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#26
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#27
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#28
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((((((((((((( cantstopcrying )))))))))))))))))
I am sorry that you had to go through that, to me it sounds completely uncalled for, you are right people need to be nice. Have you considered group therapy? It has really helped me relate to others better, you get to go at your own pace and work on your people skills at the same time. ![]() ![]()
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![]() Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You, too? Thought I was the only one." C.S. Lewis visit my blog at http://gimmeice.psychcentral.net |
#29
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I was thinking more of you actually working on yourself, not faking it. You have mentioned low self esteem and I know that we have talked about fear of intimacy. You like to interact here, why do you not interact IRL, fear of intimacy? These things can be worked on CSC. What is holding you back?
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Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
#30
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#31
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I disagree saying that you choose to cry or that you choose to feel your feelings. My therapist has said that about choosing my feelings I hate that
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#32
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#33
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hey cantstopcrying, I think all the responses here are really good, I agree with them all. The only thing I wanted to add, is that it seems like there's a lot of pressure for you to be a people person. And that you might be feeling that there is something wrong with you because you tend to want to be alone most of the time/shy from large social situations.
I just wanted to say, nothing is wrong with you because of that. That's the way you are, and you shouldn't be ashamed of that. Just realize that for your job, you have to do something a little unnatural for you. But again, that doesn't make you a bad person because of it, it's not like you fail fail fail. You just win at different things. Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses - this is only a weakness, not a failure or something that makes you any less than anyone else ![]() ![]() ![]() |
#34
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(((cantstopcrying)))
I hope you can find an equitable & palatable solution to your personnel problems. I'm another not-a-people-person-people, and it is rough hearing that you make other people feel unliked or unwelcome. Some people just walk around thinking everyone they meet has to like them, that kind of "If someone doesn't like me, it's obviously something wrong with them, not me because hey, everyone likes me!" (Did that even make sense?) I imagine working in the medical profession or a research setting does generate a lot of interoffice politics, so have you thought about transferring to a position that requires more paperwork & less people? Or maybe even a training position - you just show people how to do their jobs better & there isn't such an emphasis on personal relationships because they'll never see you outside the classroom? I worked in night audit for a large hotel - I rarely if ever had to deal w/'the public' & my coworkers didn't like me because as night auditor I had to check their work & turn them into management - but I was ok with that because I wasn't expected to engage in small talk - it was discouraged because my integrity might be compromised if I got too friendly w/the staff. Management changed & started expecting me to take on more of a managerial position w/out giving me the backing to do my job, so I quit - & now I'm a help desk tech where the only exposure to the other employees (aside from my 6 coworkers) I have is over the phone.
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For every ailment under the sun, there be a remedy or there be none. If there be a remedy, try to find it. If there be none, then never mind it. |
#35
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I'm so sorry to hear about your problems. Seriously, with everything you've been through, most people would want to crawl into a hole from embarassment. The fact that you can relate the story to others and know that you are not nearly as bad a person as this jerk doctor makes you out to be is a triumph that many couldn't accomplish.
![]() ![]() I hate the modern office environment. Everyone is expected to be ultra-nice and social, and if you don't conform the "talk" behind your back begins. Believe me, you're far from the only person that this has happened to. I'm one of those people that likes to just sit down and do my work, but in a modern office that sort of behaviour is looked down upon. I mean, huh? I'm guessing it's even harder as a woman...a guy can still get away with being the "tough as nails" guy at the office, but women aren't allowed such a "privilege". It's a bit better in academia, but only a little. Anyway, it sounds like you do a good job at work, and your manager knows that, so you've pretty much got a safe grounding, despite what others might think. So try not to let the gossiping get to you - if you're an important component of the workplace, then there's little they can really do to you. Obviously I don't know you personally, but you seem like a kind, hard-working, and generous person. Everyone else here seems to agree, so I hope that the helps you somewhat. ![]() ![]() |
#36
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I actually have very little reason to communicate with other staff, except my front desk which I'm in charge of and I know they respect me. It just is a sucky situation all around. I was used--tossed under the bus--to make the manager look like she's not doing her job and it hurts and it hurts too that my lack of people skills was discussed in such a crass and hurtful way. Thank you for your comments and support.
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#37
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It is amazing, though, how easily the old record can begin to play. With just a word or two (or a half hour bashing of your self esteem) the needle drops and then the record starts going round and round. |
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