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#1
Apr 04, 2009, 09:03 PM
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I wrote a post out and it deleted before I could 'publish' it. I don't think I have the strength to write it all again
 but I hurt! I hurt SO bad
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Makes me work a little bit harder
Makes me that much wiser So thanks for making me a fighter |
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#2
Apr 04, 2009, 09:09 PM
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Wrote quite a lot more than this but this is best I can do now...
The guy I've been seeing (boyfriend... although I can't really call him that anymore) works for a company who he travels a lot for. On Friday he got asked to work in London, full time. I knew it'd happen. I knew he was too good to be true. I knew that my life finally going forward and being on an up wouldn't last. It never does. Everyone leaves. Everyone. I've had so many sudden/painful/bad endings to things/relationships it's getting too hard to take. I can't cope with it anymore. Hurt so much. When he goes and my best and only friend goes (shes going to New Zealand in July) that's it. No friends. Noone to get away from my family/dad with. Noone to socialise with. this hurts. I hurt. I'm fighting urges, ad urges right now. I can't stop crying. I can't stop thinking. My head is a huge mess and is just whirring and throbbing and thinking. Heart aches so bad.SO fed up. I hurt!
__________________
Makes me work a little bit harder
Makes me that much wiser So thanks for making me a fighter |
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#3
Apr 04, 2009, 09:18 PM
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Quote:
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 silver_moon
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#4
Apr 04, 2009, 09:23 PM
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(((((Silver_Moon)))))
 I hear you...I feel it too!! I don't have any family near me and I only have two friends whom I don't hang with that much. We do have the forum....so keep talking to us and we'll be here for you!! 
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| silver_moon
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#5
Apr 04, 2009, 09:26 PM
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silvermoon...it helps to get it out...I'm feeling your pain...
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 artichack
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| silver_moon
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#6
Apr 04, 2009, 09:37 PM
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 (((((((( SM))))))))))) Hang in there dear thing , everything might seem like its going awful at the moment and you think it cant get any worse could it . but in reality it probably will  BUT the one thing you have to find deep down is the belief that things happen for a reason and you might not see it now but good things generally happen to good people... and your a special good person. I as well have been there facing the dark future when everyone left and it seemed impossible to see how any good could happen to me........ A scary place indeed it was.. THEN out of the darkness came a hand to hold/help me into a brighter outlook......... YOU just have to use the time between now and then to make yourself stronger and more adaptable to things that you cant change . And take control of the world you can .......... don't ever give up
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| silver_moon
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#7
Apr 05, 2009, 01:39 AM
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Thanks
Dont think theres much chance of me having hope. Didn't sleep last night. I'm awake way too early. Feel so sick. Really can't do this hurt too muchdon't want to do this
__________________
Makes me work a little bit harder
Makes me that much wiser So thanks for making me a fighter |
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#8
Apr 05, 2009, 02:24 AM
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http://www.hendricksonfundforchildre.../butterfly.gif
that's what it is all about 1 foot at a time wake up feel like poo have coffee/tea get on with the day cant wait to go to sleep hope tomorrow is better is there a pattern here? sounds like any other day to me  chin up --- chest out --- another day dawns glad to see you made it through one more
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Last edited by daggy; Apr 05, 2009 at 02:26 AM. Reason: http not allowed for me but you get the drift |
| silver_moon
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#9
Apr 05, 2009, 03:15 AM
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(((daggy)))
wish I hadn't got through another day though. I just wanna die! I really do... I won't 'cause I'm too afraid, but wish I would. Instead I'm doing it slow. It's alright though... when it really gets tough, when S goes off to London and K to New Zealand I'm gonna end up on psych ward 'cause I can't even cope now... can't even imagine what I'll be like then. And how am I meant to work in a school when I'm like this. Doc'll say I'm too unstable blah blah blah
__________________
Makes me work a little bit harder
Makes me that much wiser So thanks for making me a fighter |
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#10
Apr 05, 2009, 04:55 AM
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(((((((((((((((((((((molly))))))))))))))))))
u maybe u both still can use net and phone to comunicate  i know its hard hun ....iam here with you....
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As long as people aren't asking me if i'm all right, i am alright. |
| silver_moon
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#11
Apr 05, 2009, 05:41 AM
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I need to talk to someone. But it's Sunday. Can't talk to my GP, she's very busy anyway. Nicki, my employment coach, is on holiday at the other side of the world. Briony, the woman who helps me with getting out and about, I haven't a number for, well not direct, and it's Sunday. I have no therapist yet. There is no chance on earth I'm phoning Samaritans 'cause I've tried 3 times before and I've ended up worse.
I'm a mess I hurt so much. I never believed in luck/bad luck... but...How do I stop crying How do I stop hurting When will all this **** stop
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Makes me work a little bit harder
Makes me that much wiser So thanks for making me a fighter Last edited by silver_moon; Apr 05, 2009 at 08:45 AM. |
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#12
Apr 05, 2009, 10:13 AM
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__________________
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| silver_moon
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#13
Apr 05, 2009, 01:37 PM
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Can' do this. And my families being awful. I nearly ended up with food in my face (my dads doing) just because I'm upset and crying. I can't do anything, noone to talk to. Want to scream. I can't evewrite how I feel or what I'm thinking,
__________________
Makes me work a little bit harder
Makes me that much wiser So thanks for making me a fighter |
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#14
Apr 05, 2009, 02:04 PM
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(((((Silver_Moon)))))
I can empathize with what you are experiencing and I'm soooo sorry it is so difficult for you!! I check the forum throughout the day, so if you need someone to talk with you can PM me!  I would be more than happy to chat with you. It would give us both a bit of social time even though it would be through the inter-net. Please take care, my thoughts are with you!! 
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| silver_moon
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#15
Apr 05, 2009, 02:51 PM
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(((((((((((SilverMoon)))))))))))
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| silver_moon
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#16
Apr 06, 2009, 12:12 PM
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I don't want to be alone. I hurt so much. Been with my mum for most of the day, but I still feel alone. I was happy with Ste. I got away from home. He made me happy, he was an amazing guy. Wish I had just a friend IRL.
Pain of loneliness is so bad Why am I always left Saw him last night to talk and we spent an hour just trying to say goodbye. Held each other and kissed and cried. I hated it. I didn't wanna let him go. And now I'm back to square 1... in an abusive home, no friends, no social life, no job, no stability to work and stupidly depressed. That doesn't even look s bad written down. It's pathetic.
__________________
Makes me work a little bit harder
Makes me that much wiser So thanks for making me a fighter |
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#17
Apr 07, 2009, 01:02 AM
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Silver you are a few things up on me when I was in your situation. They mightn't be the best things in your life now but you have to make the most of what you HAVE got right now to be able to advance in your future.
It might seem like the end of everything but from the ends of everything bad comes the hope that something good will arise. No matter how many times you write it all down and it all seems like doom and gloom. You will find that you shall emerge from this experience a stronger person. The long good-byes are always hard( writing this brings back all my long good-byes) I remember them and some I wished would have never ended and others I just wondered why But in the long run the feelings I felt made me stronger in the decisions that I had to make later . LOve will win you will feel better you have friends molly your heart will mend take care
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