My Old Best Friend Returned -

My old best friend of 23 years came back into my life via a phone call after us having been distant from each other for six years and now my main alter is all over the map with anger & frustration (cursing included) - I feel lost, as I would love to have her back in my life due to the fact that she was the one person I could always count on with no judging or hate involved, never... and yet I find her present disposition the same as it has been for the last 12 years (depressed, angry, complaining - blaming) and that to me is not some thing I (we) can live with on a daily or even weekly basis........

WHY TO DO? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?

Rhapsody, as you already know, boundries are for our safety. Sometimes it is very hard to put up those fences, but they may be needed. For example, I love my parents, and with my dad being elderly, I know he may not have many holidays left. I was supposed to go see them this Christmass (I live out of state for my own safety anyway and emotional boundries). But with the trauma work I am doing, it would not be in my best interest at all. My angry alter has already threatened physical harm to me if I tried to "make" her go. So T said I needed to seriously consider the situation. In my case, I hated to do it, but I made the call to tell the folks that I could not come this Christmas. They were not happy about it. But I have finally learned to put my own health first. It is not being selfish - it is being healthy.

You may have to hold internal "family" or "house" meetings with your alters and ask them honestly about the situation. Then come to a decision on what is in the best interests of all your parts / alters. And then make your stand and draw the boundries where you have to draw them in order to stay safe and mentally healthy.

Hey Rhapsody!!

Long time no talk!!

I agree with VPowers. If your alters will allow an internal meeting, see how they all feel about this. Maybe there are certain alters you have that would be able to maintain healthy boundaries with this person, if you wanted a relationship with her, and they could volunteer to be the ones "out" while you are talking/visiting with her. Maybe you will find out that none of you will benefit from having a relationship with this person at this time.

I can personally empathize with you. I have a long time friend that parts of us would love to get back with. But this person does not really recognize even the host as her own person and attempts to tell us who we are and how to be. We have had to pull back from this relationship and we have felt better keeping strict boundaries.

We're here for you!!

ya we agree with the others. we have tried to be friends with just about anyone out of lonelyness it always caused us more pain then good. don't get me wrong we now have this page and some good single minded friends but before when I could not make friends due to public oppion of me it was so lonely. for all of us and we like people just not bad people. so make sure this person is not a friend out of lonelyness but because you truly share some positive goals.

Thanks for the replies.... this person is definitely a friend out of love and common goals - it is her lack of self growth from clinical depression and childhood wounds that disrupted, interfered with our relationship. I received help for my issue and have greatly healed over the last ten years, where she is still wallowing around in self pity and blaming others for her mishaps and bad life - that which brings me down emotionally when I am around her to long (she complains 24/7).

Over all I would say that I am concerned about the safety of my own "mental being" if I allow her back into my the life in her present condition.... I was told by her daughter that my friend is in counseling now.... 2 months into it. I pray and send good vibes her way that she will finally be ready to open up and let healing take place for both her and her daughter's sake.