[wanttoheal]

I am starting to become aware of how my brain works. I always thought it would be interesting if it weren't my brain, lol. I wanted to share something that I've noticed about me. It's okay if your system is not like mine. We are different people with different experiences.

I would like to have a discussion on parts, but I really am not wanting to have arguments. I would love to have people's opinions and experiences, but please, if you have a problem with what I am posting, could you please disagree in a respectful manner or take it to another thread.

I used a trigger icon due to mention of bl**d and just the fact that parts can trigger.

I was reading in another thread about older parts. I found out a while ago that I do have parts that have taken on older personas (if that is the correct word). Apparently when I was young, I needed someone older to take care of me (and perhaps some other children who were in my home, not sure). My brain created an older part, one who cleans up bl**d, takes care of cuts and bruises, medical stuff, that sort of thing.

There were some more recent events in my life where this part of me dealt with people in my life, doing the same thing. I found out that she was very calm, didn't really talk much, but was very adept at cleaning up... well bl**d and bandaging cuts and things.

If I see bl**d, it freaks me out. I saw pictures of some things she dealt with within the last few years and if I had been present in my brain, I think I would have either thrown up or passed out. Even the pictures were too much for me. But she was able to deal with it with no problem at all, calmly and effectively according to T and daughter.

T said though, that she (I in that capacity) was limited in what she could do. While this part was older, she lacked (and I suppose still lacks) a lot of the emotional skills of an adult. She can clean up, bandage and take care of children (even fixed up my children when they got hurt), but when T talked to her about other (emotional) things, this part of me apparently could not comprehend it.

Even while a little freaked out about it, I found it interesting that that part of me, formed when I was a small child, even to this day, has the attributes of a child's version of an adult. I don't know if this part considers herself to be older than what the body is now but I do know that she considers herself to be "very old", a phrase that seems like it came from a child's mind.

T has talked with her periodically, but I don't know the outcome of what was talked about.

Have any of you guys noticed that older parts of you react and act from a child's viewpoint of what an adult is like?

Originally Posted by wanttoheal

I am starting to become aware of how my brain works. I always thought it would be interesting if it weren't my brain, lol. I wanted to share something that I've noticed about me. It's okay if your system is not like mine. We are different people with different experiences.

I would like to have a discussion on parts, but I really am not wanting to have arguments. I would love to have people's opinions and experiences, but please, if you have a problem with what I am posting, could you please disagree in a respectful manner or take it to another thread.

I used a trigger icon due to mention of bl**d and just the fact that parts can trigger.

I was reading in another thread about older parts. I found out a while ago that I do have parts that have taken on older personas (if that is the correct word). Apparently when I was young, I needed someone older to take care of me (and perhaps some other children who were in my home, not sure). My brain created an older part, one who cleans up bl**d, takes care of cuts and bruises, medical stuff, that sort of thing.

There were some more recent events in my life where this part of me dealt with people in my life, doing the same thing. I found out that she was very calm, didn't really talk much, but was very adept at cleaning up... well bl**d and bandaging cuts and things.

If I see bl**d, it freaks me out. I saw pictures of some things she dealt with within the last few years and if I had been present in my brain, I think I would have either thrown up or passed out. Even the pictures were too much for me. But she was able to deal with it with no problem at all, calmly and effectively according to T and daughter.

T said though, that she (I in that capacity) was limited in what she could do. While this part was older, she lacked (and I suppose still lacks) a lot of the emotional skills of an adult. She can clean up, bandage and take care of children (even fixed up my children when they got hurt), but when T talked to her about other (emotional) things, this part of me apparently could not comprehend it.

Even while a little freaked out about it, I found it interesting that that part of me, formed when I was a small child, even to this day, has the attributes of a child's version of an adult. I don't know if this part considers herself to be older than what the body is now but I do know that she considers herself to be "very old", a phrase that seems like it came from a child's mind.

T has talked with her periodically, but I don't know the outcome of what was talked about.

Have any of you guys noticed that older parts of you react and act from a child's viewpoint of what an adult is like?

We love this topic!! Thank you for it. It's in the correct place & most with DID can relate in some way, so we see nothing wrong with this.
We will reply in more detail a bit later. This is very interesting.

[Luce]

Yes, I think I know what you mean. As a child, there were many 'adult' helpers created within my system, and one of those was created to deal with medical emergencies. My understanding of these parts (in myself) is that they are very limited in their role and ability to cope anything that falls outside their strictly defined role.
I may be able to say more later.

((((((((((((((((wanttoheal))))))))))))))))

My T has told me about (and I am somewhat aware of) a teenage part. I guess she was created when I was very young to step in and take the abuse. Apparently, she is "based on" my best friends older sister - who was much older than us, and who I perceived at the time as being very cool and tough.

And yeah, it seems like she is almost a caricature of a teenager. It's like there's no depth to her, she's just a "teenager"...kind of a smarta**, thinks she's tough, that sort of thing. No real feelings, or emotional life, like you said. Just sort of pi**ed off, and willing to take on the world.

It IS interesting to hear about her, and to "see" her a little sometimes...because it's so obvious to me that I saw this person, thought she could handle anything, and just picked out her most obvious traits and took them on.

Good topic

[multipixie9]

I'm fascinated when I read of people with older alts. As far as I know, there are no older parts like that in our system. I do know that someone in me reacts very well to crisis situations. She would step forward and do things my mom could not do when a crunch-time happened. She seemed like a teen at that time and now it may be integrated into my mothering skills I learned. I tend to handle physical emergencies pretty well and yet an emotional crisis can be really tough to handle.

Good topic though, hope others respond. I really enjoy hearing about how other people's parts and systems of alts work. My systems of alts are all in the dark and so we never see anyone. It's kinda screwy, but that was how we survived. We had to pretend we were not split and be able to supress things so we turned out the lights inside of our mind, thinking that what we can't see we can't reveal. Of course the adult me would love to see inside.... Oh well!

Originally Posted by wanttoheal

I am starting to become aware of how my brain works. I always thought it would be interesting if it weren't my brain, lol. I wanted to share something that I've noticed about me. It's okay if your system is not like mine. We are different people with different experiences.

I would like to have a discussion on parts, but I really am not wanting to have arguments. I would love to have people's opinions and experiences, but please, if you have a problem with what I am posting, could you please disagree in a respectful manner or take it to another thread.

I used a trigger icon due to mention of bl**d and just the fact that parts can trigger.

I was reading in another thread about older parts. I found out a while ago that I do have parts that have taken on older personas (if that is the correct word). Apparently when I was young, I needed someone older to take care of me (and perhaps some other children who were in my home, not sure). My brain created an older part, one who cleans up bl**d, takes care of cuts and bruises, medical stuff, that sort of thing.

Something similar goes on with us. When the body was very young we were terrified of any physical illness or symptoms in other people. Panic would set in and we's all run away. An older helper came. We think there are a few older ones who deal with these things. One became an EMT, one a social service worker, one went to nursing school & has medical knowlege no one can explain. They all deal with the b**** also. We know the older parts came to us early in the life...maybe 6 or 7 yrs.

There were some more recent events in my life where this part of me dealt with people in my life, doing the same thing. I found out that she was very calm, didn't really talk much, but was very adept at cleaning up... well bl**d and bandaging cuts and things.

If I see bl**d, it freaks me out. I saw pictures of some things she dealt with within the last few years and if I had been present in my brain, I think I would have either thrown up or passed out. Even the pictures were too much for me. But she was able to deal with it with no problem at all, calmly and effectively according to T and daughter.

T said though, that she (I in that capacity) was limited in what she could do. While this part was older, she lacked (and I suppose still lacks) a lot of the emotional skills of an adult. She can clean up, bandage and take care of children (even fixed up my children when they got hurt), but when T talked to her about other (emotional) things, this part of me apparently could not comprehend it.

This part is different from ours. We seem to have some adult emotions,empathy and concern, but along with it comes a very black humor for the situation.

Even while a little freaked out about it, I found it interesting that that part of me, formed when I was a small child, even to this day, has the attributes of a child's version of an adult. I don't know if this part considers herself to be older than what the body is now but I do know that she considers herself to be "very old", a phrase that seems like it came from a child's mind.

We figured some of those atributes you mentioned came, in us from the grandmother and other adult caregivers when the body was young. Maybe yours are "copied" from positive adults, capable of dealing with these things? Could they be fragments?( They have a job,do their job, are good at it, and not much more.)

T has talked with her periodically, but I don't know the outcome of what was talked about.

Have any of you guys noticed that older parts of you react and act from a child's viewpoint of what an adult is like?

Thank you fo this post. It is very thought provoking.

[Kiya]

W2H,
this is very familiar to me as well. I'd never really thought about it. I knew it happened, but I didn't think about it more than that. When *I* see bl**d, i gag or get faint. I worked at the Red Cross for 2 years and there was a lot of that. We took a tour in the bl**d dept and i was seeing stars and getting dizzy.

Originally Posted by wanttoheal

If I see bl**d, it freaks me out. I saw pictures of some things she dealt with within the last few years and if I had been present in my brain, I think I would have either thrown up or passed out. Even the pictures were too much for me. But she was able to deal with it with no problem at all, calmly and effectively according to T and daughter.

When one of my school kids had a bl**dy nose, I went into care mode, but still was nearly throwing up and I think my mannerism was that of one of those mean, stern, no-nonsence nurses.

But I have dealt with other cuts and scrapes with kids, skin coming off and the whole bit - calmly, carefully, nicely like a caring mom, seeming older than myself, dutiful, skilled - the kids don't even cry. I know i do go into "calm during crisis mode" and it is different than myself. To the point when i fell down the stairs once, and thought my ankle and toe were broken, i was asking mom for help and SHE was panicking - nearly dropped her cerial bowl. I remember saying to her "Mom - can you please be calm so *I* can panic?!"

T said though, that she (I in that capacity) was limited in what she could do. While this part was older, she lacked (and I suppose still lacks) a lot of the emotional skills of an adult. She can clean up, bandage and take care of children (even fixed up my children when they got hurt), but when T talked to her about other (emotional) things, this part of me apparently could not comprehend it.

this too is familiar. yes, for this aspect of myself there is no emotion. I can see clearly all the way back to being 3, on a trip with my parents. There was a bad accident (dad pulled in front of a semi, while towing a trailer I had been riding in) and i had literally just crawled through the hatch window and gotten in to a seat belt *right* before it happened. Mom was ***Hysterical***. I was completely calm, and had become the adult. I pat her arm and looked at her cut finger (which she doesn't even remember) and soothed her, told her everything was ok, we were all alive. The trailer and my playpen were each in 3 pieces - I would have been killed - that's why mom was so hysterical. But I dried her tears, kept saying to her we're all alive, even put the bandaid on her finger after mopping it up with a kleenix.
In fact, now being able to look at timelines without diss-ing out (and the "ah ha" of my now spinning head/ringing ear), that was the trip right after mom's mom died, where when left with my dad's mom, she SA'ed me and then my mom on this camping trip not a few months later did the same SA to me (and i think that was my first alter switch - with both of them - as the animalistic WILD ONE that comes out when attacked or threatened. Neither had ever seen this behavior in me before and could not calm me (so i am told). Then to have this other "calm in crisis" older alter come out in the same trip (we were just miles from home).
But i do have that "calm self" in emergencies that comes complete with a later arenaline rush, headache, and stomach problems (all things that come with alter swaps for us).
Thanks for the awareness.

[Kiya]

Oh yes, we also have other parts than our current body age (32). Age gets kinda screwy because the kids all think of themselves as being old and having no age. I can sorta tell what age category they fall into, but there are no fast borders on those.
Then Latifa is like early 40's and has certain maturities that the rest of us do not and cannot speak about) and narrator is older than us, but again no real age and is what the name implies.
The kids HATE being asked their age. they feel like adults and hate anything that suggests otherwise. It took me years to understand that our SI part was really only 10. @_@

[wanttoheal]

I wanted to say thank you all for your responses today. I am struggling a bit tonight and not able to keep thought to paper, but I would love to respond to all of you tomorrow, if possible. You all are the best.

(((Wantoheal))) go easy with yourself in all of this. It's powerful stuff.

[darkpurplesecrets]

((((wanttoheal))))

I wanted to answer this post as I found it interesting. I do not have any adult parts that I know of but I do have a part called the box--or little mama. And I have many teenage parts that step in a lot of times. One teenage part holds everyone together. She seems to know the system and what most everyone went through.

I never created any adult parts because the adults were the ones who abused and I never trusted adults, even within myself. I have many littles that hold much of the trauma and they are terrified. I guess everyone within holds something and some were created off others who needed help.

I thank you for sharing what you shared. I know that for me many are terrified of b^^^^, yet I do have a couple of parts that are not. It is hard to explain. Or maybe it is scaring me and too much and difficult to talk about.

Sending you many gentle hugs and loving thoughts.

dps

[Kiya]

Originally Posted by darkpurplesecrets

I have many littles that hold much of the trauma and they are terrified. I guess everyone within holds something and some were created off others who needed help.

yes, this is true for us also.

I wonder - do those that have older parts... did they have to be the adults in the house (because the real adults would not be)? That was true in my house. But... i also am told that I was adult from the time i was born - telling everyone what to do... being a 2 yr old but telling the adults to put their seat belts on, putting myself in my car seat, reading out the road signs and telling the driver to stop at stoplights... maybe having adult parts simply comes from our original personalities, before we had to split off to survive our lives?

[Kiya]

Be safe W2H - lots of safe hugs if you want, thinking of you.

Originally Posted by Kiya

yes, this is true for us also.

I wonder - do those that have older parts... did they have to be the adults in the house (because the real adults would not be)? That was true in my house.

OMG, yes And reading this reminded me that I have always, always felt like a grown up since I was teeny tiny - which I think is why I blame myself for a lot of what happened - because a grown up should know how to get out of those situations. So, when I actually became a grown up, it was like my body finally matched who I "am" inside. And it occurred to me recently that maybe who I think I "am" is just another alter created by me as a child. Which make me wonder....where is the REAL me?? It makes my hands shake to think about that.

[wanttoheal]

Thanks for replying ((((((((((((((((Calista)))))))))))))). I know that everyone is so different and their experiences throughout life have been different. It does make me not feel so alone though that you can relate, though I wish it was for better reasons. Thank you so much.

[wanttoheal]

Thank you for replying (((((((((((((Luce))))))))))). I found out that I was in hospital for a few days or so at a young age. I think that may have been when this part was created, but not positive yet. The attributes of this part of me though is indicative of someone from that environment. From what I know, it would make sense to have a part to deal with that type of stuff.

I think it makes sense that they would only be able to do or be whatever was needed at that time. It's kind of weird to me though that I still apparently see this part as through that child's eyes, but T has said parts of me are frozen in time so that would make sense too, I guess.

It's a lot to figure out. I would love to hear more, if you are able.

[wanttoheal]

((((((((((((((Treehouse)))))))))) Thank you for replying and sharing. T has said the same here. I've been finding out that a lot of parts of me are put to names of people of my past. This particular part apparently has a job name more than a regular name, but I think it's the same thing to a degree. If I was in the hospital or remembered the hospital visit when she was created, it would make sense that she would contain job titles and job definitions based on that.

It really makes sense that your teenager would be someone who was cool and tough because that was probably what was needed to get you through stuff at that time. There is one part that I know about that contains some major anger. Ironically, the person she was named after was seen as an angry person with an attitude, from others I know. No one likes her much and I think I was actually somewhat afraid of her. I don't know if I saw only the anger in that person, or that I needed somewhere to house the anger and attached that to a part like that part of her (if that even makes sense- I think I mean the attributes that you were talking about).

[wanttoheal]

((((((((((((((Multipixies))))))))))))))) Thank you for replying. I don't know how many older parts I have but I do know it is more than just this one, although I also think that some have grown with the body too and I don't know if they consider themselves the body's age or not. It seems as if some parts might have grown for a few years and then stopped at a certain point. I don't know what would cause that though.

T said there is a calm part of me that is able to deal with crises, not of the medical kind as well.

I am in the dark as well. I have no co consciousness at this time. But I am starting to get information from T and being more aware of myself to notice clues.

I had problems last night due to this post. I thought it was a safe post and tried to be very vague, but it caused a lot of chaos inside my head last night. So programmed to keep secrets and I spilled a big one with this post. My brain is all about hiding. I am starting to go against the thought processes by challenging the secrets thing at times. But sometimes it brings some punishing behaviors and/or inside chaos that I wonder if it's worth it. I am going to try to keep pushing forward though.

[Kiya]

Originally Posted by treehouse

OMG,And it occurred to me recently that maybe who I think I "am" is just another alter created by me as a child. Which make me wonder....where is the REAL me?? It makes my hands shake to think about that.

OMG we went through that too - the body name FREAKED with that thought.

be safe!!! (((((((((((Tree!)))))))))))

[wanttoheal]

W2H,
this is very familiar to me as well. I'd never really thought about it. I knew it happened, but I didn't think about it more than that. When *I* see bl**d, i gag or get faint. I worked at the Red Cross for 2 years and there was a lot of that. We took a tour in the bl**d dept and i was seeing stars and getting dizzy.

Isn't it amazing how things are closed off to us until we can manage the information? So many times I knew stuff, but I either didn't think twice about it or just ignored it as normal.

When one of my school kids had a bl**dy nose, I went into care mode, but still was nearly throwing up and I think my mannerism was that of one of those mean, stern, no-nonsence nurses.

But I have dealt with other cuts and scrapes with kids, skin coming off and the whole bit - calmly, carefully, nicely like a caring mom, seeming older than myself, dutiful, skilled - the kids don't even cry. I know i do go into "calm during crisis mode" and it is different than myself. To the point when i fell down the stairs once, and thought my ankle and toe were broken, i was asking mom for help and SHE was panicking - nearly dropped her cerial bowl. I remember saying to her "Mom - can you please be calm so *I* can panic?!"

this too is familiar. yes, for this aspect of myself there is no emotion. I can see clearly all the way back to being 3, on a trip with my parents. There was a bad accident (dad pulled in front of a semi, while towing a trailer I had been riding in) and i had literally just crawled through the hatch window and gotten in to a seat belt *right* before it happened. Mom was ***Hysterical***. I was completely calm, and had become the adult. I pat her arm and looked at her cut finger (which she doesn't even remember) and soothed her, told her everything was ok, we were all alive. The trailer and my playpen were each in 3 pieces - I would have been killed - that's why mom was so hysterical. But I dried her tears, kept saying to her we're all alive, even put the bandaid on her finger after mopping it up with a kleenix.

I so get that. Recently something happened that was pretty scary and someone who went with me asked me what happened to me. I didn't know what she was talking about because my memory of the incident was pretty sketchy. She said when we got some news, my face went completely blank and then calm and I took control of the situation, told her to give me her keys, that I was driving, that everything was fine and off we went. She said throughout the whole thing, my facial expression was very calm as if I was just thinking about every day stuff and not dealing with a life threatening situation. She said it helped calm her a lot.

My daughter has said that when people stress out beside me or get angry, etc- anything that deals with high emotions, it's like my body slows down and I become the extreme version of calm. She said she notices that people around me calm down from it or at the least, stand out in the extreme from the calmness in me. The only thing I can think is that when I was younger, it must have been needed to keep me safe and to deal with whatever was going on.

But i do have that "calm self" in emergencies that comes complete with a later arenaline rush, headache, and stomach problems (all things that come with alter swaps for us).

Phew, yea, even though the outside shows extreme calmness, my insides tend to get pretty messed up. I guess it affects the body somewhere, even if it doesn't show. That causes struggles here in so many ways, particular when from the outside it looks like I'm managing just fine, even when I'm not from the inside.

Originally Posted by Kiya

Oh yes, we also have other parts than our current body age (32). Age gets kinda screwy because the kids all think of themselves as being old and having no age. I can sorta tell what age category they fall into, but there are no fast borders on those.
Then Latifa is like early 40's and has certain maturities that the rest of us do not and cannot speak about) and narrator is older than us, but again no real age and is what the name implies.
The kids HATE being asked their age. they feel like adults and hate anything that suggests otherwise. It took me years to understand that our SI part was really only 10. @_@

So hard sometimes to realize that the parts that are so self destructive to this body are young children who either are just doing what they were programmed to do or have learned how to cope and live through things by injuring.

Age is a weird thing to me. I don't know how old I am most of the time. But then I don't know what year it is half the time, and I rarely know what month and day it is. I don't know if other parts of me consider ages. T said some (or a lot of) parts are stuck in time with ages and are in certain years so I don't know. It's still pretty confusing to me.

Thanks so much for sharing ((((((((((((((Kiya))))))))))))))

[wanttoheal]

Thank you so much ((((((((((((((((((((darkpurplesecrets))))))))))))))))))

As a rule, the adults in my life apparently were far from safe, but I think I must have seen or had access to some that were safe, be it when I was in hospital or from TV. Somehow I had some kind of knowledge that not all adults were like those in my immediate life.

I kind of wish I knew some ages of parts to get a better idea of things here, but I'm too chicken. T said it will all happen when it needs to. She has a lot of information about this stuff but she doesn't really give me any of it (and I don't want it...).

It can be very scary delving into all of this and being willing to look. I often look with my fingers covering my eyes.

Originally Posted by wanttoheal

Age is a weird thing to me. I don't know how old I am most of the time. But then I don't know what year it is half the time, and I rarely know what month and day it is.

This is so true for me as well. Both the age thing, and the not knowing the date/year/etc. For some reason, I have a REALLY hard time knowing what season it is. If I am somewhere like the mall or the shower where I can't see outside, I get really confused and have to think super hard and can't always figure it out. I've always had that for as long as I can remember, and it bugs me a lot. Maybe that's why I need to be in rooms with open curtains/blinds all the time.

Huh. T's blinds are SUPER triggering to me, he knows it, and it's almost a problem because everything can be going along fine and I'll notice the blinds (which are always closed because his office faces the sidewalk) and it's downhill from there. I wonder if it's related? (this thread is making me think a lot, WTH)

Thanks for this thread

Wanttoheal,

Please know I support you in this thread, but I'm just not able to be here right now.

[wanttoheal]

Yes, I have trouble knowing the seasons too, every facet of time I think. That makes sense about the blinds in T's office. I am the opposite in that I like the blinds drawn and no peep holes for anyone to see in. I think because I have no sense of time, time doesn't matter so much to me (except when I get in trouble for not knowing something to do with it). But being safe is paramount and so blinds, curtains, anything to prevent someone from hearing or seeing me in T's office is a good thing.

It might be a good subject to bring up with T, albeit scary. Thanks so much for responding (((((((((((Treehouse))))))))))))

[wanttoheal]

Dear Orange, I always feel you near and feel your support and I am so thankful for it. Thank you so much for always being here.

This thread has been hard for me. It breaches all sorts of secret keeping rules my brain has. I'm glad I pushed through though. You all are so amazing. Thank you all for sharing. I hope to hear more as you can and I hope to share more as I am able.