[multipixie9]

That was the sound of my home situation blowing up. My spouse just figured out I had moved out of the bedroom and he went kaboom at me, loudly, for about 10 minutes straight. He told me all he thought was wrong with me and how my T has poisoned my mind, kept me weak and living in the past. He suggested maybe I should move out since I did not like it here. I kept quiet and just let him have his say.

He pretty much blames eveything wrong in our life on me. Personally, I don't think I'm powerful enough to be solely able to wreck two lives. It is so sad that he can't/won't see any of my side. I don't know where things will go from here, but my littles are kinda freaked and my adults are calm and cool- we knew this was coming.

Pixies in a Jam

(((Pixies & littles & all))) Oh he makes us SO angry!!

Sorry if that's not appropriate but you deserve better. You deserve some understanding and care.

Originally Posted by multipixie9

Personally, I don't think I'm powerful enough to be solely able to wreck two lives.

Ugh, ((((((((((((((Pixies))))))))))))))))))), I'm sorry.

But what you said above is a very powerful thought. And so true. Good for you for not taking the blame he was trying to place on you. That's strength. Hang on to that.

[notz]

(((((((((((Pixies))))))))

[Eriksplus]

We live in the same situation YOU do!!!!!
Sending you lots of and for this rough time!
(Dance)Erik

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((( pixies )))))))

I agree, its most unlikely to be all your "fault"

[Seabirdanne]

(((((((((((((((((((((((Precious Pixies)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Take care.

[multipixie9]

Thank you, kind peoples. I think this is going to be an ongoing soap opera for a while. The support is appreciated by all.

I've been able to see his side in this. I know how my dysfunctions and problems made life here difficult at times and not a lot of fun. I can honestly say though, that I have tried hard to be good to my kids and my spouse. If this were just physical problems, would he be so unkind??? In the back of my head I kinda think he would. He wants me to be and do what he wants. What I want doesn't matter unless there is nothing going on and then it is ok for my thing.

What makes me angriest is being treated like a liar. I am telling the truth. It happened as I said and I will get over it as soon as I can. I hate being mistrusted. Grrrr!!!

[darkpurplesecrets]

((((Multipixie9))))

Yes, you are right. It is not all your fault. It takes two. Yes, it is difficult when you are dealing with so much. But that was not your fault either. Funny how it all falls on us the aftermath of what happened so long ago.

But you are not a liar. You are not making anything up. What you know to be true is true. Sometimes there is no getting anyone to understand. Especially if they have not walked in our shoes.

When things are done in secret and covered up so well that there is no way to let anyone see and it is only your word, it does make it tough for us to get others to believe or understand.

But here, you are believed and validated for everything you went through and feel. You are never ridiculed or put down for what you feel and you are heard. You are important just for being you.

Sending you gentle hugs and loving thoughts.

dps

[multipixie9]

Dear DPS,

Thank you, you said it so correctly. It feels awful to be the one hurt and then to have people not believe, misunderstand or even blame us for our troubles. It is horrible right now.

Thank you and all the others here at DD. I do feel supported here and accepted for who I am. Occasionally things do go wrong here, but that is so little compared to all the times of genuine kindness, affection and acceptance.

I will take those hugs thank you and make them last until I can see my T tomorrow.

Spouse blew up all over again today and spent an hour railing at me or sitting silently waiting for me to say something so he could go at me again. No matter what I say he can't seem to hear me at all. Perhaps his own hurt is too big. I know he feels hurt and somehow rejected by me, but I can't find a way to make things better. Sigh. Hugs to you also, I know you've had it rough too.

Leslie and scared pixies

[Eriksplus]

Multi and all
(Webber)Erik

[notz]

(((((((Leslie & scared pixies)))))))

[wanttoheal]

((((((((((((((Multipixies)))))))))))))) I'm so sorry all of this is happening. I wish I had some words of wisdom. Please know I care and wish only the best for you and want to support you. I hope husband will have a breakthrough in his thinking Please stay safe and take gentle care.

Oh no pixies, I'm sorry to hear that. We were all rooting for you that you would finally get some much needed peace.

I am not in a place right now that I can be of support, but know that I am thinking of you and when I am "up and running at full speed" again, I'll check in and see how things are going.

[multipixie9]

(Eriksplus and Notz) hugs for your support and thanks too!!!

Orange Blossom, I know you are in a very tough place too. I've wished I could pm with you, but I understand the need to take care of yourself and not to try and give too much. I appreciate you and sympathize with many of the things you have written online. I sure wish it could be better for you too and all of us here. Sending you butterfly hugs to land gently and touch you with beauty and love.

leslieann and puzzled pixies

[Miri]

Pixies ... just adding my sincere hope that the dust settles soon. When he figures out you aren't going to cave and return to him in the way he wishes, I truly hope that eventually he will just get tired of the tirades. Please know that you have my support, 100%, and that I am holding you in my heart
Miri

(((Leslie & all pixies)))

I'm so sorry you aren't getting what you need from him. It does take two to make it work, but when we marry, we promise to hold each other up in times of need. That's doesn't seem to have happened for you.
Maybe he is frightened by the realization of all that happened to you. Maybe he uses anger (displaced) to hide his fear. Sometimes men have a need to fix what's wrong and if they can't, get frustrated and angry.
I'm thinking of you and hope the dust settles soon.
(We have a similar thing going on here at home also, so we understand all too well.)

[multipixie9]

Dear Calista+12,

I'm sorry you have no support at home. That makes everything much tougher and it makes recovery slower because it diverts energy to protection instead of getting healed. Yesterday I finally realized that even though he raged at me twice this weekend I did not cry and did not feel sad or scared (except for some littles). He did not get to me. That is a big deal for us, he used to be able to run us over and we would cry and curl up in a tiny ball of misery. No more! He is wrong and we are not going to place his sick little game. Grrr.

Thanks for the support and friendship,

leslie/leah

You are more than welcome for the (little ) support I could offer. I'll be thinking of you.

Originally Posted by multipixie9

Orange Blossom, I understand the need to take care of yourself and not to try and give too much. .

leslieann and puzzled pixies

{{{ Leslieann and Puzzled Pixies }}}

Thank you for understanding.

I have come under fire for choosing self care before, but I am coming to a place of realization that it says more about them than it does about me. I am doing what's best for me in the long run. I am tapped out at the moment, but I give when I can.

It's not only my physical health that dictates when I need to rest, but the events of this past year. (the death of my mother, the s*i*c*d* of another family member along with a bunch of other deaths) It all has a a way of "catching up" with me and when the two collide, it's just plain rough.

I appreciate the support right at this very moment, more than you could ever know.