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  #1  
Old Dec 31, 2008, 10:39 PM
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4everlonely 4everlonely is offline
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Location: arkansas
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I can understand when people sometimes spend a part of their life alone, but having to spend your entire life alone is ridicules. Why have I always been tossed aside like a piece of trash, am i not human. Am i one of gods experiments to see how much pain a person can take? Im tired of all my family and friends telling me im strong i will get thru this, but none of them have been thru what i have been thru. they all have someone in there life that felt they were worthy of just being with. How can a female of almost 40 ever think it will happen someday? Im tired of waiting, im tired of being strong, im tired of putting myself out there just to find out im not worth anyones time. Im tired of being alone, im tired of breathing.... I just dont see the point anymore, I think im done.

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  #2  
Old Dec 31, 2008, 10:43 PM
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Tumnus Tumnus is offline
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Location: Roseville
Posts: 578
Maybe someday is too far away to hope for. Can you try just getting through tonight? That's all I'm trying to do...

I know it feels like God conducts cruel experiments but I don't believe He does.
Thanks for this!
4everlonely
  #3  
Old Jan 01, 2009, 12:17 AM
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MINIME MINIME is offline
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Member Since: May 2008
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I am sorry you feel so bad. I know some of that feeling. I know its hard to feel so isolated. I am here with you. OK be safe.
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Thanks for this!
4everlonely
  #4  
Old Jan 01, 2009, 02:01 AM
Peppermint_Patty Peppermint_Patty is offline
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Location: Ohio
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Hi there 4ever,

Are you feeling lonely just because you don't have a special someone in you life?

I am a single, never married gal in my 40's and I know that having a relationship is important for many people.... but keep in mind that the grass isn't necessarily greener on the other side of the fence. I personally know plenty of people who are are married and/or in romantic relationships who are also very lonely!

Furthermore... the divorce rate is still hovering at 50% here in the good 'ole U.S. of A, so that should tell you something there. (And I would be willing to bet that in unmarried romantic relationships the break-up rate is even higher)

Also... think about it... but if 50% of the married population ends up getting divorced , what does that say about the 50% who remain married??? Are they really, truly, AND COMPLETELY happy?

I doubt it!! I certainly wouldn't consider them any happier than myself, that is for darn sure!

Anyway... pardon me if I might be stirring the pot a bit lol... by my rant about the hypocrisies of marriage and how it still touted by society as being the shangri-la of happiness... but getting back to the crux of your post... do you have any hobbies or activities to keep you busy?

Hobbies can be wonderful things to get your mind off stuff that is bothering you.

Also.. how often do you get together with family and friends? Maybe you need to plan more activities with them... that can help, too.

Whether its hobbies, volunteering, socializing more often, exercise, taking a class, etc etc....you need to keep yourself BUSY, BUSY, BUSY!!

Keeping busy will distract you from thinking about your loneliness or feeling sad or even angry at yourself.

Personally speaking...I hardly feel very lonely at all... there's just too many fun things to do!!! Now if I could just win the lottery, so I'd have more time on my hands.... and I wouldn't have to work... aaaaaahhh... now that would be great, lol.

Peppermint Patty

Quote:
Originally Posted by 4everlonely View Post
I can understand when people sometimes spend a part of their life alone, but having to spend your entire life alone is ridicules. Why have I always been tossed aside like a piece of trash, am i not human. Am i one of gods experiments to see how much pain a person can take? Im tired of all my family and friends telling me im strong i will get thru this, but none of them have been thru what i have been thru. they all have someone in there life that felt they were worthy of just being with. How can a female of almost 40 ever think it will happen someday? Im tired of waiting, im tired of being strong, im tired of putting myself out there just to find out im not worth anyones time. Im tired of being alone, im tired of breathing.... I just dont see the point anymore, I think im done.
  #5  
Old Jan 01, 2009, 06:06 AM
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Puffyprue Puffyprue is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2008
Location: Away from Polaris
Posts: 3,236
feeling lonely is horible feeling i know excatly how its feel..
you not alone you always have us here...we dont have to have someone special or relationship like anyone else ..make your own standart about happiness and dont compare it with anyone standart ...sometimes i ant to giving up of everything even its hard even for breathing an i think God Shouldnt trust me this much and i believe that god sent all of us here to this world for something good...we are special we just have to believe we are special...and keep this in your mind you always have us here on pc
iam sorry you have a hard time right now....
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As long as people aren't asking me if i'm all right, i am alright.


Thanks for this!
4everlonely
  #6  
Old Jan 01, 2009, 10:49 AM
bourne bourne is offline
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Member Since: Nov 2008
Location: Michigan
Posts: 22
Quote:
Originally Posted by 4everlonely View Post
I can understand when people sometimes spend a part of their life alone, but having to spend your entire life alone is ridicules. Why have I always been tossed aside like a piece of trash, am i not human. Am i one of gods experiments to see how much pain a person can take? Im tired of all my family and friends telling me im strong i will get thru this, but none of them have been thru what i have been thru. they all have someone in there life that felt they were worthy of just being with. How can a female of almost 40 ever think it will happen someday? Im tired of waiting, im tired of being strong, im tired of putting myself out there just to find out im not worth anyones time. Im tired of being alone, im tired of breathing.... I just dont see the point anymore, I think im done.
Hi 4ever.

I am 44 and in the same boat. I have been alone not forever, but for a very, very long time. I dont mean just romantically, but completely friendless. I for some reason just don't click with people, that and all my financial problem's. I tell you this just to let you know that there are other's who understand how you feel. I would invite you over for a coffee, and conversation, but it's a hell of a long drive....lol.

I hope the new year brings you what you seek.
Thanks for this!
4everlonely
  #7  
Old Jan 01, 2009, 11:08 AM
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Angel_of_the_Past Angel_of_the_Past is offline
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Member Since: Jun 2007
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,527
I am so very sorry you are hurting! Many of us here can understand your feelings. Please know we care and want to help. Please keep posting and reading the replies, the way the PC family copes and gets through will help you too.

Hugs,
Angel
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Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul...
Ange
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Thanks for this!
4everlonely
  #8  
Old Jan 01, 2009, 01:36 PM
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4everlonely 4everlonely is offline
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Location: arkansas
Posts: 27
No, its not just about not having someone special in my life. I know that relationships or marriage is tough and dont always work out, but it would of been nice to have been given that chance at least. I have been alone all my life- beaten to a bloody pulp by my father and told i would never amount to anything-finally went to live with my mom when i was 11, just to be abandoned at 15 and pretty much been taking care of myself since. Every man who has entered my life since just threw me away. My last relationship i had, I thought i had found the person i would spend the rest of my life with. We had such a great relationship,he made me feel i was so loved. we didnt fight or go thru any bad times, one day he out of the blu he didnt want to be in a relationship anymore. It was devastating-me at 37 and him at 45, i felt like this was something out of high school! then i realized when he left me was when my money ran out! he also got a huge promotion at work, it felt like since his financial situation improved, he no longer needed me. I think this was the final straw,this was my breaking point. I have always been able to pick myself up and move on, but this time i cant. I will never trust anyone again. I dont have friends or family close by, and i have done every type of hobby you can think of to get thru each day, it just feels like i have no purpose here except to just be alone and try to get thru to the next day. What kind of life is that-pathetic and pointless. a lifetime of loneliness and depression that never goes away, I just cant do it anymore.
  #9  
Old Jan 01, 2009, 02:19 PM
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madisgram madisgram is offline
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Member Since: Nov 2008
Location: Sunny East Coast Florida!
Posts: 6,873
i could really relate to your hopelessness and helplessness. i too felt that way for many, many years. it was such a struggle to get by daily. it took so much mental energy. i said all i am doing is breathing air.
imho, i don't believe that god had a hand in this. at least for me it was a chemical imbalance that i was born with. as an adult i sought professionsal care and was fortunate enough to find 2 excellent doctors that treated me. they wanted to help me get well too. i told them later that i know that god sent them to me. that's just for me, mind you, so i am not trying to press my own beliefs on you.
i know it is unbearable to be where you are at. i must admit that i don't know what enabled me to continue to seek out help until i found the professionals that really knew how to help me. i was at the end of my rope. that is why i call my experience a miracle.
i hope the same miracle will happen for you too.
meanwhile know there are some of us here at pc that can acknowledge and know how very badly you feel.
__________________
Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand
Thanks for this!
4everlonely
  #10  
Old Jan 01, 2009, 05:56 PM
Peppermint_Patty Peppermint_Patty is offline
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Member Since: Apr 2008
Location: Ohio
Posts: 213
4ever,

Yes... it is important to feel that people love us, but the most important thing is... do you love yourself???

If you don't love yourself... the love of another will not be enough. Also if you come across as emotionally needy, it will scare others off. People will run away if they feel smothered.

Anywho... you mentioned that you do not have any friends or family nearby... have you tried making friends in your area-- such joining a club or volunteer organization?

Close friendships can be hard to find and develop at any age, but even a few casual friendships, where you get together and do some fun activity, can be a real help in breaking the loneliness.

BTW... Meetup.com can be a good place to find fun activity groups in your area. Why not give them a try.

All the best,

Peppermint Patty

Quote:
Originally Posted by 4everlonely View Post
No, its not just about not having someone special in my life. I know that relationships or marriage is tough and dont always work out, but it would of been nice to have been given that chance at least. I have been alone all my life- beaten to a bloody pulp by my father and told i would never amount to anything-finally went to live with my mom when i was 11, just to be abandoned at 15 and pretty much been taking care of myself since. Every man who has entered my life since just threw me away. My last relationship i had, I thought i had found the person i would spend the rest of my life with. We had such a great relationship,he made me feel i was so loved. we didnt fight or go thru any bad times, one day he out of the blu he didnt want to be in a relationship anymore. It was devastating-me at 37 and him at 45, i felt like this was something out of high school! then i realized when he left me was when my money ran out! he also got a huge promotion at work, it felt like since his financial situation improved, he no longer needed me. I think this was the final straw,this was my breaking point. I have always been able to pick myself up and move on, but this time i cant. I will never trust anyone again. I dont have friends or family close by, and i have done every type of hobby you can think of to get thru each day, it just feels like i have no purpose here except to just be alone and try to get thru to the next day. What kind of life is that-pathetic and pointless. a lifetime of loneliness and depression that never goes away, I just cant do it anymore.
  #11  
Old Jan 01, 2009, 07:40 PM
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4everlonely 4everlonely is offline
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Member Since: Dec 2008
Location: arkansas
Posts: 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by Peppermint_Patty View Post
4ever,

Yes... it is important to feel that people love us, but the most important thing is... do you love yourself???

If you don't love yourself... the love of another will not be enough. Also if you come across as emotionally needy, it will scare others off. People will run away if they feel smothered.

Anywho... you mentioned that you do not have any friends or family nearby... have you tried making friends in your area-- such joining a club or volunteer organization?

Close friendships can be hard to find and develop at any age, but even a few casual friendships, where you get together and do some fun activity, can be a real help in breaking the loneliness.

BTW... Meetup.com can be a good place to find fun activity groups in your area. Why not give them a try.

All the best,

Peppermint Patty
acually i was just the opposite of emotionally needy, maybe that has been my problem-too strong,not needy enough.everyone i know have recently been shocked to here that i do feel lonely and depressed as i have hid it so well. its just recent that i feel such a need for someone special in my life. this is the only place i have been able to express myself freely without feeling like im just whining. I have done very well with my life considering my upbringing. I have always had confidence in myself and
always have done the right thing. now i just cry myself to sleep every night. i have looked into activity groups in my area, unforunatly it mostly consist of people 60 and older.which i do enjoy being around that age crowd, it is not a place for meeting people my age to go do things with. i also live in a dry county so there is no night life here not that i would be a bar fly but it would be easier to meet people. The people i do know such as co-workers are all married and have families so they are unavailable most of the time and i feel like a 3rd wheel.
  #12  
Old Jan 01, 2009, 09:07 PM
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lifelesstraveled lifelesstraveled is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2008
Location: East Coast
Posts: 885
You know I almost cried reading your post and that's hard a thing for me to do. I could've written some of that myself...It's hard to "hope for a brighter day" when you don't know when that day will come. Like Tumnus said, can you just get through the day/night? I have had so many days when I just say screw this, the struggle isn't worth it and the dark thoughts come flooding in. People keep saying someday someday...but when? The people telling you you are strong may not have any idea of the pain you are in, but they want you to hold on. They obviously care about you. Can you hang on for them??
Thanks for this!
4everlonely
  #13  
Old Jan 02, 2009, 07:36 PM
Peppermint_Patty Peppermint_Patty is offline
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Member Since: Apr 2008
Location: Ohio
Posts: 213
Hi 4everlonely,

Meetup.com has a lot of activity groups with younger members (30's and 40's). You might want to give them a try.

Anyway... I just want to say, that I also have co-workers who are married with kids but we still find time to socialize. We just go out to lunch during the work week. Sometimes on the weekends we also meet (they bring their kids along) for a walk at a park.

Anyway... don't overlook older folks or people younger than yourself for friendship. I have friends in all different age groups. Also there are plenty of single, divorced, & widowed people out there (I read recently that single women now out number married women in the USA) so keep looking and you will find some friends.

Finally... I just want to say that if you are crying yourself to sleep every night (as you mentioned in your latest post), and feeling sad for long periods of time, then it sounds like there is another issue (a far bigger one) that is contributing to your sad mood.

Are you currently being treated for depression????

I am just wondering because depression can have a nasty way of making one see situations in life as being far worse than they actually are. It also can make one think that these problems are virtually impossible to solve.

Peppermint Patty

Quote:
Originally Posted by 4everlonely View Post
acually i was just the opposite of emotionally needy, maybe that has been my problem-too strong,not needy enough.everyone i know have recently been shocked to here that i do feel lonely and depressed as i have hid it so well. its just recent that i feel such a need for someone special in my life. this is the only place i have been able to express myself freely without feeling like im just whining. I have done very well with my life considering my upbringing. I have always had confidence in myself and
always have done the right thing. now i just cry myself to sleep every night. i have looked into activity groups in my area, unforunatly it mostly consist of people 60 and older.which i do enjoy being around that age crowd, it is not a place for meeting people my age to go do things with. i also live in a dry county so there is no night life here not that i would be a bar fly but it would be easier to meet people. The people i do know such as co-workers are all married and have families so they are unavailable most of the time and i feel like a 3rd wheel.
Thanks for this!
4everlonely
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