[mistymi]

time to start all over. i made it through another year without to many attempts.
what will this year bring more heartache, more headache or just more junk i dont want to deal with. i am going through a time even my persrciption sleep meds i sleep if i am lucky four hours and that is making my depression get worse as the days go by.
i was feeling good the other day and now with out it sounding wrong i give up. no i am not going to harm myself, but i would like to take something to knock me out for a while.
i hate thinking i have to face another year ahead. what am i going to do to screw this one up?
i was so stressed with one of my classes today and then i was told i was the only one that did the formatting correct. my husband said to me at least i can do one thing right. maybe it is a fluke. maybe i should beleve what so many other people have said over the years.
CRAP I am so sorry i was rambling and didn't realize how much i wrote or how awful it is.. another screw up on my part.

[lifelesstraveled]

Originally Posted by mistymi

time to start all over. i made it through another year without to many attempts.
what will this year bring more heartache, more headache or just more junk i dont want to deal with. i am going through a time even my persrciption sleep meds i sleep if i am lucky four hours and that is making my depression get worse as the days go by.
i was feeling good the other day and now with out it sounding wrong i give up. no i am not going to harm myself, but i would like to take something to knock me out for a while.
i hate thinking i have to face another year ahead. what am i going to do to screw this one up?
i was so stressed with one of my classes today and then i was told i was the only one that did the formatting correct. my husband said to me at least i can do one thing right. maybe it is a fluke. maybe i should beleve what so many other people have said over the years.
CRAP I am so sorry i was rambling and didn't realize how much i wrote or how awful it is.. another screw up on my part.

(((((mistymi)))))
Yes, it's another year...whoopdee doo...A new year, same old ish...I know the feeling.

And it's okay to ramble. I do it all the time. You are getting your thoughts out You didn't screw up. My rambles have turned out much longer . But the good thing about rambling is that people will read and feel your pain and happily respond, like me--that's what we are here for and we allll understand.

I feel like a hypocrit for saying it will get better because i have yet to get there(then again I just started therapy), but I have a tiny bit hope that it will for me (which is probably why I am still here. That and my sister is probably my only connection to life right now) and I want you to have hope--even if that little bit of hope the size of your baby toe nail. Try to get through one day at a time, okay??

[Puffyprue]

((((((((((((((((mistymi))))))))))))))

[madisgram]

i'm sorry you are so uneasy about what this year will bring for you. can you try to imagine for just a moment...this could be the year that the clouds will lift and the sun will shine for you again.
why can i suggest that? it happened to me. (at that time i could hardly see to the end of a day).
just keep determined to regain your strength...believe it can happen to you...envision how you would feel. just take one day at a time...keep a journal...it will reveal many things about yourself.
i did a gratitude list and as time went on i found more and more things to be grateful for. i'm not sugarcoating how you feel for i know it is real. my post is a gentle suggestion of things that helped me get from hell to happiness.

[mistymi]

i will try some of your suggestions. i tried to keep a journal for a little bit when i first was released from the hospital a few years ago and when my ex husband found it he had me locked up again that day. so i quit keeping a journal. maybe i will try again and just watch what i say in there to.
believeing is something i cannot do. if i truely believe i allow my self the chance of being hurt all over again.
to envision i can try that one. i think.
graditude list i have never heard of that one. could you explain alittle about that

thank you for your suggestions. it gives me ideas and something to think about

[madisgram]

Originally Posted by mistymi

i will try some of your suggestions. i tried to keep a journal for a little bit when i first was released from the hospital a few years ago and when my ex husband found it he had me locked up again that day. so i quit keeping a journal. maybe i will try again and just watch what i say in there to.
believeing is something i cannot do. if i truely believe i allow my self the chance of being hurt all over again.
to envision i can try that one. i think.
graditude list i have never heard of that one. could you explain alittle about that

thank you for your suggestions. it gives me ideas and something to think about

gratitude list: things that i am grateful for today. things that bring a smile on my face...it could be a happy memory. that i have food to eat today because many are starving. things that i know are good things about myself...like honest or i'm a good friend. that today is a sunny day or a rainy day, etc. that i have people who care about me...be specific, like friends at pc.
throughout the day add other things to your list as they come to you. reread your list often throughout the day. it will reinforce the positive. start your day each day with a new list. save the others to reread too.
you stated your ex found your old journal. sounds like he's not around now so hopefully you can do this. each day at the top do a ranking about how you feel. 1- feeling very bad, 5- being great! write about how you are feeling, what is bothering you, etc. expressing even our hopelessness is letting steam out of the pressure cooker of our mind. it lessens the intensity.
i have saved all my journals from 18 years ago...not to remind me of the sorrow i felt, the lack of hope, etc but to see just how very far i have come. i don't read them often...about every 5 years...but it reinforces to me that a human being that stated all she did was breathe air is now a positive person with love in her heart for herself, hope, and loving each breath of air i breathe.
i wish all those good things for you too. today i can honestly say that i do believe those things can happen to you. i was at death's door and was restored. keep us posted, k?