My Bad Day......

I am really LOW right now. Today, I forgot to pay the cable bill, it got shut off ( my ADD again slapping me in the face). So, I paid it and moved on. THEN.. I got in a damn car wreck! My husband is gonna be so upset and guess what I just let laps? Yeah, you guessed it.. the car insurance. I was going to pay the car insurance today when I got back home... I am trying so hard right now to do better and I keep falling back. Why cant I get it right?

I cant do anything right!!! Last night me and my Husband got into a fight over my depression and me getting help. I feel so miserable, like no one understands me anymore. I just want to shut myself in somewhere and cry.

I hurt so bad... damn, I don't think I have ever hurt like this before. I was just diagnosed with depression and on no meds right now. I just want help. I just want to feel better. I want to wake up and all of this go away!

And to top it all off, today is my Son's 11 birthday.. I got to pull myself up for supper. I don't know how I am going to do this when I cant stop crying.

I haven't told my husband about the car yet.. he gets home in about a hr. Man, I just fail at everything I touch...What more can go wrong?

Sorry to dump on you guys!

Kathy

Let me add ..

I am getting so tired of putting on a "happy" face to everyone when I feel so sad inside.

How long do I have to put on this act? I could win a award as a actor in my life.

I am so mentally tired! I am going to college, my kids and husband. Trying to find a balance with my life and everything else.. my god, how can I do this.. I just want to be normal.

I know that all this seems so bad right now but whats most important is that your getting help for your depression and you will feel better. So you forgot to pay the cable bill. It's not the worst thing in the world and even letting your insurance lapse, that is still not the worst thing. The worst thing is if you gave up on yourself. You have a child and husband that need you. You will feel better, trust me. I know it doesn't happen quick enough but hang in there. Your not alone. Hang in there and keep your chin up.

(((((Kathy))))) (I don't think we've "met" yet, so hi )

First...you're right. It sounds like a bad day. When you're depressed things can spiral quickly...even little things. You will get out of your bad day. Tomorrow is a new day, with no mistakes...a new beginning.

Your not paying the cable bill made me think of my mom...same thing happened to her last month...of course, she hadn't been getting bills. Stuff like that happens. I guarentee, you are not the first person to forget to pay their cable bill, nor will you be the last. It happens. Don't worry about that.

Honestly...you recognize you need help. You want help. That is such a great thing to have/be. It may not seem like it now. If you can't pull it together...why not make your son a super special supper tomorrow night? Get him to plan it tonight with you. Cook his favs.

I hope things get better. And I'm sure I speak for everyone when I say, dump on us anytime.

Its not even that we didnt have the money JMO.. I just didnt do it!

I am soooo down.... I have never been this low!!!! It hurts so much and I dont understand why.

I feel like puttn my head under a pillow and going to sleep. Keeping the world out, then maybe I wouldnt mess anything up.

Thank You for your support.. I soooo need it right now!!!! I know I got to feel better.. I dont know what I would do if it would get worse than this!

Kathy

i''m so sorry you had such a day! i'd be crying lots too. right now just concentrate on that little one's birthday and you'll make it through and maybe cry some more. key words there...you'll make it through. it's so hard sometimes to see that.

it sounds like you have such a FULL plate right now. i'd be forgetting essential things like eating and drinking if i were doing all that you're doing!!! no wonder you're forgetting some things. can hubby help with these things until your schedule calms down a bit? you're such a busy lady. i can't imagine being able to do all that and not forget things...too much on the mind.

i hope tomorrow is a better day and things don't look so bad.

be safe,

kd

1 day..

Thanks! and HI!

Yeah, good point! Tommorow=new day! A wonderful way to look at it!

I am soooo... trying to find the will to pull up and go on tonight! I know my other 1/2 will not let tomorrow be a option nor will my Son.

Thank YOU

Kathy,
We have not met yet so hello. I am so sorry that things seem to be piling up right now. I wish that I had some wonderful advice for you, but I just wanted to let you know that I read your post and that I am thinking of you.

Jessica

Hello Flowers -- We've not met yet. I feel as if I'm supposed to tell you that all this was not so bad, but I completely freak out whenever I have a car accident, however minor. So I empathize with how you must feel, especially having this happen in the middle of a serious depression.

I do think it is well to appreciate that your husband's first concern was YOU and secondly, the practicality of having the car work.

As Myzen points out, society doesn't understand very much about how serious depression can be. I believe that there should be a huge public education campaign, like for smoking and drug use and shaken baby syndrome -- but that will come too late for you.

I don't understand what your T means by getting you stabilized *before* you go on meds. I thought that the meds were to try to help us stabilize so that therapy, which takes longer to work, could do some good.

Please be patient with yourself, even when the people around you are not. As Myzen says, we have a broken leg of the spirit. I hope you will feel better soon.