DID - a senseless rant

So Thursday I talked to my counselor about DID. I didn't know if she had heard about it before or not. She's read about it but has never met anyone who fits the criteria for DID and has been in her field since 1972. She thinks I DO have an identity issue but she doesn't think it's DID since I conscientiously create alts. She says it's actually very rare to get a dx for DID because it's just not out there as much as many other disorders. I've met a lot here who either have the dx or they have most of the traits and working on getting dx'd. She said either way if I have DID or self-created alts they do serve the same purpose at helping one deal with anxiety. She asks when I use my alts and thinks that I'm too aware for it to be DID. She called my imagination overactive and thinks I should write a book to put it to good use. Is anyone else struggling with this?

Not senseless at all! I'd say this is pretty important and certainly worth talking about! Just like with a physical issue, you might consider seeking a second opinion. Dissociation is not a conscious process. However, I am not suggesting that since you appear to create your ALTS consciously, that it cannot be DID. Are you sure that your process is entirely conscious? DID is not rare even if it is less common than many other disorders. It has been estimated to occur in 1% of the population and that's a low estimate since nt everyone with DID will have been diagnosed. When you think about it, it adds up to a significant number of people.
Good luck in your search for truth. Whatever, you are always welcome here.

(((((Fox)))))

I agree with Miri. But what is important to remember is that issues are issues no matter what the label is.

hi fox

what ever youve got or not you could know you always got lots of friends here who care about you

from lenny lee

I agree with everyone so far!! Whatever it is labeled, these are the issues at hand.

This being said....get a second opinion!! Dissociation is NOT a conscious process, like said before, and as my T says, DID and DDNOS are on a continuum and it is different for everyone....and nobody's textbook. It could just be that you are very co-conscious.

Not meaning to say your T doesn't know what she's talking about, but if she hasn't done much work with dissociative disorders, then she hasn't done much work with dissociative disorders and maybe you should seek out someone who has. Unless you are comfortable with things the way they are, then just keep doing what your doing.

I disagree with what your T supposedly said about there not being many with DID dx. There are plenty...some who have been mis-diagnosed, some who are not seeking a diagnosis or treatment, and some that haven't gotten to the point where they are comfortable coming out of hiding.

Regardless of whether you have DID, DDNOS, none of the above, or Dandruff, something's going on and we will be here for you.

Thanks everyone. I dunno if I'm conscious or co-conscious. . . I've conscientiously killed one of my alts online because it was getting too serious with someone online. I feel so bad for it. I miss him so much. If I conscientiously created my alts I should be able to imagine that he never died couldn't I?

Perhaps your T can get you in touch with someone who can do testing to find out what's going on for you?

What do you mean here? That sounds kind of scary to me. T said that parts cannot be killed because the body would die as well. But maybe what you experience is different. For me, T said that as I heal, some parts of myself may blend into myself. Nothing lost, only gained.

Please take gentle care.

Alts can't die, but if you scare them really bad then they'll hide until they feel safe again...which could be a very long time. Or they can integrate and blend into you, but never die.

Fox,
We're glad you found an answer!
(Webber)Erik

I've been interviewed by her supervisor who's a psychiatrist. He never gave me a diagnosis except dythmia which my old T had thought I had first anyways.

Well see, there was this alt I had that I used online. I dunno if he was actually me or not. I got scared because I attracted a stalker type guy who kept insisting on his aspirations for us. All I wanted was a friend and I enjoyed the attention he doted on me. I didn't know anyway else out of the relationship since I wanted to be his friend. So I dunno I made a big old tanglement of lies and I dunno. I feel so bad and guilty and hurt. I made a lot of people really sad. I want to tell them the truth but I'm so scared to. What I did was wrong. And now I can't get him back because he's dead.

Do you mean by alt, that it was a screen name that you used and then decided to not use, or that you told him you were someone and then told him that person died? I'm sorry for still being confused, but I'm trying to understand. It must have been very scary to have an online stalker for sure. Were you able to report him?

Glad you're here. Please take gentle care.

I told him that I was someone else from the time we met. Outside of PC I let my imagination go and the alt was one of the products. Which is why my T doesn't think I have DID since I have a lot of control over when I let them come to the surface. When things got too serious I told the guy and all my friends that I died. Of course I used another persona to do that. I didn't see it as lying at the time. I dunno. I just want my friend (the dead guy) back. I miss him.

Oh hmm, yea, protection. It's why I try to only be wanttoheal with no other names. I really understand that. I need that protection to feel safe as well.

It was wise of you not to give him your real name. I'm sorry you felt so scared that you felt you had to tell him that the nickname had died instead of just not talking to him anymore. It must have been hard. The nice thing about nicknames though is that you can use it again, especially if you go to different forums now.

Online is kind of a scary thing for me sometimes. Putting our words out there. Everyone can see them, even people who aren't members. I think it's wise to keep safe. Kudos to you for striving for that as well.

hey fox - i'm not sure if this is the exact same thing, but you might want to read more about a thing called "soulbonds". i might be totally off, but what i gather from your writings it sounds similar. please tell me if it's completely wrong. it's been said to happen to writers, who create the characters in their stories and bond with them so that they start to live in their minds even when they are not writing.

other than that, i deal with this too. i'm not co-conscious (much, just with a few alters, and there are a lot of us) or really anything else, i know about my alters because they write to me. and the people who are currently treating me deny DID for the same reason as you stated in your original post - because it's so rare and they've never seen one.

meh. :P


twilight

thanks twilight I'm going to look into soulbonds. I never heard of it before but it sounds like it just might fit the bill.

Thank you wanttoheal for your kindness and understanding. It means a lot to me that I'm finding people that listen and care.

Caring people is what this site is all about, dear friend!
(Webber)Erik