[Rapunzel]

I don't have DID, but have frequently had dissociative symptoms. T started doing some ego state work with me once, but it has been years and she hasn't brought it up again and to me it feels like claiming something that somehow I'm not entitled to if I bring it up again.

There is a part of me that babbles in just nonsense sounds, but they definitely seem to relate to particular emotions. When I am around only family or someone I know very well and I'm not afraid of them thinking that I'm crazy or something, sometimes the noises are like the happy cooing and jargan talk that you hear from babies that haven't learned to talk yet. I think that this is also the part of me that meows to the cats and barks to the dogs and maaas to the goats, but I'm not sure. The animal noises are a bit more connected to me and conscious and controlled. The baby noises just happen.

I am aware of it, and can stop it if I want to, but it doesn't feel like me. I can even acknowledge the noises and comment about them, with or without stopping the noises. The part of me that makes baby noises has a name. She is called Heidi. I don't think that she has language, but I have known her name for several years, and maybe since I was a child. I think that she is very young, or maybe even part animal. I have been letting her 'talk' more than I used to, rather than silencing her all the time. I have been more aware of her lately too. She hasn't ever talked to T. I don't know if that is because she hasn't wanted to, or because I haven't let her. She is a lot more talkative when I am tired and going to sleep.

Sometimes she makes angry noises too, but only when I am completely alone, like when I am driving in my car. Sometimes she shrieks! I almost said she screams, but I don't ever scream and don't think that I can, and she is part of me, so probably can't either. And sometimes it feels like anger, and other times it feels more like embarassment.

Any thoughts or ideas about what this is, or what to do with/about it? Has anyone else experienced anything similar? I don't know of anyone else having this.

[susierose]

I have the same issues too! I have a teen (Katrina) a lil called (little Susie) and a few who i know are there but no names. I have a few different personality's, a coping side, a protector and a very emotional messed up side. I don't have much memory loss and i can engage with them and control them if i don't want them to come out. They have different ways of dressing and different likes. I always say i have not got DID because i can remember what my alters say and do. My therapist says that can be possible, and that not everyone with DID is as severe a case as Sybil in the film, Where she had no control or remember what her alters said or did. don't know if this makes sense to you but its sounds maybe you have similar to me.

[darkpurplesecrets]

((((Rap))))

Thank you for sharing with us. I do not know what it is that is going on there. But I do know that I have a part called baby who only can talk in baby talk. She cries and says mama and dada. She will calm down with someone singing and she starts to try to humm what is being sung. Then she will fall asleep.

Lastnight I was trying to go to sleep and someone came out and started to cry wanting the wady and I could not calm her down or get her to stop for a very long time. She finally cried herself to sleep. I know who she is but she could not be calmed as she was terrified. She does not have the understanding of time. She still thinks she is back in time and does not understand we are in the now.

I did not have co-consciousness of those within and still do not with many even though I have been told they are there. I still lose so much time and am unsure what is taking place during those times. But with those I do know are there and can hear them and sometimes see as I am afloat watching I do know what they say or do.

It is odd and feels strange. And sometimes I am so afraid of what someone would think if they could hear me in my apartment. I know they are real and I know they are there. The having co-consciousness helps so much to at least know what is going on even if I cannot comfort them at times. It at least takes away the questions that used to fill me everyday.

I have been told that there are those that have been out playing on the floor and acting the exact age they are. I really have a hard time with this as I cannot understand. I do not understand how they can do things that I know I cannot do. But I know they are there and what they need is to be heard and accepted.

I know they hold emotions and memories that I was unable to have. And they helped me survive what was happening. It is because of them I am still in existence today. I thank them for that. And for holding those parts of me that I was never allowed to be.

I do not know if I have said anything that makes sense or that you were asking. I know for me, sometimes I can hear them and sometimes I do not know they have been there. But I am working on that everyday to become aware of them.

Sending you gentle hugs and loving thoughts. Always.

dps

[WePow]

Getting to know who we are on the inside can be enlightening! Here are some suggestions if you want to try any of them. They are things I have done to facilitate my own internal communication:

1) Mirror Work - Stand calmly infront of a mirror and just look into your own eyes. Open your heart and honestly ask that part of you to introduce itself or come forward. Then watch in the mirror as that part responds. If is odd at first because you will see your own response as well and the switching between the states is not very fluid. But with time, the ability to communicate with that part of yourself through the mirror will become very easy.

2) With younger parts, it is good to have some type of art supplies around - if that part is old enough to hold a crayon or such. If not, try to use clay or playdo. For the very young ones, I would think fingerpaints might be fine.

3) Record an audio session with yourself and the parts. This can be done for older alters as an interview. Or when you feel the part start to come forward, you can click on the recording device - or now a days we can use cell phone memo feature - and capture the dialog.

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((((( Rap )))))))))))))))))

[opheliasorrow]

Rapunzel I can relate to you in a way. I have dissociative amnesia and although I dont suffer with DID I have been known to dissociate and did so in my therapists room not long ago for the first time. This could be because you are starting to 'trust' the older parts within and also 'trust' those who you make these noises around. Something may or may not have happened when you were a baby, it may just be that 'part' of you who is making herself known? My T suggested I am getting to trust her more after 2 years and that is why my 'younger' parts are speaking out. She also said that abviously babies cant write or read and can only 'voice things', this could be the answer .... Please keep us posted on this as I am so interested and would like to know how you get on Kerry xx

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Rapunzel

I don't have DID, but have frequently had dissociative symptoms. T started doing some ego state work with me once, but it has been years and she hasn't brought it up again and to me it feels like claiming something that somehow I'm not entitled to if I bring it up again.

There is a part of me that babbles in just nonsense sounds, but they definitely seem to relate to particular emotions. When I am around only family or someone I know very well and I'm not afraid of them thinking that I'm crazy or something, sometimes the noises are like the happy cooing and jargan talk that you hear from babies that haven't learned to talk yet. I think that this is also the part of me that meows to the cats and barks to the dogs and maaas to the goats, but I'm not sure. The animal noises are a bit more connected to me and conscious and controlled. The baby noises just happen.

I am aware of it, and can stop it if I want to, but it doesn't feel like me. I can even acknowledge the noises and comment about them, with or without stopping the noises. The part of me that makes baby noises has a name. She is called Heidi. I don't think that she has language, but I have known her name for several years, and maybe since I was a child. I think that she is very young, or maybe even part animal. I have been letting her 'talk' more than I used to, rather than silencing her all the time. I have been more aware of her lately too. She hasn't ever talked to T. I don't know if that is because she hasn't wanted to, or because I haven't let her. She is a lot more talkative when I am tired and going to sleep.

Sometimes she makes angry noises too, but only when I am completely alone, like when I am driving in my car. Sometimes she shrieks! I almost said she screams, but I don't ever scream and don't think that I can, and she is part of me, so probably can't either. And sometimes it feels like anger, and other times it feels more like embarassment.

Any thoughts or ideas about what this is, or what to do with/about it? Has anyone else experienced anything similar? I don't know of anyone else having this.

when this kind of thing happened to me my therapist first had me go to the doctors to make sure it wasn't terrettes syndrome because terrettes is blurting out noises words and phrases uncontrolably. then when all tests showed I was physically normal she told me its my unconsciousness telling me something is lacking in my life. She said it was called experiencing the inner child concept, Adult Parent Child theory and introjects depending on the situation. Theres a thread around here someplace that talks about introjects but briefly its when someone takes things from other people and incorporates that in their own way of being. The inner child concept and parent adult child theory is that everyone has times when they feel like a child reacting as a child. since its not like an alter taking control and it only happens at certain times and I had a certain amount of control over it like only doing it when I was alone, in her office, with babies and animals its a learned thing that can be undone. she told me to listen to other adults and watch what they do around animals and babies. what do they do? start cooing to the baby they are holding and imitating animal noises that go along with that animal. Somewhere as a child I picked up on it being perfectly normal to do these things because I saw others doing it. to make it stop happening all I had to do is continue to control it like I do when I'm in situations where I know it should not happen. If I can control it when I am in church then I can control it when I am alone. its just a matter of making that decision. Then we talked about why I allow it to happen when I'm alone or in certain situations so that I could better understand why I'm doing it. For me it was because the rest of my life was so serious business like and controlled that I felt the only time I could relax was when I was alone or with animals or babies. After I understood that I started making a point of scheduling some down time to relax, journal, draw and when around people I started being a part of the fun stuff like yesterday a friend called and asked me if I wanted to come over and decorate the tree with her family. Instead of saying no I said sure and stopped at the store and bought a can of silly string and canned sno. Instead of remaining controlled and serious I purposely pulled out the silly string and sno and allowed myself to have fun decorating windows, the tree and my friend and her family. on purpose we had a silly string fight. It wasnt my inner child/introject doing it, it was me doing it. and for the rest of the day I had no uncontrolled animal noises, baby babble, swearing.

My suggestion is call your doctor so you can find out if this is a physical problem and tell your therapist what is happening so that you and your therapist can find out whats going on and why its happening because we cant tell you what your problem is, what it is for you or why its happening to you. thats called diagnosing you and we cant do that on line can we.

[Rapunzel]

I am afraid T will think I am just inventing symptoms as a way to hold on to being weird and dysfunctional. But I will try to tell her about it. I've also been wanting to start some inner child work, and I have some books I started reading (no, I haven't read in the books that I'm supposed to make random baby and animal sounds or anything like that, but I never get very far in reading either). I haven't shared the books or wanting to do inner child work with T either, although I have gone with the books in my bag and the intention to bring it up.