthemoon]

I just want to say that i used to feel the same way and i m recovering now. i m making progress...although very likely i did it the harder way.
Hope you feel better soon enough.

[gimmeice]

((((((((((( molly )))))))))))))))
I am sorry that you are hurting so much.
I hope things start to get better for you, these backslides happen hopefully you can bounce back soon.

[silver_moon]

I hate this
I can't stop crying, I can't stop hurting

I hate him I hate him for lying (even though he says it's cause he 'didn't wanna hurt me'... whatever!!! he'd of hurt me a kot less if he hadn't have lied and he knows that), I hate him for practically using me. I hate him for taking away my best friend... gone forever and I'll never forgive him! I hate him because I still bloody love him, I don't wan him to be able to love anyone else... he says I'm still the most important person in his life..... well why the hell has he done this to me, I still want him in my life, but I can't, I'll torture myself.... I'm being tortured now!!

I can't do this! I don't wanna do this I don't wanna be here
I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS ANYMORE!!!!!!

[silver_moon]

.... and he's only a 'little bit' of my problems

[pegasus]

You need to grieve and let go. You don't want to be with someone that lies to you.

((((((( Molly )))))))

[rachaelkrinks]

Hi Silver Moon,

I'm a newbie - I send you lots of peace, strength and centredness. It is so hard to find at times I know - but it will pass. I've had awful backslide depressions this year, after moving interstate. They have passed though I thought at the time things were so very bleak. See your Dr for some help in the meantime? Get sleep if you can, have someone clean the house and bring you fresh flowers. Have someone take you somewhere nice to do your favourite thing even if you don't feel like it! Do nothing if that's what you feel like, but do it with a little sprig of a perfumed flower if you can find one, in a glass of water, near your bed or sofa - it will bring calm dreams and sleep and remind you there's hope. This may sound so twee, but I guess they are the things that work for me. Know also that there are so many other human beings out there in this weird web world who care enough about you to post messages to you, and they'd love to hear how you are doing. Best wishes, Rachael

[nowheretorun]

hi (((molly))) you need a lot of comforting now and thats ok.. you are using your verbal skills really well and the tears are understandable...

dont hate yourself now, k? now is really really the time to hang in there and be good to you....

you're having these feelings that you think he is the one, but there is hurt now...

what does he want to do? more important, what do you want to do?

cant promise youll get him back, thats all up to you two, but if you really want him and if he can give a little right now and you both can remember what it was supposed to be like and try again with no faults or forgiveness required, just starting over in a way, you could try... you'll both have to accept that trust is now a very serious issue and there will be sensitive times for awhile... you can set the boundaries for your own healing...

only you know best! even if you make a mistake you get the chance of trying again...

this is said with the belief he is not any type of abuser.... i would never recommend you let yourself be abused in any way... choose kindness hon.... caring..