Sometimes I wonder if these forums are real and the people on them are real. Or is it just a research tool for some mad scientist? People here have been kind to me but I still sometimes wonder how real it all is.
What if it's all a fake and somebody is using all our info? It realy scares me.

[wanttoheal]

It's a good rule of thumb to not post anything on here that can identify you if you do not want to be identified. These forums are open to the public and one does not need to be a member to read.

That said, I think there are a lot of nice, supportive people here.

Sometimes it is hard to remember that the people here are actually people at a computer somewhere.

I can assure you that I am a real, 17 year old sitting and typing away in her room at a time when she should have gone to bed...and not a creepy mad scientist.

i've wondered the same, though not really about any of us. It IS wise to remember the searchability of conversations. Personally, i don't care though i don't overtly name names. i don't choose to use my real name but if someone figured it out it wouldn't break my heart.

i understand the (is it derealization?) part that questions how possible it is to have good honest people around you. When you (i/we) couldn't trust the people we were supposed to be able, how can you trust others? i've run into bad people (not here) out in cyber space and all i can say is trust your gut instincts. i was able to pick him out and call him out on his confusion tactics. i think we have become so hypervigilent (and not necessarily in a bad way) that we pick up on insincerity very quickly. i do at any rate. It's understandable to question whether a reaction is instinct or insecurity created by our abuse histories. Respect both.

You deserve to be cared for. It must be hard to accept when there are people out here that do care for you when you couldn't count on the ones you should have been able to count on. Self care is deserved and important. Take it slow. You have a lot on your plate we know. Just be.

Yes Calista+12, I too have wondered at times. I do believe it's a natural reaction because of our past.

For the most part, those you meet here are all very sincere and very caring. You will on occassion get a few who are not so honest and like to play games. Some even "take on" a diagnosis just for the attention, or will deliberatly stir stuff up and sit back and laugh.

Trust your gut.

[Miri]

Me, too, but I'm taking my chances. I think that most of us are who we say we are. JUst people seeking connections with others who share their concerns and struggles.

[Eriksplus]

I agree.
I use MY real name, not my host's, as well.
Erik

[kameo1991]

I've thought about certain stuff to like does the owner of this site have all of our personal information, and even with the sanity score test.. if we choose not to share the results on the forums, can they still know what our individual scores are? On the quizzes.. if we save the results, who just might be able to view that info without us knowing? When I'm typing something in a post... I actually wonder if someone is watching my keystrokes. But I'm just slightly known to be paranoid.


...mad scientist? Oomph!

So I'd really like to think most people on here are real..

I'm ok with the forum except if the mother, sister or any other family members happen to be here and figure out it is me---
or if someone knows it's me and tells----
a bit paranoid about that 'cuz it happened in RL when we were in high school---the mother had spies----

Please note the trigger warning

i occasionally have the thought that there is some experiment going on regarding my experiences and there's someone out there documenting it's effects. "Ritual abuse syndrome: cause and effect" It's freaky. i don't "go there" often. i tend to think anything's possible but also wonder if this isn't a way of "cleaning up" the truth for our own benefit. Not that being an unwilling participant in such a thing is ok in any way...but maybe it's somehow more palatable than believing our own families were capable of committing e*** acts and inflicting so much physical and psychological pain. i do tend to believe there must be a mighty big underground of people who perpetrate the things at least some of us have endured. i'm sorry but i lose track of whom. ARGH! Sorry sorry.

As for the wrong people recognizing me (or others here with such concerns), that's scary sometimes too. i understand. i can have rational and irrational fears regarding that sometimes. White Iris , especially when you've had a track down experience, it seems caution is good. i have not. One of my r.a. perpetrators, my adoptive brother, (if i'm not some other kind of crazy and it didn't really happen) lives 20 minutes away from me and i told him i was remembering 17 years ago. i still get terrified sometimes but most of the time i think...if he/they wanted to get me they could have gotten me at any time. i also went to the church, alone like an idiot , and when asked by the pastor who my brother was answered obediently (programming?). Still no one came after me.

So is that fear based on empty threats or risk for you now and what do you fear would happen if they did figure out it was you? Because i'm thinking the best way to strategize for personal safety is to really look at the risk and consequences. It scares me they did that to you. i just wonder if circumstances of power and protection have changed to make things different now or, if they haven't, how to help you be safe.

oh oh
mebbe we maade peepel sceered

sory we kinda stuupid somtines

Most important: You didn't do anything bad or wrong AT ALL. i thank you!

No Calista you didn't. Those things are with me anyway and i think it's ok to let them out. You helped me let them out. i'm sorry if that made you feel bad or responsible cuz you're not either. The bad people made me think these things. They did bad things and cuz i didn't know how to live with what they did i got all mixed up about them. You didn't do that. i think it helps when i make those connections. i just wish i could remember them and integrate my realizations so i don't have to relearn them all the time. That's what happens. i go aha! and then it's gone. i do write down aha's sometimes but then i forget i wrote them down or where and cuz there are so many (inches of dreams and memories on paper) i forget what goes where. That's what i mean by my puzzle pieces when i say that. Anyway, sorry i'm going on and on.

Most important: You didn't do anything bad or wrong AT ALL. i thank you!

[multipixie9]

calista+12, (YOU ARE NOT STUPID AND NEVER WERE!!!!!!!!)

i am not paranoid like i used to be. the more healing God and therapy have given me the less fearful i am. i just used to be completely hypervigilant - years before i ever saw that word and realized that it described what i lived with. i could write paragraphs and pages of all the fear i felt and all the coping things i did to "stay safe". it was hard to live that way, i hid more than i lived. i still have some limits due to fear but it gets better with help and time and working on things. i am so glad i don't live like that any more.

i have made some bad choices sometimes and some mistakes other times, but i am not stupid either. i am a person who dissociated under great stress and suffering and i am working my way toward greater health and peace. i need to be less hard on myself and i think you probably do need to be more gentle to yourself also.

the ones who abused me did all they could to get me afraid and keep me that way. they were mean and rotten in their behavior and ideas. dirty ratfink behavior. grrr.

leslie and pixies