weird reaction. what is it?

biiv · Jun 05, 2009, 06:55 AM

im not sure where to put this so i hope here is ok.

was at T week before last and had a major panic attack. when i got home i came on here into chat and couldnt seem to get a grip on myself. it was like there was a void in my head and the odd phrase was scrolling into it. i couldnt think and when someone asked me a question i would go completely blank unless it was something that had a very straightforward answer. yes or no. it was like i was 5 years old or something. couldnt think, couldnt reason, couldnt express. all i could do was answer sort of instinctively. and any bad feelings threatening to come up... total blank again. somewhere in the back of my head it was like i was watching myself going wtf?? but i couldnt do anything about it. then i got so exhausted tired i literally couldnt keep my eyes open so i lay down on the floor (couldnt move any further) and sort of zoned out for a bit. when i 'woke up' a while later i realised id been lying on a plate and not even noticed. i felt more or less back to myself though.

does it sound a bit like a dissociative thing? its hard to tell from inside my own brain so some objective feedback would be welcome. some of you here stayed in chat with me and thank you for that. i dont know what would have happened otherwise. maybe i should be posting this in the dissociative forum but i dont know... please any comments or thoughts greatly appreciated.

thanks

biiv

Monty_girl · Jun 05, 2009, 09:37 AM

I've had a similar experience. It happened at my old T's office. Just got so so tried, just like I was watching everything but was so tired I couldn't respond. I actually ended up laying on the floor and the T was slapping the floor beside me and clapping hands. I wanted to say something, like I'm here, I hear you. But I just couldn't physically do anything but lay there.
I'm like you I'm not really sure if this was a dissociative state or just being so emotionally drained from the therapy session. I was there and knew what was happening around me, but so drained of any physical energy to respond. And trying to put a sentence together was just too much to do at the time. Kind of like your brain and body have to reboot. Shuts down and then takes awhile to come back up to full power.
I don't have an answer to what this exactly is. But I do understand what your talking about. I still get really tired after T, that I'll go in lay in my car and rest for 30 mins or so till I'm able to drive.
Do you think that this was maybe some form of co-consciousness? Since you felt like you were 5.

Elysium · Jun 05, 2009, 03:53 PM

Hi Biiv...

It's possible there could have been some dissociative experience in there. It definitely sounds like there was some numbing going on when you were thinking about the painful stuff.

When you say that you felt 5 yrs old, do you mean you literally felt emotionally like a 5 yr old, you felt small and vulnerable, or where you just making a reference to not being able to think clearly and put your thoughts and words together?

I get tired too after an intense therapy session. Sometimes, I'm not aware of how intense a session was until I get home and have a moment to just sit and be still. Then all of the sudden it just kind of hits me.

It does sound like your body had a physiologic response to your session with becoming tired and weak and emotionally you just needed to go away for a bit, thus you laid down and drifted off. Do you think you were actually sleeping, or were you awake, but just not there?

I'm glad you posted. Hang in there. I'm here for you!!

biiv · Jun 05, 2009, 04:24 PM

Hi monty,

thanks for replying to this. you were there and that meant so so much to me so thank you again for that. maybe you re right it could have just been sheer emotional exhaustion... that doesnt sound quite right though... i was there and was aware of what was happening around me but at the same time the inside of my head felt totally disorientated and disconnected. like someone pulled the plug. i was in chat and didnt feel like i should talk which was fine with me because i didnt have anything in my head to say anyway but then i got so petrified of being left alone that i managed to say what i did. after that the conversation we had was like it was coming from somewhere else. from that tiny part of me. im always aware of what im thinking before i say something. of context, effect, appropriateness, what was said before, what might be said after. i wasnt aware of any of that. it was like what i was typing was coming from somewhere that by-passed my brain and just came straight out in the chat. ive been really tired after T before and just about managed to drag myself home and lie down. sometimes straight on the floor when i come in the door cos i cant make it to the bed. but maybe this was just an even deeper tiredness? i dunno.

i dont know about co-consciousness... i dont know at all... did i just sound tired to you if you dont mind my asking? dont bother answering if you dont want to. im really just thinking out loud here. thanks for giving me some thoughts where i can start from.

if ok.

biiv · Jun 05, 2009, 04:36 PM

hi Elysium,

thanks to you too for replying. yep was definately numb alright. and now that you mention that even my body felt a bit numb. my face felt sort of frozen and tingly too.

i do mean literally i felt emotionally like a 5 year old. tiny, terrfied, unsure of my surroundings, of myself, hugely hugely vulnerable, suddenly all giddy though still a bit wary when talking about stupid baby ducks. lol. also not able to think at all really or put many words together.

when i lay down though i definately wasnt asleep because i was aware of breathing. though not much beyond that. breathing and cold. the rest was blank. i sometimes think of that as like a dog sleeping with one eye open. im totally asleep except that one eye. not literally but that bit of awareness is still 'turned on'.

this makes me very uncomfortable.

thank you for the questions and thoughts. i dont mean to over-dramatise but i really would like to be able to understand this is all. understanding things always makes me feel better about them eventually.

thanks again Elysium

Elysium · Jun 05, 2009, 09:55 PM

No worries Biiv...

After what you have described, it does sound dissociative to me. I'm not sure if you have any specific diagnoses, but people with major depression, PTSD, as well as a couple other disorders can experience dissociative symptoms from time to time when things get to be a bit to much. It's a coping mechanism...kind of like a safety switch in the mind.

I would talk with your T about it, if you have one. And keep posting here as you're comfortable. We'll be here!!

Hunny · Jun 05, 2009, 10:28 PM

Bilv,

We really like the idea of talking to your T about this experience too. You are asking some really good questions. You really have clearly described the events and might want to copy your comments for your T.

We hope you get some good answers.

Thinking of you.

H.

amandalouise · Jun 06, 2009, 05:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by biiv

im not sure where to put this so i hope here is ok.

was at T week before last and had a major panic attack. when i got home i came on here into chat and couldnt seem to get a grip on myself. it was like there was a void in my head and the odd phrase was scrolling into it. i couldnt think and when someone asked me a question i would go completely blank unless it was something that had a very straightforward answer. yes or no. it was like i was 5 years old or something. couldnt think, couldnt reason, couldnt express. all i could do was answer sort of instinctively. and any bad feelings threatening to come up... total blank again. somewhere in the back of my head it was like i was watching myself going wtf?? but i couldnt do anything about it. then i got so exhausted tired i literally couldnt keep my eyes open so i lay down on the floor (couldnt move any further) and sort of zoned out for a bit. when i 'woke up' a while later i realised id been lying on a plate and not even noticed. i felt more or less back to myself though.

does it sound a bit like a dissociative thing? its hard to tell from inside my own brain so some objective feedback would be welcome. some of you here stayed in chat with me and thank you for that. i dont know what would have happened otherwise. maybe i should be posting this in the dissociative forum but i dont know... please any comments or thoughts greatly appreciated.

thanks

biiv

Ive had this happen to me but my physician and therapist told me it was simular to sleep depravation where my therapy session was so exhausting and so emotionally charged that my body needed sleep and my brains thinking process went to minimal funtioning. once I got some sleep I was fine. I had gone through this many times before like when I dont get much sleep during finals week. I have to literally set an alarm clock during finals week so that I get the right amount of sleep that I need and I dont go into anxiety overload over the upcoming exams that way I wont just literally pass out from anxiety, stress and lack of sleep. My therapist and I now that we know I have this problem we make sure that we schedule our sessions in such a way that I have plenty of time to "come down" from the session before leaving her office if it is an emotionally charged session and we also schedule times when we just have slow low on the emotions sessions in between the emotionally charged ones. with these precautions in place this depravation thing doesnt happen so often anymore.

biiv · Jun 06, 2009, 11:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elysium3006

No worries Biiv...

After what you have described, it does sound dissociative to me. I'm not sure if you have any specific diagnoses, but people with major depression, PTSD, as well as a couple other disorders can experience dissociative symptoms from time to time when things get to be a bit to much. It's a coping mechanism...kind of like a safety switch in the mind.

I would talk with your T about it, if you have one. And keep posting here as you're comfortable. We'll be here!!

Thank you again. no particular diagnosis for a variety of reasons except i guess anxiety which has lead to depression before as reactive to the anxiety. im not sure at all about talking to my T about it. i tried a little last week but it got sort of glossed over. i ll think about it though.
thanks so much.

biiv · Jun 06, 2009, 11:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hunny

Bilv,

We really like the idea of talking to your T about this experience too. You are asking some really good questions. You really have clearly described the events and might want to copy your comments for your T.

We hope you get some good answers.

Thinking of you.

H.

thank you hunny. i hope i didnt upset you that day when you were leaving.

if i did im really sorry.

i think i have a lot to talk to T about at the moment so im not sure i ll bring this up but i will think about it.

appreciate the reply.

biiv · Jun 06, 2009, 11:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by amandalouise

Ive had this happen to me but my physician and therapist told me it was simular to sleep depravation where my therapy session was so exhausting and so emotionally charged that my body needed sleep and my brains thinking process went to minimal funtioning. once I got some sleep I was fine. I had gone through this many times before like when I dont get much sleep during finals week. I have to literally set an alarm clock during finals week so that I get the right amount of sleep that I need and I dont go into anxiety overload over the upcoming exams that way I wont just literally pass out from anxiety, stress and lack of sleep. My therapist and I now that we know I have this problem we make sure that we schedule our sessions in such a way that I have plenty of time to "come down" from the session before leaving her office if it is an emotionally charged session and we also schedule times when we just have slow low on the emotions sessions in between the emotionally charged ones. with these precautions in place this depravation thing doesnt happen so often anymore.

maybe it is just being really exhausted. confusing confusing confusing! lack of sleep does strange things to my brain too but ive been working for the last couple of weeks at getting into a regular sleep schedule on T's advice and while its not making things go away at all it is better than it would be without sleep.

sounds like you have a really good working relationship with your T. i might have to at least bring up the idea of a winding down period before leaving if i keep getting so upset by the topics alright. thanks for your thoughts and sharing your experience. its much appreciated