[Poohbear13]

"their the ones that watch over us" WHERE WAS MY MOTHER TO WATCH OVER ME WHEN I WAS BEING ABUSED-----she was part of the abuse and blames me for the abuse.

I cut off contact with her about 1 1/2 years ago and am still angry as hell at her. I am even more upset that she will never be the mom that I needed or need now.

My T asked me if there is anyone that can be put in her place and I don't even have anyone that I can do that with.

I want a mother to take care of me, to listen to me, to protect me, but not my mother!!!!

okay rant over. Thanks for listening!

[ali and friends]

We know how you feel. We cut our parents off last October. It is so much better without them. They were both so bad to us. My stupid sister had her little child call me and try to trick me into coming over and make me feel guilty. Why should I? She is not my mother just the body that bore me.

[sw628]

((Poohbear))
I completely understand. I'm having to deal with a ton of "mom" stuff in therapy, so Mother's Day has been especially somber for me. I'm blessed because my mother is still alive, however we have no real relationship. She gave me up when I was 8 years old, and before that I suffered through a lot of abuse. I have PTSD. I don't have anyone to put in her place either except my T.Yet we both know she can never fill that void. I don't think my longing for a motherly relationship will ever subside. Don't worry, your'e not alone, i'm here with you.

i understand too well for words. Even though it's my day too, it (and all holidays) is pretty much ruined. Sigh.

[wanttoheal]

I'm so sorry this is a hard day for you (((((((((((Poohbear13))))))))))))

Thankfully I don't think of parents at all in times like this, although they do get called, I think, so some part of my brain deals with them. I am thankful to have two wonderful children who make my mother's day amazing. For some reason I can't connect her with this day so it doesn't seem to hurt. I'm so sorry you are hurting. Is there anyone with whom you can share the time and focus on that?

((((((((pooh)))))))))
i hear your pain.
i felt like you for many years. i still have no relationship with the mother other than a biological attachment.
something i have come to understand tho, is that she was also abused.
she was a very angry, hurt and damaged child and grew to be a very angry adult who had no clue how to be a mother.
she is a woman who was mentally ill and had no therapist or medication to help her only the words and "help" of a depressed and abused mother (my grandma).
i can accept that now. NOT that what she did was excusable---abuse never is----but i can understand where she was coming from--the adult me can.

that has helped me to put things in perspective. she is old now. sick and frail as is the father. and as i continue my journey of healing, i realize that i broke that cycle for my own sons. and i find i have more pity for mother than anger. pity that she has lost out on the wonderful relationships she could have had with her children--what she has is 3 children who have little contact with her (that includes me), 2 children that are enmeshed and one that has a "fantasy" view of how wonderful her childhood was. And mother lives also in that same world believing that we as a family, lived the "Waltons" life. Poor but so happy.

i will never have the mother i crave---and insiders crave----so i struggle with finding that nurturing inside. perhaps in time that will come.

sorry so long-----

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((( pooh )))))))))))))

I would write a supportive post or try to, however no words are allowed.

[JudeeB]

I spent decades dreading days like Mother's Day and Father's Day. Even when I became a mom myself the clouds of the past darkened the day. Through many years of therapy and lots of work in my 12 step programs, I became willing to forgive and then God walked me through the very long process of forgiving them both. Forgiveness didn't mean reconciliation though. I didn't have relationship with them after that but the painful memories became my 'history' not my torment, anguish or pain.

It came for me before much integration occurred and there were alters who still held a lot of anger but they worked it out before most of them chose integration. Had a great therapist and truly believed in God and the power of prayer.

Now I am free to enjoy the day with my children when they can be with me and I'm OK when they can't. The bitterness, anger and hurt are gone. I wish that in the future for everyone who still is in that painful, tormented place.

[Junerain]

I hate mother's day too, for the 1st time, I gave my Mom nothing and did not call, I hear she's upset about it too.....she should have thought of that when she was abusing me, *****.

[multipixie9]

Sometimes I still long for a mother. I never miss the woman who gave birth to me. She was a biological unit, not a parent. Her abuse was extreme. Forgiveness made me able to stop obsessing over the horrors she put me through and I finally realized that she too was put through the ritual abuse. Understanding doesn't erase the wrongs she did over and over.

My one goal as an adult with children was to make sure I did not do to them what was done to me. They will not spend all their adult years trying to get past me and I will do all I can to help them if the past does rise up to trip them up. I just recently discovered that I had spent 29 years of marriage allowing my husband to control me and our children so that people would "approve" of him or "admire" him. I allowed him to put them on guilt trips and perfectionism ploys and it makes me feel sick, but I can and have apologised to them for not protecting them better. I love my daughters and I am so grateful for their presence in this world. They are healthier than I was, by far, at the same age and I hope they will bring some grandchildren into the world and continue the upward trend I seek to bring into my own life. I hope they can rise higher than me.

I hope you can find a way to resolve your past so it doesn't rob your future.

Leslie and pixies