i'm done

it's been two days since my mother once again blew me out of the water with her histrionic mind games. she has proven that she cares NOTHING for me whatsoever. it was the day after the one month anniversary of my father's death. i've not been well at all. she knew that. she did not care. she deliberately (for her own gain) sent me back into the past and danger. she once again (just like then) negated my feelings and as much as called me a liar. alot has happened in that time.

i've made THE decision. I'M DONE. she will never hurt me again. i no longer give her that power. i've taken it back. i've even written her a good-bye letter...one i'll never send because i'll have no further contact with her. it's not even hurting me this time. it's the right thing to do. the only hurt there is - is over the loss of the dream that someday, someway she might be able to care. i've given up that dream. it's over. i have purged her from my being. let true healing begin!

the baby will be fine. he will see her as often as she will get him. my daughter will be the go-between. i will give her NO reason not to be everything she can for that little man. she'll pull away from him soon enuf as she's done her children, her seven other grandchildren. i will make sure she has no cause to blame me for that.

finally, i called t about this today. i wanted validation that i wasn't doing this from a "bad place". he (and hubby) have both agreed that she has little to no conscience and i'm doing the right thing for me and ultimately for the little man (by taking care of myself). t helped me to devise plans to stay away from her and to prepare me that she will "pull out all the stops" to get to me. there can be NO CONTACT.

i feel alot of things, but i feel free mostly.

some of the children (and adults) will not understand this so i've enlisted hubby and daughter's help to watch us. i will try (with t's help) to explain to all that this is for the best.

let the healing begin. there already feels a sense of freedom inside. does that make sense?

thank you for listening.

much love,

kd

kd,

Your 'mother' is one of those people in which the word mother is purely a biological term and not one of any other meaning.

You sound stronger than you have in some time and I'm glad to hear your family (hubby and daughter) and your T are all behind you in this.

Your choices are ultimately for your well-being because if you're not well then taking care of little man becomes much more difficult.

Making this choice allows you to retain your power to use as you see fit instead of getting caught up in her bs games.

Total validation from here for you for seeing this as it is and choosing to set firm boundaries and have back up plans to ensure those boundaries are kept.

Well done!!! ((kd)) Your post sure did make sense.

much love back atcha!!
__zh

thank you (((((((((((((((((((zh)))))))))))))))))))) i feel stronger and more focused than i have in months. i really do. i was very dissociative and went thru a really bad time for the last six weeks. i've had alot of internal help though...even getting my house, bills and life organized and much easier for me to handle. good job, whoever!

yes, things feel much more managable and i feel much stronger. i WILL heal...to spite them if for no other reason. however, my main reason is because we deserve it

thank you, again!

kd

(((((((((((((kd)))))))))))))
that was a brave and strong thing to do. breaking off ties with "mother" is a really difficult thing. i did it once for about 3 yrs. she and i have a relationship that is different--sometimes--healthier on my side still dysfunctional on hers. my sons don't understand why things are the way they are until recently when she pulled one of her control/matriarchal acts. ahh said they, so this is what it was like?!
Anyway, you are much validated by myself and whom ever else is with me.
love wi

thank you so much (((((((((((((((((((((((((w_i)))))))))))))))))))))))

it's not hard this time. i think i gave her up emotionally a long time ago...

thank you again

kd

I agree, was very brave! I know it was hard but it is for the best. You have wondrous determination.
Love,
RM

Kimmy, You know I am in your corner. My maternal unit is as yours and I have spoken to her 2x in 12 years. When I have it was because I needed to see who she was again. Same old. I don't know if I could even let my family have contact with her. she is poison. It really hurts not to have a mother. But that woman was never yours and never will be.

((((((((((((((((((((KIMMY)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) with that said, please do watch for results of the baby visiting her also, if she no longer has you around, she may pick another target.

(((((((((((((((((((((Kimmydawn))))))))))))))))))))

i'm so happy for you that you feel free. It's hard but so much better to protect yourself for your sake and your kid's sake.
Sending love, peace , comfort, and praying for you.

Love,
kerria

i too have minimal contact with my mother (father too). it's for the best. i did go through a period of grieving the loss of an imagined relationship. i've now come to accept reality. one caution though--be careful about the "she will not hurt me." yes and no. for myself, i make choices and take the power back for my own life. but it does hurt and to some extent it always will. i accept this and try to not stuff that part away anymore. neither does it consume me. in other words, sometimes it's good to cry or whatever when those feelings arise because she has hurt you. for me it's dangerous to stuff or command my emotions gone. does this make sense? it sounds like you are on a healthy road. wishing you the best...

((((((((((((kimmy)))))))))))

It's good to know you have such wonderful support from your husband and daughter during this stressful time. Take good care of you so you can take good care of little man.

kimmy,i'm happy for you. some of us would have been better off if we could have "picked" mothers. i'm also very happy that you have the support you need to do this.

i agree with Sky about watching for signs that she might be carrying things too far with the little man....she probably will pick another victim...........love, pat

((((((((((((((((((((rhysmadison)))))))))))))))))))) have i told you lately how MUCH i APPRECIATE YOU? you are so kind and supportive. ty for that.

ty for the compliment. yes, it's hard. i was not a hard decision (not this time). it's not breaking my heart (it can't anymore). it's hard for mainly some children to give up on the hope that they'll ever have a momma that can truly care...

thank you again, friend.

kd

(((((((((((((((( ww )))))))))))))))))))) no truer words have been spoken.

i'm sorry that you know my reality.

kd

(((((((((((((((((((sky))))))))))))))))))))) thank you and so true. t and i have talked about that. i don't think i have to worry, though. she was semi-close to all of her other grandchildren when they were younger and then pulled away from them as she has everyone else in her life.

she will do the same to him, and will more than likely use me as the excuse AFTER she uses him as a pawn to try to get back some control over, and attention from, me.

i'm watching closely. thank you again.

kd

thank you so much (((((((((((((((kerria))))))))))))))))))) i realize now that we are worth protecting. it's a different kind of liberation.

thanks again

kd

((((((((((((((((catgirl))))))))))))))))))) thank you, and you're right. i just lost my father last month so he's no longer available in any way. my mother is now out of my life. t is worried that she will stop at nothing to get me back, and when she can't lash out viscously.

you used the same wording that i did. i wrote a letter to her taking back any power i gave her and to "purge" her from my being. it's not that black and white i know. however, it was a powerful experience. it was, and is, empowering.

thank you for sharing. i'm sorry you've gone thru the same. i wish you the best.

kd

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((wi)))))))))))))))))))))))))) thank you! yes, i AM blessed. that's what i choose to focus on

be safe,

kd

(((((((((((((((((((((pat))))))))))))))))))))))) thank you for the support, as always. yes, she will pick another victim and her resources are limited at her own doing. i'm watching closely, and unfortunately, am very hypervigilent as she sent me to "hell" and PTSD.

thanks again,

kd

((((((((((((Kimmy))))))))))))))
You have come so far in your healing process. You are such a dear friend. Thank you for sharing with us.

thank you so much (((((((((((((((wantto)))))))))))))))) i've come far, i understand. however, it feels crazier that i was before...

thanks again,

kd

kd,

Been having a bad time recently but had to come out to say " I'm so happy for you ", holding on to your power is very important. I understand what a major accomplishment that is!!! My heart goes out to you and my support.

You may have days like me, where there's a slip and some power is lost..... that's when you must take special care of yourself and lean on others, like your wonderful husband and daughter, and us here. I'm always just a PM away when, and if that should happen.

My father has been gone for 11 years and I'm just now distancing my mother's malicious, destructive power. I think it's good for you to be doing this so soon after the loss of your father. I wish you much inner strength and love for yourself.

You didn't repeat the cycle to the next generation, it's apparant by how your daughter is so loving towards you-- I truly commend you for that. You're a wonderful, loving woman--- don't let anyone put doubt in your mind!! -----No, No !!!!

Take care, wishing you peace,

Mandy