[Hunny]

We have a dilema.

We know it is important to work full-time for us to be able to live but when we work everyday and including travel time we get so exhausted we can barely function.

We seem to be able to keep up for about a few months but longer than that and we just escape to other alters who have no idea how to work (like to child parts) so increases our susceptibility to switching.

We love to work and have a good place right now but it is not quite enough. Also, knowing that we don't qualify for and emplymnt income if we don't work full time makes us worried. So far we have trusted God and gone for all kinds of support resume-wise and interview-wise and things have worked out but we are concerned about this economy and our tiredness. We do not live in US so not have same supports.

It's just that tiredness, wrecks us. Anyone else with this same experience?
.

[Fox]

I do fine with work for a few months at a time too. But I can't stick with the same job or I lose my mind. I'm very fortunate that I've been able to find flexible jobs that are willing to move me around to different departments or positions. Money is really tight right now with my new job since I ran out of stuff to try at the hospital that doesn't require extra schooling. Logically I know I have to keep working because it's good for me and keeps me from becoming a total recluse. But it's a real struggle too. I don't have the energy to work full-time. I exert a lot of energy with internal battles that I'm not aware of I just feel my energy being drained and I know something big's going on. Usually about that time is when I "wake up" somewhere else and not sure how I got there lol. I hope others have some helpful advice since I'm going through a similar fight as you. We're not just fighting depression but fighting ourselves. It's like a double blow.

[wanttoheal]

I do struggle with working for sure. It also takes everything I have to maintain, whether or not I remember the day, and so by the time I get home, I'm completely wiped out. But, when I'm not working, I lose more track of days, months, etc.

I wish I had a solution for you Hunny. I do know that when I give myself time to heal from the day, I do much better than when I don't have that opportunity. I seem to need a lot of alone time but I don't always get it.

[WePow]

((( Hunny ))) Yes - it is very very hard with DID to work esp when under stress and switching happens. UGG! You are doing excellent to keep on making it day after day. Our household is proud of you!!!

[anderson]

((((Hunny)))) we be so proud of u we understand we still depend on others to help us. right now so u are doing very good.It may not feel it but we all be proud of u.

[Hunny]

(((( Fox ))))

I find 'the lose your mind' thing is what I call switching. It is like there is an internal drain and all energy to cope goes and what is left is a little person who cannot manage, at least that is what it looks like externally, we not sure.

Flexible jobs seem to work here too but the transitions are killing us. I did go back to school for graphics for web design but have not found employment in this area, as yet. It became so discouraging but we keep working elsehwere, frustrating but food, shelter, clothing!

Becoming a recluse is all too possible for ones who are like us. Thankfully there is PC but we need in real life people too who care about us and we care about when we work.

I love what you said here:

"I exert a lot of energy with internal battles that I'm not aware of I just feel my energy being drained and I know something big's going on."

...because we agree!

Energy to work full time is a problem and as we age it is getting worse, the will to go forward is diminishing, what's that about?

Well, still there is some optimism, less depression, it seems our general nature, if you took all the alters, and lumped them together but we struggle internally and especially when we are in the counselling season. That is why we appreciate the break but can't seem to go longer than about 5 weeks max, without the appointments with our therapist! Then the headaches come, the internal battles abound even more and we are like in a roller coaster of emotion.

It has gotten better in some ways...when we were younger we took off several times and wound up in places that were NOT okay for us. So, at least we are glad of this that it seems not to be happening b/c of our co-consiousness.

. Thanks Fox, we hope we get lots of responses from other workers.
.

Originally Posted by Fox

I do fine with work for a few months at a time too. But I can't stick with the same job or I lose my mind. I'm very fortunate that I've been able to find flexible jobs that are willing to move me around to different departments or positions. Money is really tight right now with my new job since I ran out of stuff to try at the hospital that doesn't require extra schooling. Logically I know I have to keep working because it's good for me and keeps me from becoming a total recluse. But it's a real struggle too. I don't have the energy to work full-time. I exert a lot of energy with internal battles that I'm not aware of I just feel my energy being drained and I know something big's going on. Usually about that time is when I "wake up" somewhere else and not sure how I got there lol. I hope others have some helpful advice since I'm going through a similar fight as you. We're not just fighting depression but fighting ourselves. It's like a double blow.

[Hunny]

(((((((Wanttoheal))))))):

We pray you find some peace and balance and time for yourself, in all of these exhausting days.

Yes, working is a stabilizer for us too. I/we can say where we have been from this date to this date, even if we cannot say what we did on everyone of those days. Wiped out and unable to do much else is our experience, we just had to find a way to be human so ended up working contracts and permanent part-time. We also think you must love your graphic work, we a bit jealous and envious but in a good way. We still do what we have to.

Alone time has been essential but it make us fairly reclusive so it's a balancing act. Right now there are restrictions financially so we have few options.

Thanks, again!

Originally Posted by wanttoheal

I do struggle with working for sure. It also takes everything I have to maintain, whether or not I remember the day, and so by the time I get home, I'm completely wiped out. But, when I'm not working, I lose more track of days, months, etc.

I wish I had a solution for you Hunny. I do know that when I give myself time to heal from the day, I do much better than when I don't have that opportunity. I seem to need a lot of alone time but I don't always get it.

[Hunny]

Wpowers & Anderson, we are proud of you too, even though we don't understand 'proud'. We to exhausted to get it, I guess.

.

[Fox]

I'm glad I made sense. I'm never too sure since I tend to do a lot of babbling trying to sort my thoughts out.

I think I forgot to mention that I have a very understanding boss who sees that I'm starting to space out (apparently I space out before a switch is made or maybe it's during the switching?) and will send me to do stuff in the store room like bagging individual serving sizes of french fries (works at a cafe atm). It works pretty good for me when I'm getting overwhelmed and I can ground myself without an audience. Washing dishes helps too. They're simple tasks that don't require human interaction. I'm still around people but I don't have to talk to anyone or answer any questions. Now to figure out how to combat the panic attacks when filling condiments. My panic makes me cough and choke; can't be coughing all over ketchup! ew!

[krazy_phoenix]

You are all inspiring as you take your responsibilities in life and DID head on.

I'm at home permanently w two children and another on the way. But my working life prior to motherhood was mad to say the least. I call my alters 'energies', and three to four of them had their own jobs, usually simultaneously. So my day would be like this: start at 8am w one energy and finish at 5pm (office job - the professional, Abigail), then at 6pm another would start their job and finish at 10pm (struggling waitress - Jenny), then from 10.30pm to often 3 or 4am for the last job (nightclub bar staff - Jacqui). Bed, then do it all again. Saturdays and Sundays usually involved working in a different club or restaurant. I had little time off for about 5 years. Had a breakdown. Copious amounts of alcohol and cocaine involved also, and other jobs that I won't mention. Professionally, I was a cut above, an executive with all the modcons, living in inner city, and could do no wrong. My breakdown only really happened when my separate lives turned and started to collide into one another. Colleagues from day work started turning up at a restaurant or club that I was working at, not understanding the difference in me. The drugs were getting out of control and my night life began to interfere in my day life. Basically everything turned to ****. Despite, what is now extremely apparent, a long evidential history of DID reaching back to childhood and years of psychiatric care, I have only been diagnosed in the last 6 months and am still coming to terms with the diagnosis.

My work now is my family, my home - my work now is living and doing it well and in unison. My work now is surviving, after another breakdown. You all inspire me to think to the future, of going back and finishing studying (another energy - study, and work full time, plus a tiny baby, and I wonder why my body stops running sometimes!), and of one day working again.

Sorry for the long blab, thank you all for sharing and listening.
Stay strong,
kp

[wanttoheal]

(((((((((((((kp))))))))))))) Maintaining a home and raising children is no small feat. I did it for years. I wasn't until recently that I entered back into the workforce.

[Newly_diagnosed]

Nice to meet you as well honey.

we are also part of the cant keep a job group. we have had 8 jobs on the last 2 years. 3-4 months and we crash, littles get scared, or protector pissed off.

we are fortunate enough that we are able to stay home and work on us. Here in MN we do not qualify for disability or SSI due to my husband's income level. so it's not a problem now.

But the thing that has worked for us is we have become the temp agency queen. Employment agencies often have a hard time finding people working the 1-4 day assignment or short term work. Perfect for us DID'er that need change, can't handle stress, and new jobs will peak the interests of most of our parts.

I'm not sure if you can get insurance doing that. But at least it will put money in your pocket.

I hope this helps.

Thinking of you

[anderson]

No you are not alone the lngest we have ever kept a job was for 2 years and that was cause we could not find another job and we had to sopport our son. that was an extremmly hard two years on us. But we are gratfull for it. It allowed us to make the first few real friends we have go figure. Good Luck.

[WePow]

So far I have kept my job 10 yrs. But man, it has NOT been easy. I end up expecting to be let go after angry Mick acts out. I know they see it as me doing things - but I am watching her in as much horror as they are. And I am about as helpless to stop her as they are to stop me. :-( It takes all my effort to just be able to work and then more effort to force myself through the therapy healing process that hurts so much. Thankfully, I have a good report with my manager and with HR. And I have been honest about the DID and how I am doing. But I also know it is my responsibility to control me - in whatever alter is there. Uggggg

[Hunny]

I really think you make a lot of sense Fox on this matter and seem to have an action plan! If your boss recognizes your 'spaciness' it sounds like they are perfect for you in this regard in allowing you to go to a more quiet place and gather yourself together doing the more routine things.

It is very likely you could get some specific help on those condiments though, probably. It seems it's odd just for the condiments...but we will leave that to you.

Thanks again for your honest input. Here's hoping you can keep moving from this thing to that and keep interested.

.

Originally Posted by Fox

I'm glad I made sense. I'm never too sure since I tend to do a lot of babbling trying to sort my thoughts out.

I think I forgot to mention that I have a very understanding boss who sees that I'm starting to space out (apparently I space out before a switch is made or maybe it's during the switching?) and will send me to do stuff in the store room like bagging individual serving sizes of french fries (works at a cafe atm). It works pretty good for me when I'm getting overwhelmed and I can ground myself without an audience. Washing dishes helps too. They're simple tasks that don't require human interaction. I'm still around people but I don't have to talk to anyone or answer any questions. Now to figure out how to combat the panic attacks when filling condiments. My panic makes me cough and choke; can't be coughing all over ketchup! ew!

[Hunny]

KP,

Really appreciating everyone's input and yours is so valuable too! Over the years I have done many types of work and spent long hours too, especially when my current family was in high school and university.

Dragging myself home to bed and rising the next day and doing the same all over was max I could do. No time for friends, hobbies, school, nothing. Sometime the dishes didn't get done till the weekend b/c was like so exhausted couldn't force life and limb to do anything more...and they weren't even living at home then...thank God those days are gone. We had such a blow when our H got sick too, put us back internally but we trudged along and with grace of god got through.

Finding work/life balance has been like finding a special star and has made a great deal of impact on these latter years. So much starting to make sense around this.

Also, in the middle of things our dx came and we were glad to be able to have time to figure out our next steps in work-life and went back to school, for the third time full-time 14hours a day for a year straight, in our fifties.
But, now we faced with this new dilema, called aging *sigh* and the aging body requires more rest. Maybe it's good we share here so all can prepare in some way for this. Do take seriously this as it is like the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.

You are remarkable KP for all you have endured and we pray for you that you continue to have your lovely family and gentleness be on yourself.

Keep posting, it's lovely to hear from you. Thanks again for honest input :hug

Originally Posted by krazy_phoenix

You are all inspiring as you take your responsibilities in life and DID head on.

I'm at home permanently w two children and another on the way. But my working life prior to motherhood was mad to say the least. I call my alters 'energies', and three to four of them had their own jobs, usually simultaneously. So my day would be like this: start at 8am w one energy and finish at 5pm (office job - the professional, Abigail), then at 6pm another would start their job and finish at 10pm (struggling waitress - Jenny), then from 10.30pm to often 3 or 4am for the last job (nightclub bar staff - Jacqui). Bed, then do it all again. Saturdays and Sundays usually involved working in a different club or restaurant. I had little time off for about 5 years. Had a breakdown. Copious amounts of alcohol and cocaine involved also, and other jobs that I won't mention. Professionally, I was a cut above, an executive with all the modcons, living in inner city, and could do no wrong. My breakdown only really happened when my separate lives turned and started to collide into one another. Colleagues from day work started turning up at a restaurant or club that I was working at, not understanding the difference in me. The drugs were getting out of control and my night life began to interfere in my day life. Basically everything turned to ****. Despite, what is now extremely apparent, a long evidential history of DID reaching back to childhood and years of psychiatric care, I have only been diagnosed in the last 6 months and am still coming to terms with the diagnosis.

My work now is my family, my home - my work now is living and doing it well and in unison. My work now is surviving, after another breakdown. You all inspire me to think to the future, of going back and finishing studying (another energy - study, and work full time, plus a tiny baby, and I wonder why my body stops running sometimes!), and of one day working again.

Sorry for the long blab, thank you all for sharing and listening.
Stay strong,
kp

[Hunny]

(((((((((Newlydiagnosed))))))))))

Thanks for your honesty too. We have been able to keep work for 8 years and 6 years over the many years. Hunny is pretty old and things are just a little different with the economy these days. We have never let our littles out or our protectors at any place of work, at least so far but we have been exhausted fighting the fight at certain times. We also did some self soothing/harm by gaining too many pounds at times but that added to the exhaustion.

Lately though working straight for 5 days plus travel is killing us. We can barely move for the 2 days of the weekend. Some body pains and alters stretched to their limits.

Yes, we have done the temp thing too but the transitions are too difficult and we prefer to work contract and stay in one place as permanent part-time with some paid benefits. I think the work-force is allowing for more of those type positions now. They don't have to pay full benefits but they get a good, steady, realiable worker.

You may want to look into it. I have had two great contracts this way and would be willing to let you know how they are written up.

But as I say, as I age and the economy remains poor great fear comes upon me when alters are exhausted and one more day is so hard to consider. We up at 5:30 at work 8:30 to 4:30, home at 6:45. We not complaining about the hours just stating it's killing us.

By the way we recently joined OA to help us release this 50 extra pounds which we are sure is part of our problem.

ND, we are so happy you have found a happy medium for yourself and husband and we hope and pray life and work continues to be better for you and in 2010!

Originally Posted by Newly_diagnosed

Nice to meet you as well honey.

we are also part of the cant keep a job group. we have had 8 jobs on the last 2 years. 3-4 months and we crash, littles get scared, or protector pissed off.

we are fortunate enough that we are able to stay home and work on us. Here in MN we do not qualify for disability or SSI due to my husband's income level. so it's not a problem now.

But the thing that has worked for us is we have become the temp agency queen. Employment agencies often have a hard time finding people working the 1-4 day assignment or short term work. Perfect for us DID'er that need change, can't handle stress, and new jobs will peak the interests of most of our parts.

I'm not sure if you can get insurance doing that. But at least it will put money in your pocket.

I hope this helps.

Thinking of you

[Hunny]

((((Anderson))))

Supporting a person in your family, financially, emotionally, etc can be extremely hard and takes time to recover from not only the condition but all the things that go along with it all.

Glad you were able to keep you friends from the experience. We have kept a few from some of the places we worked to, not close but decent acquaintances.

Here is hoping you can find just the right thing for you too, in the days to come. For me the age thing is creeping in slowly but surely, but the plan is to work till the body is 90...that be quite a sight, sitting at that old desk...they'll have to poke me now and then to see if awake!. lol

Originally Posted by anderson

No you are not alone the lngest we have ever kept a job was for 2 years and that was cause we could not find another job and we had to sopport our son. that was an extremmly hard two years on us. But we are gratfull for it. It allowed us to make the first few real friends we have go figure. Good Luck.

[Hunny]

Wpowers,

Congrats on your ten years, Wpowers! I have worked many years at one or two places too. My favourite work was for about 12 years!

In all the years I was so repressive to all my alters that they never came out at work. It is part of what I did to survive. Guess I would just split and no one was the wiser. It wasn't till my children left home that the dam burst sort of and all the alters came spilling out one by one. It was then that I went back to school for the 3rd time.

Thanks for coming along side. There will likely be more like this old bird coming along with these same issues so I just feel I need to find out what they have done.

I believe all your efforts to get better and the fact that you have a great place to work who have made an effort to understand has made a difference for you. Do you mind if I ask you what type of work you do in what type of setting that they are so gracious?

Originally Posted by wpowers

So far I have kept my job 10 yrs. But man, it has NOT been easy. I end up expecting to be let go after angry Mick acts out. I know they see it as me doing things - but I am watching her in as much horror as they are. And I am about as helpless to stop her as they are to stop me. :-( It takes all my effort to just be able to work and then more effort to force myself through the therapy healing process that hurts so much. Thankfully, I have a good report with my manager and with HR. And I have been honest about the DID and how I am doing. But I also know it is my responsibility to control me - in whatever alter is there. Uggggg

[WePow]

Hunny, I work for an ISP that is very small and dedicated to schools and libraries. No commercial accounts like homes. So most of my customers are teachers and tech people in education. I have built up a wonderful report with them and that makes the company able to hold onto contracts. We have a very small helpdesk staff and I am supposed to be a senior lead or something - lol. I was kinda tossed into that title but did not want it. It was so odd because last Wed when I had my breakdown at work, even my customers were saying on the phone "Are you ok? You don't sound like you!" And I remember one customer really pushing the topic and my alter saying "I am an alter" !! My alters are very frank with the people in the office when they are out. But usually it is only my nurtering alter Elaine who comes out at work if I am spliting. She tries to be very nice and lets the boss know we are needing to step away a bit. So I think that being sincere about things does help.

http://www.servicecanada.gc.ca/eng/i...sability.shtml

[Hunny]

Wpowers, thank you for sharing. The reason we ask is to get ideas about what type of places work. Of course there are many factors and we understand that. It would be good to have a list of what types of work have been best for people, what type of employers, what type of hours, etc etc. Kind of a resource of information. Maybe there are some true threads running through some of these positions. It is obvious that the people at your work are tolerant and caring. Thanks again for sharing your care, concern and information. We are listening/reading really hard and putting some ideas together as we go along.

Originally Posted by wpowers

Hunny, I work for an ISP that is very small and dedicated to schools and libraries. No commercial accounts like homes. So most of my customers are teachers and tech people in education. I have built up a wonderful report with them and that makes the company able to hold onto contracts. We have a very small helpdesk staff and I am supposed to be a senior lead or something - lol. I was kinda tossed into that title but did not want it. It was so odd because last Wed when I had my breakdown at work, even my customers were saying on the phone "Are you ok? You don't sound like you!" And I remember one customer really pushing the topic and my alter saying "I am an alter" !! My alters are very frank with the people in the office when they are out. But usually it is only my nurtering alter Elaine who comes out at work if I am spliting. She tries to be very nice and lets the boss know we are needing to step away a bit. So I think that being sincere about things does help.

[Hunny]

(((( Sparrowstail ))))

Well, there are many things to consider and I thought you must have read our original post very clearly and in fact recognized the desperation of tone in the small question: "what have others done?"

I/we would have to do some huge contemplation, as most would, I suppose to consider these options. Really, living in a dream world of working till 90 is not good either so all of these options are necssary for looking into.

Perhaps this is my/our next hurdle or perhaps staying on the road we've been on is but whatever the case, we appreciate your input greatly as we look to this community as much as we do our family, Therapist and friends to make a wise decision.

From a seriously grateful Hunny.

[possum220]

I admire all of you who manage to work with DID.
You truly deserve very special medals..