Some thoughts from others about me

I am in the middle of a depression and feel quite down. It is affecting my eating and my conversations with people around me. What is really bothering me at the moment as I await therapy, is the fact that I am having constant thoughts about an x boyfriend who I am sure is a narcissist. We have been together in one way or another for the past 28 years. He was very early in our relationship my one truest love. He never left his wife, I got married and have been married for 25 years yet off and on we still get together. It has never been about sex. We have never had sex. There is kissing and hugging and talking and that is about it. We have ended it again after being together off and on the past two years. If we have not been together we have been texting or phoning. We have stopped talking since Christmas and I am devestated. He is always on my mind. This is a man who was also carrying on on-line affairs with 2 other women while we were talking. I don't know how he keeps it all straight and how his wife of 30some years is still with him. Some one please help me ....I am obsessing about him and the fact that we are not talking and that he is with yet again another woman and it stresses me out. I need someone to talk sense into me because I cannot get into any therapy for almost 3 months.

hi "tg"...would u be willing to change your screenname? that would be a good start for you, imho.
it sounds to me that this guy is way too selfish for any good woman. he has himself scattered to the four winds. are u in love with him or in love with being in love? there's a difference. if you decided to get on with your life without him perhaps you could find some peace of mind. and how 'bout your own hubby? is he being denied a good relationship with you as a result of all this? where does he fit in?
i'm not trying to bust your chops on this but that's the reality of the situation. if you have a committment with your husband then committ. if you are unhappy with your spouse, can it be fixed?
this other guy is a loser in my book, jme. make a resolution to yourself to take back your life and get on with it. this guy can offer u absolutely nothing but more of the same....and he's doing it not just to you but many other women at the same time. there's nothing in it for you or for the other women but grief, just my opinion.
glad you are willing to go to therapy. hang in there and once you start, this can discussed. in the meantime i'm glad you posted here. we care about you.

Hello tommysgirl, it's nice to meet you, welcome to psych central. Please remember that you need to take good care of yourself, try doing some things that helps you to relax.
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Hi tommysgirl, it sounds like your mind is overloaded with thoughts. What draws you to the ex boyfriend? Is there a hole in your relationship with your hubby? Maybe if you could figure out what attracts you to the ex, then you might be able to develop it in your relationship with your husband....?

I don't know a whole lot about relationships, but I have gone through something a little like what you are experiencing. I was attracted to a guy but was in a serious 7.5 year long relationship with my boyfriend. I had a lot of fantasies and thoughts about the other guy.

My therapist had me describe my fantasies and thoughts about him. Like you, most of my thoughts were not about sex. What we figured out was that there were things missing in my current relationship and I was looking to the other guy to fill in the holes.

Well, you may not want to handle your situation like I handled mine. I never pursued the relationship with the other guy, but I did eventually end my longterm relationship with my boyfriend. When I took a good hard and honest look at our relationship, I realized that I had some significant wants/needs that were not being met in our relationship.

I don't know a lot about your situation so maybe it is nothing like mine. I just thought I'd share my experience. I hope you can figure this out for yourself.

Oh, one thing I want to add--it was a big red flag for me when I became jealous of the women in the other guy's life. That was a sign that I needed to work on some of my issues.

I hope you can work this out...take care.

Thanks for sharing
I understand completely what you say about a big red flag. I know I have issues and am currently waiting for therapy which I will not get until mid-May. I am just having such a hard hard hard time. I am lost and drowning in this pit.

((((tommysgirl)))

How is it affecting your conversations with others, this depression? How has your appetite been affected, has it been greater or less?

I, too, was obssessed with a man, someone that was not even mine...and it hurt...hurt bad..

I wish i could get back the sheer amount of TIME and THOUGHTS I spent on him....those are time and thoughts I could have spent on someone even better- MYSELF!

You can PM me tommysgirl, anytime.....

This depression affects every thing I do. I am not eating. I am not sleeping. I cry at the drop of a hat. My head(brain) knows that thinking of him is stupid. My heart is a heart that has loved him for the last 28 years off and on. I know he is a loser and that my life would be hell but that does not stop my heart from feeling

Can you get a therapist? I have found therapy to be very, very helpful if not life saving! If you are having trouble eating and sleeping and crying....what about therapy?