[Poppet]

- thats how I am feeling today, peeps.

I think I know part of what it is. I did a lot (for me) of posts yesterday and I was my ok self then. I get this feeling afterwards like remorse, I shouldn't offer my opinion, who do I think I am ? on and on......

I send my posts with good wishes but a part of me feels so bad about the unknown aspect - what do they really think of me ? what is the general opinion on this 'poppet' person - am I just an insignificant moth bashing away at a light bulb ?

I hate this feeling cos when I am ok I can see it clearer but today and last night I can't. Its like I am being punished for daring to actually think that I could offer you anything at all.

I had a dream about being excluded last night - it hooks into my fears of that. Also, I saw a post the other day where a person said they felt there were cliques on the forums. I have not felt that, but that post put thoughts in my mind and stirred up that fear.

OMG, what if they are all buddies who do PMs to each other and are saying stuff about me behind my back, what if its really obvious I am not wanted and I can't see it ? Paranoia is getting to me. I am so sorry.

I have had these fears since childhood so please don't take offence, I know that on forums things need to be taken on trust but I am just thrown by it all and feel odd today. You are good ppl . Its just me..........

Its like I dare to be me and then I get punished (or, I punish myself). I love posting here, etc but it seems so overwhelming at times. And so different from everyday life - we talk and share our pain, but the human contact bit is different. There are so many of us. And at some level do we know each other ? In 3D I like to get to know ppl slowly one at a time. But here there seems like there are so many ppl to know that it is often too overwhelming for me.

I feel that I am entering 'waffle' mode so I need to go now - all I can say is please do not be offended by anything I say, nothing is meant to be horrible, ppl here have been so kind to me and I feel bad about being so paranoid. But I know I need to get it off my chest to you.

Sorry, sorry, sorry...................Poppet

[silver_queen]

Poppet... I for one love reading your posts. You write with compassion, sensitivity and kindness. I'm sorry you're feeling this way today.

(((((((((Poppet)))))))))

[Wants2Fly]

Poppet -- You express love and caring in your posts. You capture feelings and situations that I can relate to.

I have experienced the kinds of thoughts and feelings that you are having today. Not fun!

Hope that love of people here will help reassure you that the negative thoughts are just fantasies and that they will blow away like fuzz from dandelions.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((Poppet))))))))))))))))))))

[Myzen]

Hi Poppet,

You're right about the forum being a big place, and it can seem scary, but it's a good thing too. I haven't found any cliques here, and that's what I like about Psych Central.
Cliques are about power, but here we are all in the same boat, so to speak.

It takes a while to realise that your safe.

Good thoughts to you, myzen

[phoenix30]

Oh Poppet, I'm sorry you're feeling blue today. If it helps, I feel like that most of the time, every day, out with frends, at work, alone at home, here in the forum.

Sometimes I manage to 'see sense' and feel optimistic and loved and cherished by the people in my life, and those days are growing in number. But I do feel paranoid sometimes, and I try to just force myself to carry on and try and ignore the feelings and thoughts.

Paranoia has such strength, but you have shown such compassion and understanding since I've been here, I know you are stronger that it.

You are show incredible kindess, compassion, sense(!), and honesty in your posts. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you before just how much that has meant to me. Thank you for your thoughts, your words, your posts, thank you for being here and making this whole process so much easier for me to handle.

Concentrate on your thoughts and feelings and experiences and don't let the negativity and parnoia creep in from elsewhere... I hope you feel better soon, along with everyone else here, I'll bet!

Hang in there hon, I'll need that angel back one day - I'll be counting on you to give it, lol

Karen x

[Poppet]

Thankyou my friends from the bottom of my heart, I am so glad you replied cos I was scared no-one would and I need that reassurance that I am ok so much at the moment.

((((((((((Silver)))))))))
((((((((((Wants)))))))))
((((((((Myzen)))))))))))
(((((((((Karen))))))))))

You took time to notice me and I appreciate that so much.

I am still a bit low, not as bad though, and your replies help me fight those neg. thoughts. Its all so tiring, as I feel sure you know.

I go to a program for ppl with chronic health probs and we set a goal each week. This week we talked about the benefits of exercise (basic stuff) and I set my goal at having a 20 min walk 4 days this week.
I went out yesterday to try and feel I was doing something positive.

I went to the local shopping precinct and treated myself to a magazine about clothes etc. I know it may seem shallow, but I love clothes, etc and cos I don't really go anywhere anymore I really miss looking in shops and trying on, planning outfits, and wearing 'em !

I get dressed up just to go to the dr, or counsellor, or dentist - sad, huh ?
Does anyone else feel this loss of something that others out there take for granted ? My clothes make me happy, and help me feel good. At home I'm just dossing around in joggypants and a black top covered in cat hair !!!!!

I was just then going to apologise, but no ! not giving in to that. I am not ashamed about the clothes stuff.

When I was a young teenager just discovering hairstyles, fashion, make up and women's magazines I was told that it was shallow by my dad, I always felt that was all I was - a shallow, emptyheaded female.

But, after years of self discovery and following my heart I know that I have many sides to me, some very serious. I think ppl need the shallow as well as the deep - specially when the deep side takes on too much of the woes of other ppl and the world.

So, heres to wearing lovely clothes and having a good old dance to my beloved soul music !!!

I'll get back there one day !

Thanks for listening, chicks..........Poppet

[nothemama8]

Poppet , glad your feeling better we have enjoyed your posts because there sincere, your not a shallow about liking nice clothes, could you do us a special favor, because of our weight problem we have trouble finding cute outfits, so the next time you get something cute wear it for us
angie

[nightdream]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{Poppet}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I hope you have a good day today!

nightdream

[Fuzzybear]

Poppet, I am sorry this is late but I love reading your posts as they are filled with kindness, compassion, honesty and intelligence. I can relate to a lot of what you write. Thinking of you today
((((((((((((((((((Poppet))))))))))))))))))

[silver_queen]

((((((((Poppet)))))))) I'm glad you're feeling a little better today. There is nothing wrong with clothes shopping... I love it. The hardest part is having the money to afford them

I'm glad you're going to be taking some exercise, I hope it helps you. I'm not sure where you are in the UK but here earlier it was sunny (though it's cloudy now )

Take care,

Silver.

[Poppet]

Angie, Nightdream, Fuzzy, and Silver.

Your kind words lift my spirit cos today is not too good as I write. It is really cold and snowing on and off here and I went out and got panicky in a shop and had to come home. Heres to next time !

p.s. Angie, we have a shop called 'evans' over here for larger ladies and they are fashionable and smart - not 'tents' like they used to be. Don't know if you have that kind of place near you ? Anyway, once I start getting a few springtime things, I'll wear them for you

((((((((((((((((big hugs)))))))))))) to all of you

I hope you are all ok, I am so pleased to have good feedback about ppl reading my posts - you restore my faith in humanity and in my own abilities.

Feel a bit shaky and hard to concentrate much so i will go now......................take care....Poppet

[nothemama8]

Poppet you are WONDERFUL don't ever forget that
I love the color purple all shades so find us something in shades of purple
Angie

[Poppet]

(((((((((((Angie))))))))))))))

just a quik one b4 I faint with hunger !!!!

YOU love purple too, that's my fave colour - my hair is a purpley shade hehehe !

So the chances of purple are good !

Oh, just b4 I go - you are wonderful too, such a big heart, thankyou.............must have my tea now

xxxxPoppet

[phoenix30]

So happy you feel better poppet,

((((poppet))))

Karen x

[(JD)]

I think you're kewl too! Second guessing ourselves is a big part of mental unwellness.... try to remember this when you get there again...

[inkblot]

Ya know, I think I've had a few of those days! {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Poppet}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}