not doing great, either

triggery, switchy, having a lot of unwanted negative thoughts of fear and monsters, death and attacks.

skin hurting, mind hurting, throat hurting, urges to si are strong. and yet, it is the kind of pain that goes deeper than even what si seems to "help" with - you know? like it is stuck here in the body with us.

scared - tks for keeping us in your thoughts

((((((((((((((((((((((((Kiyacat))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

your always in my thoughts, here for all of you, sitting with you,

wish we could make the pain better for dear friends, keep bedinct clsoe and give him lots of hugs, and we will give Kenya hugs too and send her protective cheetahness to you all.

Lots and Lots and Lots of LOve
Sparrow and others..

Kiay
Sending you lots of , , and
(Webber)Christine

(((((((((((((Kiya))))))))))))) I so understand that statement. It's so hard when the pain is so deep that it's untouchable yet so huge that it encompasses my whole being. Especially when I don't know where it came from or what it involves.

I'm so sorry that you are feeling this way. Sometimes if I can get my brain to completely focus on one thing, it helps some, for at least a small period of time. For me, it has to be very elementary such as scribbling in one small area on a paper or taking a marble and examining each and every part of it, something small and something that is not complicated. Sometimes I just have to hold on until it passes.

If you just have to hold on, we are here to hang on with you. Please take gentle care.

(((((Kiya)))))
We you!

((((((Silver))))))
thank you sweet sister - that brought a smile to me - "cheetahness"

((((((Eriksplus, Manda))))))

((((((Wantto)))))))
yes - exactly
I liked the advice of focusing on simple things.... i ended up making more art cards - which simply triggered me deeper *sigh*
thank you - i did get sleep amazingly. but today i am still in limbo - feeling the pull of si and the dizziness of diss-ing out. I should like to spend the day in bed, but I have work for the next 2 days, so i need to prepare food in advance and am supposed to be going out with the gals soon *looks longingly at bed...*
(((((((((((more hugs to all - ty for further keeping me in your thoughts)))))) and may i be available to support you all soon as well.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((Kiya))))))))))))))))))))) I hope work is going well for you. I know the longful look at bed. I am so glad you resisted it. Know I am here and I care.

BB

thanks bb,
I did get out with one gal from my suvivors group and we chatted for near 5 hours! we both really needed the interaction and safety.

I notice I (we?) still keep seeing monster eyes in things - everyday ordinary things. I keep talking us thru, breathing, and looking away.

Having body panic attacks, where areas long numb suddenly have waaaaaaaaaaaay too much sensation and any little thing is HORRIBLE! You know? I had to drive the whole way holding the seat belt away from me - even my own clothes were too much, but what was there to do? It was a Grande coffee day (yesterday)

((((((((((Kiya))))))))))))))

Glad you at least got some sleep, loads of hugs

....~....~.....~....~...~....~....~sinking again~...~....~....~...~....~....~...~...~...

ever so quickly it would seem

((((((((((((( Kiya ))))))))))))))))

Kiya,

This is an at a distance From the mind to the mind only. No touching

Hunny

PS Did the registration for uni finally get sent through.

(((Kiya)))

((((Kiya))))

I hear you and I understand. I understand when the pain is so deep and strong that not even a moments relief is there. I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I hope you are doing better. Know we are always here for you.

Right now, I am in the midst of something and feel lost somewhere. But even in that, I do care and send you all the strength I can possible send you right now. I do send you many gentle hugs and loving thoughts. You are important and we care.

Hang in there girl and know if you need to pm me you can. I will do whatever I can to help and be there for you.

dps

(((((((((All))))))))
ty for holding me in mind - good to know i am still attached somewhere.
DPS, i too am definately lost somewhere and deeling moreso - maybe we'll bump into each other and can hang on tight.
Hunny, yeah the Disability letter did get through to my profs, ty.

things are so strange now - it is like most of the system can't hear T! like she's outside my zone of hearing range now or there is so much internal chaos to hear over?

This morning my cat woke me just before 5am and i totally triggered - i've not been able to sleep since and my skin on my whole body hurts

((((((((((((((((((((Kiyacat))))))))))))))))))))))))

Love
Sparrow

((((((((((((((((Kiya)))))))))))))))

Keep trying...
or sometimes it helps to just float...

did you know that if you're in quicksand it's best to just lay on your back and float? At least that's what I've heard... sometimes trying too hard, and trying for goals that are too high can be too much. So keep trying, but don't wear yourself out either. Loads of hugs

(((Kiya))) (air hugs)

Sorry we didn't see this earlier. That feeling is awful. As though your body is uncomfortable in itself?
The T told us once, that it is like a form of overstimulation or the breaking down of natural boundaries with the world.
Is anything comfortable for you? Please know we are with you.

((((((((((((Silver, Turquoisesea, Calista)))))))))))))

it would help if my cat would stop triggering me just before 5am. He's done this twice now. curls up against my stomach and there goes the world. Oddly, i always hoped he would curl up next to me all these years (rather than sit and stare at my face, 6 inches from my face) and now that my body is "waking up" and being really triggery, NOW he wants to curl in and be all sweet. it just throws off my whole day from that point on. anyway, thanks all

(((((((((((((kiya))))))))))))))) This happens to me too when I'm in a really bad place. It's super scary.

It happens in T's office sometimes, and once I was seeing scary eyes in the pillow on the other end of the couch. I was hiding behind my hands with my eyes closed because I was scared. T kept telling me to pick up the pillow and throw it across the room where I could see it, but I didn't want to because it was too scary. He kept saying "It's a pillow, throw it" and I finally got mad at him for telling me what to do over and over again and I lunged forward and grabbed it and threw it across the room and....it totally broke the spell. It WAS just a pillow, there weren't scary eyes.

So, I am wondering (truly wondering, because I don't know) if you touched the thing that looked scary, if it would break the spell??

When the room starts to spin when I am with T, if I touch T - hold his hand or even touch fingertip to fingertip - it makes the spinning stop and reality come back. Same idea, I guess.

Lots and lots of and to you, sweet kiya.

Kiya,

You wanted kitty to curl up next to you...SO why not plan on kitty doing that every morning at 5am (which is less freaky than the 6 inches from your face staring thing - at least to me it is)

It is what you wanted and maybe kitty can do it now because he/she feels more comfy with you.

Sometimes we have to assign new meanings to things and it will change how we perceive them.

PS I am sorry things are so overwhelming, I know that is really tough. I have always had some weird things about how clothes and stuff feel. It can freak me out too sometimes.

Sending you a butterfly hug...it will just flit right past you and look pretty. That's from me to you. bye,

Leslie and Pixies

((((Kiya))))

I am holding on tight and am right there with you. I know that lost feeling and it is not something that can be explained. I am lost in a dark place and it is very scary. Just hold on Kiya--------------------------------I am reaching out my hand for you to grab onto and hold tight. I am not going anywhere my friend. Please feel free to pm me if you want to talk or just want someone to sit with you quietly.

Sending you gentle hugs my friend and loving thoughts. Always.

dps

OMG that's never happened for me in T's office @_@! ((((Tree!!!))) When i start diss-ing out, switching alters, or get panicked, T and her room lose color slowly and become black and white.

I dunno - most of it is far away - in the trees, the trees themselves take on scary shapes and faces - and other such things. I like your suggestions tho! thank you!

Hahaha this silly thing told me i had to have 10 characters to send this... *looks at page* ... evidently putting your entire quote in here and adding to it doesn't count. I actually have to *write* outside the quote LOL

Thank you so much DPS - holding on tight. There's safety in all of us holding on in the dark. I have been feelin creeped out and up to my ears in catastrophic thinking - working myself up into a panic attack.
Do you think we should add a light in here? I have T's crystal with me... somewhere, in one of these pockets....
((((((((((((DPS))))))))))))