[BlackTears]

Arnt holidays suppose to be happy??? They havnt for me for a long time. I finally started seeing a pshyciatrist and to my surprise I find that I really like him and its easy to talk to him.. Despite the fact that hes a guy and I didnt think i would be able to talk to him because of my past childhood. But I can and I feel good when I leave his office. I started some new meds to. I told my husband that I wanted to seperate for awhile so I can try my best to fix me. We fight everyday and it hurts our kids. I just want to do it for awhile till I can sort through and get myself better our fighting dosnt help me at all.. But he said to me that if I want a seperation then its over for good. I dont know what to do. I have such conflicted feelings about it. I really want the seperation for my kids and to help me, but how do I move on and just drop 10 years of my life?? Were not happy and really havnt been for so long but I feel like I half to be with him I half to keep my family togeather.. I just dont know what to do.

[madisgram]

i'm sorry you are feeling so conflicted. these types of decisions are difficult to make especially when children are involved too. why not talk with your psychiatrist (pdoc) about this and get his input? i hope that helps you decide what you need to do for yourself.
and good for you for wanting to get better. that's the first part of healing yourself!

[gimmeice]

((((((((((((( Blacktears )))))))))))))))))

You asked "aren't holidays supposed to be happy?", my answer is that I think that we put too much pressure on ourselves to be happy which only makes the situation that much worse. I am trying very hard to just accept that holidays don't make me happy at this time because I put way to much pressure on myself to have that perfect holiday.

As for your relationship with your husband, is he willing to go to therapy with you? Sometimes it's hard for our loved ones to understand what we are going through and maybe attending therapy with you could be an eye opening experience for him. Please remember that you don't have to be anywhere(with a few exceptions of course), it sounds like you really need to evaluate your relationship to explore if it is fixable and what the best decisions are for you and your family.

[ems1971]

My heart goes out to you, as your life seems to parallel mine. My husband and I would fight, now that I'm in another country in school, we can fight long distance. We have been married for 10 yrs also and we have 4 children (3 are ours and 1 is mine). He also wants all or nothing- married or divorced. There may be some control issues occurring in your relationship as there are in mine I'd love to talk further.
from Elaine

Originally Posted by BlackTears

Arnt holidays suppose to be happy??? They havnt for me for a long time. I finally started seeing a pshyciatrist and to my surprise I find that I really like him and its easy to talk to him.. Despite the fact that hes a guy and I didnt think i would be able to talk to him because of my past childhood. But I can and I feel good when I leave his office. I started some new meds to. I told my husband that I wanted to seperate for awhile so I can try my best to fix me. We fight everyday and it hurts our kids. I just want to do it for awhile till I can sort through and get myself better our fighting dosnt help me at all.. But he said to me that if I want a seperation then its over for good. I dont know what to do. I have such conflicted feelings about it. I really want the seperation for my kids and to help me, but how do I move on and just drop 10 years of my life?? Were not happy and really havnt been for so long but I feel like I half to be with him I half to keep my family togeather.. I just dont know what to do.

[ems1971]

I love the saying. I need to type is up or copy/paste it so I can print it out and stick it all around me.
Thanks