[maymie]

I'm pretty sad right now. Its a bunch of stuff that has me down. I'm trying really hard to fight my depression but I'm losing. I feel like I was doing good and then all of a sudden I got knocked over and I'm so tired of getting up and then being knocked over. I feel like every time I get to my feet someone, anyone comes and just pushes me down. I'm tired of fighting. Its draining me. I feel like I'm on my own. My family tells me to just get over it and stop being so sensitive and emotional. I try I really do. They are my biggest opponent. Its like they aren't happy untill they see me cry or give up and all of a sudden they are happy. I'm tired. I'm physically and mentally tired. I just wish I wasn't alone. I wish that someone would stick out their hand and say " I'm here, I know how you feel". I'm never enough. It's never enough. I can get tons of weight off, have my hair fixed just right, have the right amount of makeup on and have it on right and they would still find something wrong with me. God forbid my family say "you look nice". No, its always something they have to find to point out thats wrong. I litterally feel like I've been torn down and apart. I feel like I've been completely stripped and torn apart. I don't know what to do.
Then my brother disciplines my nieces too much or too harshly sometimes, at least thats my opinion. And it upsets me to watch it. Then he is constantly commenting about how much I eat, which isn't much, and when I eat.
My mom is constantly on my case about getting married. She can't wait for me to get married. She is constantly on my case that its taking me too long to get my college degree but the second I talk about not finishing she freaks out.
Then she wants me to get a house down the street from her in about another 3 years and wants me to stay living with her until I buy the house in 3 years. And if I have to listen to one more person defend my mom or whatever else I'm going to scream. I'm going to literally scream at the top of my lungs.

[cantstopcrying]

Something you have to remember and keep telling yourself is that it is your life. Do you want to buy the house or do you have other dreams and plans? Removing what they say about you, what do you think about you when you do your make up right and look just right? A saying that I really really really hate but *****sigh***** is true is no one can MAKE you feel a certain way, you ALLOW yourself to feel a certain way in reaction to someone or something. Blah! But next time your brother tells you that you eat too much, ask "too much for what? For me it's just right." When your mom gets upset about college...maybe it's taking longer than she thinks it should...say, "mom, please know I'm doing the best I can and I would hope that that is all you can ask of me. I know you would do it differently if it were you, but it's not" and give her a hug. (The hug will throw her off ). The best thing you do, in my opinion, when your brother is too harsh on his kids is hug them and compliment on other things; let them know they're good kids. I have one of those toxic families, too. Growing up my sister used to say, "you're going out like that?" That being maybe a long skirt and sweater, or jeans or a favorite pair of pants. Oooh, got a good one for you. About 12 years ago I had some Glamour Shots pictures done. I showed my mom who proceeded to say, "These are so beautiful, they don't look anything like you!" Stab me know and kick me!!! It is so hard to do when you let their toxicity affect you. Please, know that I offer that hand pictured above sincerly and know you are not alone.

[Capp]

oh, maymie, I'm sorry! what a tough situation for you to be in...

toxic families can do such damage to us that we sometimes we forget that we don't have to take their abuse...
CSC, offered very good advice and I hope you are able to use it!
it's hard at first to tell them that we will no longer allow them to treat us that way--sure does surprise them when we respond in entirely new and different ways.
start off slowly 'cause it's easier to build up your courage and determination to keep at it.

be kind to yourself, maymie. no one else will when they know you are not kind to yourself--accepting their abuse is not loving yourself.
one step at a time is a good way to start

Cap

[gimmeice]

(((((((((( maymie ))))))))))))))))
I agree with what has been said above, your family sounds toxic. The way I have dealt with my toxic family is to strike back, make it clear that you wont take what they are dishing out. I have set many boundaries with my family and now I am still trying to make those boundaries very clear, I know it can be hard it has taken me years to get to this point. The first step is to see what they are doing to you is wrong and is result of their issues not yours.