[tigersassy]

It's cancer but it's a chronic condition. I'm 27 years old. The 13 of November, the day before I turned 27 I found out that my WBC count was critically high. It was 116,000. The normal is 5,000-10,000. By the 11/26 I knew what it was. Treatment started the beginning of December 100mg of sprycel. I'll have to take it as long as it continues to work I'll be on it forever. How do you deal with this? I'm just overwhelmed by all off this.

[kaliope]

i am sorry that you have received this overwhelming news. i imagine it is similar to a diabetic finding out they have to take insulin in order to survive. it is a life changing event and is going to take some time adjusting to. you may not be able to find a support group specific to this, but maybe a diabetic support group and you could taper it to meet your needs. take care.

[Pikku Myy]

Lost of positive energy your way tigersassy

[tigersassy]

The past few days have been crying days. I sit down and stop going and it smacks me in the face. If I'm not engrossed in something It's what I think about. The only thing I think about. I think I'm just going to cry today. Give in for a bit.

[Pikku Myy]

I somehow feel for you tigersassy I went thru a cancer diagnosis and treatment almost 19 years ago. I thought it was the end of the world me. Well, I am still here and now cancer free for 18 years. I hope you have the same results , get cured and start feeling better soon

[eskielover]

There is a grieving process that happens when you get a Dx of cancer or like you said, something that you will have to treat for the rest of your life......

Diabetics have to treat their illness for the rest of their life & they have a long life........hope you will be able to see it in that perspective.......know it feels like your body let you down because there wasn't supposed to be anything seriously wrong with our bodies until we get OLD......then we understand because it's the normal aging process......I sure you are experiencing a lot of emotions......& it's OK....it's what every NORMAL person would be feeling right now.

Maybe through the hospital or where you are getting your treatments, you might be able to find a support group.....they seem to have them for everything so I'm sure you will find others who are going through the same thing you are & the sharing might be VERY helpful to know you aren't alone if the feelings you are having.

My prayers are with you

[~Christina]

My Father fought a hell of battle with another type of leukemia. It took him time to deal and accept it, I'm glad you have one that can treated. Take accepting it as your able to. This medical problem could have a directly effect on your Bipolar hellride you have been on recently. Maybe now your Bipolar will just chill and cut you a break

[tigersassy]

I'm hoping the bipolar is not really happening. That the mood thing could truly be part of my PTSD.
I'm trying to accept it slowly, but it has truly changed everything. Which makes it seem utterly catastrophic. And to some thoughts and ideas it is. Like I'll never have a biological child. I'll never be able to spend a year in another country (without some major medical insurance). I'm glad it's treatable, but I wish it was one that could be treated in treatment cycles and would go into true remission. But it's not. I have to accept that.

[tigersassy]

Is it ok to despise people for their ignorance? I mean do you really think I'd be at work if I was sick and wearing a mask to keep other people from getting it? Is it ok just break down and cry? Is it ok to get sooo frustrated with people saying it's a good form of cancer? How about people saying you are handling it so well?
What do I have to do to seem normal for someone with cancer?
I don't want to be 27 with cancer even if it's treatable with just a chemo pill everyday. I want to have a normal life. And be able too do what I had planned. I just don't want this to be my life.

[eskielover]

What you are going through is a serious grieving process & what you are feeling about the loss of the life you had planned & the need for taking meds every day (even if it is a treatable cancer).......you are going through a terrible loss of what you had planned for your life......it's right to feel angry....it's right to cry......it's right to feel all the emotions that you are going through right now.......

So many people are ignorant that when things like this happen, it's normal for the person to feel horrible & cry & take time off work.......you need time to yourself to process all of this cause it's not just something that normal people ACCEPT without that horrible feeling of loss for all the plans & the future life you were sure was going to be yours.

Remember for right now, your mind has a lot of processing that it's needing to do to sort through all your feelings & all the new information & what it REALLY means to your life & how it's going to IN REALITY effect the future life you have already planned.....what changes will be necessary & what you can go ahead with as you originally planned.

UGH......that's a lot for any mind to have to process on top of all the other issues & reactions of others. Cry when you feel like it....it's ok to tell people that no cancer is a good kind of cancer even when there are treatments. It would be normal to wear a mask to keep their illnesses away from you as I'm sure the treatment will lower your immune system also.......It's ok to feel angry...it's even NORMAL to feel those feelings.

I guess that is why support groups with others who are going through & have gone through what you are experiencing helps because you can share with those who have experienced the same horrible feelings that you are going through. It helps to know that others have the same experiences that you are going through & that you aren't alone in the experience or in your reactions you are having or how you feel about the reactions of those who have no idea what you are REALLY going through....they can't see or feel your thoughts & emotions....what's going on inside of you.

Some you might be able to share what you are going through with your thoughts & feelings....but there will always be some out there who JUST DON'T GET IT either......surround yourself with those who do at this point & filter out those who don't as much as possible

Give yourself time as there is no one who wouldn't be normally overwhelmed by everything you are going through. It takes time to find out what your new normal is actually going to be like....& it doesn't mean you have to like it in the first place. Be kind & understanding to yourself.

You are also acting normal to the stupid things that people are saying to you because they have no idea what to say & say the first thing in the tip of their tongue because they don't know better, are trying to make you feel better.

[-jimi-]

I think it is "normal" to be sad. Like you said, this changes how you live your life. Other people might be well meaning and try to push you through the process of accepting and changing, but it sure doesn't work like that. It takes the time it takes.

And no, it's not a "nice" cancer at all. It's actually very mean. The only reason it is manageable is that they found good meds for it. In the quite recent past, the meds for it only helped people live a few years. So it's still a bad butt cancer, it just has much better meds now.

Also, if people say "at least it's not a worse type of cancer", well first of all, the "at least" almost always signals there is some kind of lack of understanding, it rarely helps comforting anyone. Also I wonder if they say it more for themselves than you! They say At least it's treatable but inside they might think Whew! I will not lose this lovely person soon.

I hope I make sense. (I notice I rarely do...)

If it was me I wouldn't take this well. I don't think anyone would. But sometimes people don't know what to say, and some people want to fast track us to mental recovery like if that is possible... Ugh.

Wishing you well.

[tigersassy]

Nervous have a hematology appointment tomorrow where I find out my bcr-abl level. That's my blood cancer marker. I'm trying to handle this. I told my therapist today that I wonder if me letting it consume me for a day or two would help just get it out of my system. I know I need grieve, but I can't get it all out. I hope therapy tomorrow is helpful dealing with this. I'm just unsettled and waiting for the bottom to drop out again. I was dealing with my PTSD stuff then here deal with cancer too. What's next?

[eskielover]

Add to level of depression feeling anyway with it being winter, less light & a LOT OF show & cold so it's more difficult to get out if you felt like it. It's important to acknowledge your feelings. Time will be the true telling factor of how everything turns out......& that's the stressful part....I understand those feelings......THE UNKNOWN!!!! that has the word Cancer attached.

Keeping a positive attitude, keeping positive good healthy eating & living can do a lot toward feeling that you are also doing something more positive in caring for yourself.

Glad you are posting your feelings here so that you can express yourself & let the feelings out rather than bottling them up inside.

We are here to support as best as we can over the internet

[Fuzzybear]

[pinkflower17]

I'm so sorry you're going through all this. Everything you're going through sounds very normal, but it's gotta be really hard. You're allowed to feel and cry and do whatever you need to do to get through this. I hope you find the support you need.