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  #26  
Old Nov 06, 2008, 01:38 PM
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cantstopcrying cantstopcrying is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sannah View Post
Your response didn't sound mean at all.....

Crying or a happy dance are you only choices here? Come on...

I would suggest that you focus on what you are going to do about yourself. No one can ever control what others do but you can certainly take care of yourself and manuever about around these people. Focusing on them and if they are right, wrong, nice or mean just distracts you from focusing on the work that you need to do with and for yourself...
This morning, yes, those were my only choices. I was still too hurt. I am still very, very hurt. I don't care if he's right--he's right in everything he does--in his mind. I do focus on me. I have come such a long way in the past few months...at least I think I have, and that's what matters. Right now what I'm going to do about myself is get through the rest of today, with the same hard work ethic I've had forever, work from home tomorrow per usual, pack on Saturday, then Sunday, Monday and Tuesday sit in my hotel room in New Orleans (I don't feel safe going out alone) and come Wednesday, put even more effort in my people skills, even if it is just fake and inside I'm dying because I can't handle it, I will. Thank you for your push to work and focus on me. I know I need to.
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  #27  
Old Nov 06, 2008, 01:43 PM
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cantstopcrying cantstopcrying is offline
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Originally Posted by purplebutterfly View Post
I care, and you did not FAIL, you FELL DOWN- now get your self back up and start again, you have told me that many of times. We are all here for you.
((((((cantstopcrying)))))))
Gggrrrrrrrr!! Words we use aren't supposed to be able to come back to be used on ourselves! I'm up--not sobbing and not even crying right now--feeling crummy about myself, but then part of me feels ok about myself and anger at him. I guess I can't express the anger right. If someone wants to point out my flaws, go ahead, but I believe in human decency and doing it nice. And certainly don't believe in using people like he used me to get to my manager. You're right though--someone very smart must have told you those words, I guess I'll listen.
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  #28  
Old Nov 06, 2008, 02:42 PM
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gimmeice gimmeice is offline
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((((((((((((( cantstopcrying )))))))))))))))))
I am sorry that you had to go through that, to me it sounds completely uncalled for, you are right people need to be nice. Have you considered group therapy? It has really helped me relate to others better, you get to go at your own pace and work on your people skills at the same time.
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  #29  
Old Nov 06, 2008, 02:55 PM
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Sannah Sannah is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cantstopcrying View Post
come Wednesday, put even more effort in my people skills, even if it is just fake and inside I'm dying because I can't handle it,
I was thinking more of you actually working on yourself, not faking it. You have mentioned low self esteem and I know that we have talked about fear of intimacy. You like to interact here, why do you not interact IRL, fear of intimacy? These things can be worked on CSC. What is holding you back?
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  #30  
Old Nov 06, 2008, 02:57 PM
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cantstopcrying cantstopcrying is offline
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Originally Posted by gimmeice View Post
((((((((((((( cantstopcrying )))))))))))))))))
I am sorry that you had to go through that, to me it sounds completely uncalled for, you are right people need to be nice. Have you considered group therapy? It has really helped me relate to others better, you get to go at your own pace and work on your people skills at the same time.
Group therapy would make me throw up I think. I'm not antisocial, and once I get to know you I never shut up, but I just can't socialize. For one, I'm at work--I work. For two--I just can't explain it. I'm sure that will be recommended to me, though. thank you very, very much!
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  #31  
Old Nov 06, 2008, 03:48 PM
oneinleftfield oneinleftfield is offline
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I disagree saying that you choose to cry or that you choose to feel your feelings. My therapist has said that about choosing my feelings I hate that!!!! You sound somewhat like a people person to me. You responded to so many of the posts that people wrote to you that gave a damn. That was you wasn't it? Maybe the people at your work just aren't the people you like? I think yourrrrr grrrrrr8. Be kind to yourself with your self-talk. Maybe you could visualize a stop sign everytime you start with the negative self-talk, you could say "stop, I'm running this tape over and over again and I'm not going to do that" then tell yourself some affirmation that you believe. If you don't believe it it wont work. Or just erase my opinion. Im ok with that . What works for one person won't necessarily work for another. See ya. and Hugs.
  #32  
Old Nov 06, 2008, 04:07 PM
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cantstopcrying cantstopcrying is offline
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Originally Posted by oneinleftfield View Post
I disagree saying that you choose to cry or that you choose to feel your feelings. My therapist has said that about choosing my feelings I hate that!!!! You sound somewhat like a people person to me. You responded to so many of the posts that people wrote to you that gave a damn. That was you wasn't it? Maybe the people at your work just aren't the people you like? I think yourrrrr grrrrrr8. Be kind to yourself with your self-talk. Maybe you could visualize a stop sign everytime you start with the negative self-talk, you could say "stop, I'm running this tape over and over again and I'm not going to do that" then tell yourself some affirmation that you believe. If you don't believe it it wont work. Or just erase my opinion. Im ok with that . What works for one person won't necessarily work for another. See ya. and Hugs.
Yes, it was me. I can do this because I don't have to look at you and be looked at and judged. People here don't judge. And if someone here says something idiotic in my opinion, I push a button and they are gone! (I've tried, it doesn't work in real life! ). I like the stop sign visualization--I've done similar stuff and usually it has started to work. Thank you.
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"We can't talk at the same time! It doesn't work like that! I talk, you talk, I talk, you talk!!" ~ Peanut
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  #33  
Old Nov 06, 2008, 04:19 PM
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turquoisesea turquoisesea is offline
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hey cantstopcrying, I think all the responses here are really good, I agree with them all. The only thing I wanted to add, is that it seems like there's a lot of pressure for you to be a people person. And that you might be feeling that there is something wrong with you because you tend to want to be alone most of the time/shy from large social situations.
I just wanted to say, nothing is wrong with you because of that. That's the way you are, and you shouldn't be ashamed of that.
Just realize that for your job, you have to do something a little unnatural for you. But again, that doesn't make you a bad person because of it, it's not like you fail fail fail. You just win at different things.

Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses - this is only a weakness, not a failure or something that makes you any less than anyone else
  #34  
Old Nov 06, 2008, 04:24 PM
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Perzephone Perzephone is offline
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(((cantstopcrying)))

I hope you can find an equitable & palatable solution to your personnel problems.

I'm another not-a-people-person-people, and it is rough hearing that you make other people feel unliked or unwelcome. Some people just walk around thinking everyone they meet has to like them, that kind of "If someone doesn't like me, it's obviously something wrong with them, not me because hey, everyone likes me!" (Did that even make sense?)

I imagine working in the medical profession or a research setting does generate a lot of interoffice politics, so have you thought about transferring to a position that requires more paperwork & less people? Or maybe even a training position - you just show people how to do their jobs better & there isn't such an emphasis on personal relationships because they'll never see you outside the classroom?

I worked in night audit for a large hotel - I rarely if ever had to deal w/'the public' & my coworkers didn't like me because as night auditor I had to check their work & turn them into management - but I was ok with that because I wasn't expected to engage in small talk - it was discouraged because my integrity might be compromised if I got too friendly w/the staff. Management changed & started expecting me to take on more of a managerial position w/out giving me the backing to do my job, so I quit - & now I'm a help desk tech where the only exposure to the other employees (aside from my 6 coworkers) I have is over the phone.
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  #35  
Old Nov 06, 2008, 04:45 PM
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digdug digdug is offline
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I'm so sorry to hear about your problems. Seriously, with everything you've been through, most people would want to crawl into a hole from embarassment. The fact that you can relate the story to others and know that you are not nearly as bad a person as this jerk doctor makes you out to be is a triumph that many couldn't accomplish.

I hate the modern office environment. Everyone is expected to be ultra-nice and social, and if you don't conform the "talk" behind your back begins. Believe me, you're far from the only person that this has happened to. I'm one of those people that likes to just sit down and do my work, but in a modern office that sort of behaviour is looked down upon. I mean, huh? I'm guessing it's even harder as a woman...a guy can still get away with being the "tough as nails" guy at the office, but women aren't allowed such a "privilege". It's a bit better in academia, but only a little.

Anyway, it sounds like you do a good job at work, and your manager knows that, so you've pretty much got a safe grounding, despite what others might think. So try not to let the gossiping get to you - if you're an important component of the workplace, then there's little they can really do to you.

Obviously I don't know you personally, but you seem like a kind, hard-working, and generous person. Everyone else here seems to agree, so I hope that the helps you somewhat.
  #36  
Old Nov 07, 2008, 07:40 AM
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cantstopcrying cantstopcrying is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Perzephone View Post
I imagine working in the medical profession or a research setting does generate a lot of interoffice politics, so have you thought about transferring to a position that requires more paperwork & less people? .
I actually have very little reason to communicate with other staff, except my front desk which I'm in charge of and I know they respect me. It just is a sucky situation all around. I was used--tossed under the bus--to make the manager look like she's not doing her job and it hurts and it hurts too that my lack of people skills was discussed in such a crass and hurtful way. Thank you for your comments and support.
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"We can't talk at the same time! It doesn't work like that! I talk, you talk, I talk, you talk!!" ~ Peanut
Is THIS honestly why I'm here??!!??
  #37  
Old Nov 07, 2008, 07:44 AM
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cantstopcrying cantstopcrying is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by digdug View Post
I'm so sorry to hear about your problems. Seriously, with everything you've been through, most people would want to crawl into a hole from embarassment. The fact that you can relate the story to others and know that you are not nearly as bad a person as this jerk doctor makes you out to be is a triumph that many couldn't accomplish.

I hate the modern office environment. Everyone is expected to be ultra-nice and social, and if you don't conform the "talk" behind your back begins. Believe me, you're far from the only person that this has happened to. I'm one of those people that likes to just sit down and do my work, but in a modern office that sort of behaviour is looked down upon. I mean, huh? I'm guessing it's even harder as a woman...a guy can still get away with being the "tough as nails" guy at the office, but women aren't allowed such a "privilege". It's a bit better in academia, but only a little.

Anyway, it sounds like you do a good job at work, and your manager knows that, so you've pretty much got a safe grounding, despite what others might think. So try not to let the gossiping get to you - if you're an important component of the workplace, then there's little they can really do to you.

Obviously I don't know you personally, but you seem like a kind, hard-working, and generous person. Everyone else here seems to agree, so I hope that the helps you somewhat.
It helps a lot! Thank you!! You got it perfectly right when you mention the modern office setting. I used to work with a group of guys and it was much different!! Thank you for the boost of confidence!! As I went through the day yesterday I started feeling better and better about me and more and more angry at him. I'm glad I held my head up high and did go in to work yesterday!

It is amazing, though, how easily the old record can begin to play. With just a word or two (or a half hour bashing of your self esteem) the needle drops and then the record starts going round and round.
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"We can't talk at the same time! It doesn't work like that! I talk, you talk, I talk, you talk!!" ~ Peanut
Is THIS honestly why I'm here??!!??
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