last child getting married

we are so sad. sarah is getting married. we are happy for her, although the whole marriage thing is crazy-making for us as a multiple. all the things people do to get married these days is a bit much for us. social experiences tend to scare the heck out of us. our life's ambition used to be to become a hermit!

when the whirl of activity is over and she is married and gone on her honeymoon we will go home and the house will be oh so quiet and still. phil will plunge back into his ceaseless round of activity which is his way of avoiding having a life and we will be here alone and trying to find a way to live now that we are not needed very much any more.

our daughters do love us and we love them, they were the ONE thing we knew for sure we still wanted to do in life after the trainwreck of childhood. we have never been good at looking ahead and planning. our specialty was turning on a dime to survive and we were even better at keeping secrets even if it killed us. but we will be 56 when she gets married and we finally see there is a stretch of empty road in front of us, our heart aches and we do not know what we will be and do to fill the vast silence and empty space in our life from here on until death.

lost in space

one of the funny-weird things of being did is that i can write something that makes me feel so sad and a little voice inside will make a joke out of it. we try to explain midlife loneliness and how lost we feel and some joker signs it "lost in space" like this dorky sci/fi show we did not watch in the 60's. we can't seem to keep the same mood for more than 30 minutes these days. damn.

misplaced in space!

Oh, Multipixie

If you only knew how much we all appreciate this post. We relate with empathy, love and much, much hope for all of U's.

We were terrified of that empty stretch too and it, at times, was that empty. Even our little old doggie was could hardly meet the lonliness factor.

We understand that our children must grow and move on and that they do is a testimony of your good parenting in this case. You both must be so proud of your daughters.

We don't think we understood the pure joy of the outcome of the relationship of our daughter till a few years ago we were presented with a grandaughter. First time in 70 years three generations of women in this family suvived to live together on this planet at the same time! We saw 'new hope'. But if anyone had tried to tell us then, well, let's just say my thoughts aren't printable.

We are sorry but we chuckled when you mentioned the comment 'lost in space' from within. We can relate and we feel so at home, as if we get it, Multi. We count ourselves very happy to know you.

We look forward to hearing of the celebrations when you are feeling more like hibernating.


H.

(((Multipixie)))

as a mom also I can relate so much. We're supposed to be thrilled for uor kids but the emptiness inside us is overwhelming. I've been told our "job" as moms is to raise the kids to the best of our ability and then let them go. HOW? I don't want to let them go. They are my reason.
I know it sounds selfish of me but it is so painful. To be without my "reason" is like being denied air to breath.
Just know I understand and am sitting with you.

Hi Pixies....

We're not a momma...yet!! (Hopefully someday) So we're not where you are in life, but I just wanted to say that I understand loneliness and that empty road perception. I am having similar feelings now about my life!!

I am happy for your daughter and your family, but at the same time, I can sense how bittersweet this moment is for you.

Have you thought about doing some volunteering somewhere, or maybe doing some childcare out of your home. Children can bring lots of smiles and warmth to a home.

I also know about being a hermit. We're 32 now, and when we were 6 years old, we had to do a little drawing and write a note about what we wanted to be when we grew up. I drew a cave with a little me inside and said that we wanted to be a cave lady! Everyone else said they wanted to be rock stars or astronauts, or doctors. It's funny...I guess I pretty much am a cave lady these days!! Way to be successful!!

Anyway, we're here for you and we sent good vibes to you for the road ahead!!

Take care,
The Troops!!

oh leslie...we r so sorry ta hear ur fears of bein alone...thats such a scary place ta b...we r 54, an din have myriam til we wuz 40...so we have a time yet with her...but time goes so fast an we r fraid that we wont b needed when she is 18 an then where will we go? we r so afraid of bein alone an so we can empathize with u about it...we dont know whats ahead but we just look one day at a time cuz worryin bout it is just too much for us ta deal with now...an sometimes worryin bout just one day is too much at a time too...so we r takin things moment by moment now...maybe we can sit with u an just b there for u so u can know somebody is there with u...if thats ok that is...b safe...know that you will ALWAYS be needed as a mother...even when ur kids r married...that will never change...an when they start havin a family then u will b needed too cuz they will want u ta babysit ur grandkids an then u can give em back when it gets ta b too much...just know we r here in case u want somebody ta sit with u...

abbi

(((hunny))) (((Calista+12))) (((elysium))) (((abbi))) BIG THANKS AND A HUG!

we appreciate your sympathy, empathy and humor. my youngest daughter turned 19 in 2006 and got married the next day! ARGH. they have done fine together but i had "thought" i would have her at home another year at least and for these last 3 years i have let the quiet collect around me and quit trying to frantically push myself to heal - which is the best thing i've done for me in a while.

doing it though i finally had to stop and look at all i'd been distracting myself from. i caught a lot of grief from the workaholic spouse who can not imagine that sitting still can produce anything good. so, it has gotten to be really challenging. however, it has also finally broken down much denial and enabled me to stop blocking my feelings.

so, it feels so bad and it is sooo good for me. and being me, sometimes it just p**** me off real big!

my daughters and my relationship with God have kept me from self-destruction in painfully hard times and i am so grateful for both. i have been so grateful to find my girls turning into good women whom i can honestly like and admire. i was so happy we got through the teen angst and rebellion so quickly and have genuine affection and respect among us. my daughters both believe that i am DID (my spouse does not) and their belief in me has been an anchor and a hope. people overlooked my abuse and misery in my childhood and my spouse's indifference is hard to take. so i appreciate my wild babies soo much.

my oldest is getting some therapy help and that is so cool, she will not make lots of painful mistakes and then spend the rest of her time recovering. i pray my youngest will too. my great big goal for my daughters is that they would not hurt like i did and that they would not need to "recover" from being born to me. they are doing well, they have their problems and all, but they are okie dokie!

thanks for listening to me and being so kind and encouraging. motherhood is the only thing besides being a "Jesus Freak" that i've ever felt i did wholeheartedly. letting go of my babies and stepping back is really hard. i tell my daughter's husband and the other's husband-to-be that i will love them as much as my own daughters but if they ever mistreat my girls they better FEAR THE WRATH OF THE MOMMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! then i look them straight in the eyes and let them know i am NOT kidding. GRRRRR. ok, maternal rant over now.

thanks for being here!

Deborah (leslie's lioness)