Disabilities & Depression...

My therapist told me that I'm depressed because my life sucks, and not because of a chemical imbalance.

I wish I could say he's wrong - but he's not.

I mean, I have several disabilities:
- Spina Bifida (so I use a wheelchair)
- co-occuring Hydrocephalus (so I have a shunt)
on top of learning disabilities and memory problems.

I guess I'm very glad this forum exists now. I find it hard to deal with life - and people's perceptions of me and my disabilit(ies) on top of all the mental handicaps and illnesses to boot!

I guess I'm asking: Am I really the only one, who is depressed because of their disability/disabilities?

i wouldn't say disability is the sole cause of my depression but it certainly fuels it.

i used to be a very athletic guy before i got my leg wrecked, sports was my thing, especially hockey. everyone likes to have something they're good at, and skill in sports was how i made myself feel strong and accepted. i got to lead a team, sports was really my calling.

not being able to do that anymore, losing something i loved and excelled at, really has crashed me down. i was never the smartest guy, the funniest guy, i was the athletic guy- when i lost that, i lost what i was good at. it probably seems silly to most, but losing sports was like losing a part of my identity.

losing mobility (and vision in an eye) has been like losing what freedom i have. i get lots of annoying questions and looks because i'm young and using a wheelchair or crutches, makes it hard to relate to people my age (although there are a few reasons for that). i hate getting asked the "what happened?" question. it's painful to me. just a reminder i lost something i loved doing. it kills me to think when my kids are older, they won't have their dad to play sports with them.

and apologies for length, this was meant to be a short reply

(((((((((Griffe))))))))))))) Sometimes those questions suck! I get that a lot - at least the senior citizens seem happy that someone else can relate to them! (Well, sometimes... otherwise their reactions to my disability leave me a bit embarassed!)

I'm sorry. I don't know what it's like to "lose" something ... since I've always had a disability.

I'm at the point where I spend so much time wondering: does my depression stem from the disability, does my depression exist at the same time as the disability but isn't "caused" by it, or does my depression make my dealing with my disability more difficult?

I guess it doesn't really matter. But I'm sick of being disabled. It isn't always a "walk in the park" (pun intended)

no honey you are not alone. I am very depressed due to my disability. I use to drive a truck as many here know. I fell and tore 3 disks in my lower back. 1 of which has multiple tears in it. I feel less of a person than I was 4 yrs ago. I understand where you are coming from.

(((Christina))) - you are not alone.

I struggle with cognitive and emotional disabilities. Mainly: epilepsy, traumatic brain injury, and major depression.

I wish that I could repair my marriage...but I can't. I wish that I could be a "normal" mommy...but I can't. I wish that I'd wake up back in 1990 and avoid this whole mess ! The pain and major challenges I face are simply unavoidable. I cannot wait for it to end! But, I've also felt like this for 3 years now. Doesn't give me much hope for the rest of my depressing life.

Shez

I think some of my depression comes from me not being able to get out there and just take off walking because of my tendonitis in my knees. I can barely walk through Walmart without my knees hurting so I have to use one of those riding carts and feel ashamed. I get those stares like why should a young thing like you have to use one of those carts. I walk sometimes but pay for it when I do.

I know that fuels my depression when I have to use my crutches when I fall and injure myself bad enough to have to use them. I hate using them and find that my symptoms of my mental illnesses become more pronounced when I am using my crutches.

So I don't know if it is my depression fueling my pain or my pain fueling my depression.

Jan

buggie never feel ashamed of having to use something that helps you hon. anytime I go somewhere that requires walking more than 100 ft I have to use either a store scooter or my wheelchair. I don't care what people might think, at least I am not suffering so bad. if I let it get to me I will be trapped in my house. I refuse to do that. I am too young for that.

In many ways it's easier for me because of my age...I had more years of good physical health/mobility than many people.
My own belief is I have a shade of depression that is different from the depression I struggle with from my abuse.

The stronger emotion I feel is grief...
I was also very athletic; soccer and basketball were favorites.
Soccer was a mixed league with nothing given to any woman on the field...it was hard play and exhilarating and I loved every aspect of it.
I was devastated when I had to give it up.

At times I still weep for the things that were taken from me. It also forced early retirement from my career as a psych nurse. This still hurts me deeply...

But yeah, I get very depressed when I'm in pain, can't pick up and leave whenever I so desire, have to ask for help when I'm used to giving it.
OTOH, I've met incredibly courageous people of all ages. I've also met some incredibly stupid people...
Asking me what happened makes me nearly as angry as when I'm asked if I ever helped one of my wounded die when I was in Nam.
There are some things that should not be asked, and I don't give a flying flip about the chance to "educate" that ignorant person.

I deflect some of the worse attitudes with humor or get-in-their-face.

Thanks for this post, Christina.
It's teaching me about younger people and their difficulties--what isn't presented to the public in general.
Perhaps someone will learn that us seniors have our own heartaches.
BTW, I am so sorry for the reactions of those seniors. Not all of us old broads are cluck-clucks.

Peace and power,
Cap

My doctor told me that I don't have a chemical inbalance either and that I am depressed because life sucks.
Life sucks because I refuse to allow my wheelchair to be a barrier to getting employment. Most all people in Upstate New York feels people that uses wheelchairs Need to stay Home. I think not. Then everyone assumes that I had some car accident. The entire reason I use a wheelchair is because of my abuse. So I am angry with the "outside world."
I try real hard to somehow have a life but thanks to this PC and this new place, I may just get rid of my depression. If only I had someone to talk to about it.ty for reading this and ANY ideas you may have ThaCrew

(((((((((ThaCrew))))))))))) I guess I'm fortunate that the city I live in that there are lots of people with disabilities out and about... but as the capital of Canada - I'd hope so!

Some people would rather that those who were different were kept far away and that makes me sad.

I know I don't understand what it's like to lose something ... especially something like complete mobility which I never have... but it makes me realize that some people have been through far worse than I have or ever will.

But it doesn't make it hurt any less.

I'm wondering if my pdoc has lost his mind when he wants to try an experiment with my antidepressants, and take me off them for part of the summer so I can experience the "real me" and see if I can function.

That actually scares me a lot. It's been easier to function in my life with all of my issues with them. We'll see I guess?

I do admire people who try to understand what its like to have a disability or whatever... but can it really be done? I'm not entirely sure.

Just thinking out loud.

Today, I am upset because I have a bunch of bruises on my knees, ankles and feet and I don't know where they came from. I also can only feel down to my ankles (it gets patchy past my knees though) ... so who even knows how long I've been beating myself up.

not only being depressed but being angry about being disabled and what you can no longer do or what in life is closed off to you now or the circumstances that got you there is to me a natural response to what you are faced with. there is the theory that you go through the same stages when you become ill long term or disabled that you do when someone you love dies. Im still in the angry phase and have been for a long time...

I have been profoundly deaf since birth and grew up in the hearing world. I was taught how to speak without being taught any sign language and I got by through lip-reading. I can lip-read up to a point. I can't lip-read people who talk too fast or won't make the effort to speak more plain for me understand what they're saying. Most people people talk too fast for me, heh.
My left eye has been blind since birth, so for me to function, I have my right eye be my "ears." I'm so thankful that PsychCentral exists. Many professionals don't know how to deal with a deaf person with depression. I started having depression when I was 20 years and in college. I studying to become a scientist, a biologist. I tried to manage living with my depression as best as I could. It changed me and I lost my passion in becoming a biologist. I tried holding down jobs where I kept having physical and energy breakdowns, despite successful management of depression.
I got married and was doing well until I was 33 when I had a stroke that turned my life upside down. I spiralled deeper into depression. None of the meds worked. I tried so many meds. I was offered ECT treatments, but I refused because I already have brain damage and didn't want to add more. I had to fight with my insurance company to get them to cover for my VNS therapy on top of my depression. It took me a year and 3 appeals, but I won. I got my VNS and it's really helping a lot. It's not a cure and it's not perfect. It's a management tool in addition to the meds.
I still battle fatigue and hypersomnia, but my moods are so much better. I'm happy to take this relief. I just pray that it will last.
I don't believe that my disability caused my depression. I was doing OK in college. It just came out of the blue. Sure I went through stuff in my life that were really hard, but I got through them. Sure, my disability can be very frustrating, but I work through them. Who's to say that disability causes depression? Sure it can, if it's a sudden event that took something away from you or you focus on what you don't have. There can be advantages. Like, for example, you can sleep like a log when a trash truck comes rumbling through your neighborhood in the middle of the night. Yep, it happens in my neighborhood in the middle of the night in the summertime, for real. LOL! And everyone else is awakened by the noise they make when they load the trash in the compactor.
Despite my disability, I'm actually grateful for so many things in life. I wish the best for you. I know that life with disabilities can be quite difficult. Life is hard, by itself. We just have it harder, which can make us prone to depression.
Disabilities doesn't always cause depression. They just make us prone to it. Do I make sense? I hope so. I just focus on what I have or can do, not on what I don't have or cannot do.



No, it's not wrong to want to do the things you want to do. Some people keep expectations lowered. That's what the ADA law is for, if you're in the U.S., to help with equality and our rights to accomodations.

First, let me apologize for not reading the entire thread. I read the OP and frankly, I'm very disappointed in your doctor.

Not that it really matters why someone is depressed, but for him to invalidate you that way is what "sucks" imo. (Blushing.) I don't use that word..but really, HE has the wrong attitude...maybe?

If you google "depression CAUSED BY chronic illness" you will find many "scholarly articles" that talk about the chemical changes in one's body by the prolonged state of illness.

I'm sure there are doctors (psychologists) who can share case after case of chronically ill people who despite all their efforts still became depressed.

To hear that some doctors are still differentiating between "real" illness and that "in the mind" (which is how he made it sound, saying it that way) is a real tragedy to me! The mind is in the body, and no one can separate the two...intertwined...what affects one, affects the other.

I'm sorry your life is so hard. I hope you can get through/over any idea you might have that your depression is "just" your poor reaction to what life has thrown you. You depression IS part of what life is for you.

Oh, honey, no you are not the only one!!!
I haven't posted about my disabilities before because I am so self-conscious about them and I hate so much, but if it helps others I guess I will.

I have cerebral palsy and hydrocephalus. I can walk for very short distances with crutches, for longer distances I use a manual wheelchair.
I have a severe startle reflex (which I assume is due to lack of oxygen to the brain at birth)... I was born was born 14 weeks early,
weighed only 1.5 pounds and was only 12 inches long. I was a miracle baby!!!
Although sometimes I wish I would have died!!!

I can also relate to what you wrote. I was told the other day that perhaps the chronic pain I am in contributes to my depression and attitude problem. Perhaps this is true, I have had back pain and my back side numb since October. I use crutches from time to time, and a cane. I am also losing the use of my muscles and can't get up off chairs anymore. I find that I get more and more miserable, since a few years ago I went and got in debt with school, and can't do what I trianed for. I also have problems using my hands.

Hi Sky!! I think his attitude changes for me specifically. He's forced to try to relate to me. Myself? I don't want a diagnosis of "depression" on top of all the other labels that I've got in my medical file. I think in retrospect, it's probably more likely that he said that I was "depressed because my life sucked" because of all of my previous abuse history and dealing with a family that "just doesn't get it" ... in regards to my disability, or even me as a human being. I'd agree that most people would probably find it insulting... he does challenge me a lot on certain topics of how I relate to others (or, rather how they relate to me because my disability *is* obvious) because he wants to learn more about stuff. I'll admit, I've got a negative attitude sometimes about disability. A *big* attitude problem sometimes... not that I'm mean, just not very nice.

Hi Manda!

CP & hydrocephalus huh? I know that hydrocephalus and spina bifida usually go hand-in-hand, so ... I guess, "cool" in knowing that other people deal with the annoying shunt et al as well.

I (used) to be able to walk with quad canes or a walker, but then I moved into residence at university and got lazy. I doubt I can ever get back to the same amount of flexibility and endurance again. Oh well... bad decision on my part!

I'll admit this too - sometimes I'm stuck on the whole thought pattern of "I wish I had never been born" and all that... I guess I see my suffering as a nuisance (and it does make a person depressed!) but I also see how my family poorly deals with it and I feel like a burden. I hate feeling like that!

(Doesn't help much with my depression and anxiety!)

If one has had their disability their whole life how do they know its caused by their disability and not an outside factor such as a genetic predisposition or a chemical imbalance?

I for one would be glad to go to the park with you Christina . Sunshine always makes the day a little less depressing .
Sometimes it looks as though everything is going to overwhelm us but we always manage to find at least one thing to hold on to that lets us drag ourselves back . But I just cant put a name to it
I thought HOPE

Good question...

Ummmmmm... well, I know in my psych classes that an MRI can determine depression because looking at the brain we see where certain neurotransmitters are "lacking" when compared to a 'regular' brain. It also can look at blood flow, and whether certain parts of the brain "light up" when given certain cues ... like if you're looking at pictures, or hearing something or asked to do something - like a math problem.

The genetic predisposition would be determined if when you look at the immediate family of the person there is evidence of (clinical) depression.

It can also be determined to an extent through just a conversation... if a person is frequently relating their depressive episodes to their disability... then it's more likely that the disability is influencing the persons level of depression.

Like me for example... my depression has never "increased" or decreased without a specific reason. It's only ever increased (ie. I got more depressed) after big life events. Like people dying, increased stress, life changes, family issues, or traumatic events ... I always got more depressed for a period of time after those times, but then I'd "level out" and be less depressed for a period of time.

Not to say that living with a disability on a daily basis ISNT depressing, but overall I can usually handle the depression associated with it to a certain extent... unless I'm dealing with other life issues.

My family history doesn't have evidence of mental health issues either.

There have been studies done that say that people with disabilities/chronic conditions are more depressed than other people in the general population... but the exact statistics vary on the study. But it's always shown a positive correlation... more people are depressed and are dealing with a disability/chronic condition *compared* to those people who have a disability and no depression *or* are either 'just' depressed *or* aren't depressed or dealing with a disability/chronic condition.



Ack! Sorry, I sound like a textbook. I guess I actually paid attention in my psych classes sometimes. I'm just a rookie undergrad student though so take what I say with a grain of salt mostly.

That's interesting Christina. Very interesting....

I get depressed sometimes too and i have a physical disability =). I was born without a jaw. And I have a tracheostomy and a g-tube.

I am prone to being more affected by stress than most and I had a major depressive episode a few months ago after a friend died.

So perhaps my depresssion is similar to yours?

"Every man thinks his cross is the heaviest." It certainly takes a lot of courage to face the problems that you are dealing with, and I admire you for pushing through. Remember that what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. Brace yourself because we all have a long way to go. The predicaments that we are facing are tough to conquer, but it's not impossible. Keep smiling Christina!

just found this thread............
tnasks to all of you for your courageuos psots.........
beads aslo recetnly been telled by T tah hre physical disablities
(ms adn fibro, traumatic closed haed injury) to naem a few
aer contributign to her depressoin.......
adn manda...........beads also miralce baby......was not suppoesd to live
adn quiet offen we wishes we didtn too btu we will never giev up
soemthign insied jstu wotn let us
yse we get soooooooooo down in teh dupms sometiem liek we is now
becuase lief just keep hadning us lemosn adn we is gettign sikc of
lemonaed mabye today we'll tyr soemthign differetn atfer readign so
many ohter couraguoes storeis.......
maek pikn lemonaed

husg to all woh watn/need tehm
beads