I'm so depressed

I've been feeling so depressed this last month or so; more than usual. I sleep a lot. I eat nothing but junk (emotional eating). I only get things done around the house when I absolutely have to (husband runs out of underwear or work shirts; all the dishes are dirty, etc.). And I'm isolating myself.

I don't know what I want or need. I saw my therapist today and felt like we had a good discussion but once I got home nothing we talked about made sense. There was so much I wanted to talk to my husband about, but when I looked at the notes I made in therapy, I didn't think I could communicate what I feel (which isn't much) or think.

I have such a disconnect with feelings right now. The only ones I seem to be aware of are irritation, frustration and anger. I feel disingenuous because I'm depressed but not letting on to my husband or best friends. I make jokes and laugh but I don't feel joyful.

I guess I just need to know that someone hears me and understands.

you can know that lots of people have been where you are
keep trying

(((((turquoisesea)))))

It's nice to know I'm not alone. Thank you. I will keep trying.

(((((((((((((((((((((((internettie))))))))))))))))))))

I hear you. I feel kind of the same way right now. It's hard to believe that we will have joy in our lives again, but we have to hope and believe that we will.

Thinking of you...

((((((((((internettie))))))))))

hey! just think that beyond those feelings of trials and difficulties lies the feelings of happiness and contentment.

we are always here for you... tc!

snowy...

Thanks for the encouragement everyone.

I slept most of the day today. I did that mostly because my husband stayed home from work and I just wasn't up to dealing with another human being.

My therapist suggested that I do one small fun thing and one small needed thing each day. I'm trying to get motivated to do that. I guess that posting on here is fun so this could count for the fun thing. The one small needed thing to be done is taking work clothes out of the dryer for my husband. I know I can get that done by nights end.

It's just so difficult to do much when anyone is around. I feel paralyzed. Does anyone else deal with this problem?

Hi Internettie, did you get to a certain spot in therapy and then all of this started? Did you just start connecting with your anger at this time? Is it difficult for you to let your anger out?

((((((((((((((((((Internettie))))))))))))))))))))

I love your name BTW ... Usually underneath anger is hurt .... I think each of us who suffers with depression has felt like this, I know I have .... please know that things will get better ... are you on meds at all? Sometimes a slight adjustment helps ... therapy will bring up issues too, maybe something has triggered you? Please know you are not alone ... reach out here ... so many caring people ... love, Jinny xoxoxoxoxo

((((Internettie))))
Sending you some love and cuddles

Hi Internettie;

I know how you feel, when I went to therapy things would make sense then I get home and think I had just wasted the therapist time. It's good that you take notes, you can keep going over them till they make sense. As your therapist is your husband can go into one session with you, so you both can talk about what you're going through, I did that so my therapist would hear stuff from my husband that I couldn't talk about.

It will take time, but you will get better and things will look brighter. Just give yourself credit for even the little things you do, that is a big a complishement and you should feel proud about it. Try to think positive and don't let the negatives get in the way.

Hugs
Cindy

***** POSSIBLE TRIGGER (s*x) *****

I think I've figured out what has brought on this depression. A couple of months ago my husband went to the doctors because he was experiencing low energy. Turns out that he had low testosterone levels (male hormone) and would need testosterone shots. The shots started about 2 months ago. The shots increase his sex drive and he's much more physical than he was before the shots. I don't like being touched very much and have been very stressed because of this change in my husband's behavior. I spend a lot of time being angry at him and feeling irritated. I think the only way I've been letting out the anger though is in passive-aggressive ways. I'm not sure how to talk to him without hurting his feelings and having him feel rejected.

So I think that it is hurt and anger that's causing the depression. Bringing in my husband to see my therapist is a good idea and I will talk to my therapist about doing that.

I also think that I get depressed this time of year anyway (winter) so I'll also need to deal with those issues.

Thank you for giving me so much to think about. I don't know how long it would have taken me to put things together on my own. I feel better just knowing that there is a link that I can identify. It gives me hope that I can work on things and get out of this depression.

I did at least tell my husband today that I am dealing with depression and having difficulty doing daily things. He said he would help me in any way he could. And I know my therapist is there for me and that's a big help.

I am so grateful to have PC too. You all have been so kind and helpful. Thank you.

This is great Internettie that you figured this out! I have to get the issue outside of myself too in order to process it. These message boards are great for doing this.

A person can get depressed when she swallows her feelings. Telling your husband how you feel about this is a good idea. If you are talking about your feelings and how this is affecting you it shouldn't hurt his feelings or make him feel rejected. If it does that is a different issue. You should be able to work this out and this is very good for your relationship. Denying your own needs would make anyone angry.

Believe me, I understand.

Sometimes you may think it's easier to keep your feelings inside--sometimes it is. There is such a stigma attached to depression. Sounds like you've been fortunate enough to find a medical professional you can really talk to. That's the first step. Continue your counseling. There is nothing to be ashamed of. We all have problems and situations that are difficult to cope with. You are not alone.

(((((Brephi, Sannah)))))

I've thought about talking to my husband on my own, but I think we'd just end up in a fight. It might be more helpful to have him come into therapy with me and discuss it there. I made a huge realization this morning: I've been having difficulty taking a shower each day. On a good week I would shower 2-3 times a week. I just didn't know what the obstacle was to showering. Then this morning I was getting ready to shower and I felt so anxious that I had to push myself to shower. I realized that my husband thinks that my taking a shower is an invitation for s*x. That was an epiphany. Subconsciously I was not showering so I could keep my husband away from me. I'm not quite sure what the quick fix will be for this since I'm afraid of talking to him. I guess making an appointment for both of us with my therapist is the answer.

Anyway, thanks to all of you, I'm figuring some things out. It's great to have a place to discuss this stuff. It's interesting to see how my subconscious mind has been working. Fascinating actually.

I've watched my husband going through a similar cycle for the last 20yrs.. He's ordinarily a happy-go-lucky, predictable guy in his routines.
However, ever-so-subtley in the spring and fall-he becomes 'unhappy' all-of-a-sudden. Same as you describe, he can't seem to derive that basic 'joi de vie' anymore. He has attempted to deal w/ these negative feelings by making large purchases that were beyond our means, developing 'crushes' on other women, peeping at pornography. Now, he just blames me for everything. It began to sink through my head that there was no pleasing him, because his unhapiness is coming from inside of him somewhere. He has a very, very difficult time expressing unhappiness or confiding his emotions to me. He's already drawn me out the door that I don't care for him, or wouldn't value his confidence in me highly.
It's irrelevant to him that I love him-he behaves as though I'm not even there for him, before he's even given me a chance.
I did notice over the years that he loves perfection-even to the point of experiencing anxiety when he feels things are not giving that appearance. On another level, he feels if he states all the 'little criticisms' on the road to perfect appearance out loud, he will be looked at petty, picky and/or ridiculous.
This builds and builds and then he plays out the 'don't get mad get even' club. Superficial relationships are what he feels most comfortable with at this point. Therapy was a dud, because he wouldn't open up. When our first therapist suggested the 'signal' method for sexual communication improvment, he wouldn't even try to implement it. It was very destructive. "You can lead a horse to water..." you know.
But-I think you're a exceptional person that you went right for therapy instead of blaming anyone. You've earned my respect, totally.
So many of us were raised w/ repressed rage, or taught that anger in and of itself is the problem. The minute you have to start censoring what you say, you supress your true feelings and have taken on managing the other parties' reactions. Truth is-you can't really 'manage the other parties' reactions, you just make a cage for yourself.
I hope you're victorious in your journey.

Oh Yeah, internettie.....I'm with ya...and hear ya all the way!!...Don't feel so bad though...because your not alone!...Y....

I joined this sight because I have been feeling so depressed and as many people often tell those of us just "snap out of it", I can't. I am on medication and they recently increased it, but I feel like I am getting worse instead of better. I have a lot of positives in my life, but sometimes inside I feel just the opposite. I struggle explaining my feelings to others. I work for child protective services and am very good at my job, but inside I feel the complete opposite. It helps in a lot of ways to see other people struggling with simular issues because it makes you fell you are not alone.