[kimmydawn]

those of you who know me, know me well. most of you know about the situation between the mother and i. it's been almost two weeks with no contact and, except for having alot of memories, it's not been hard. it's been good in alot of ways.

today, i had my daughter call over and confirm that she'd be keeping the baby tomorrow (i have t). she said that she didn't know. that her husband might be having tests tomorrow. he might have an aneurism. i realize what a desperate situation that could be with a man his age.

thing is...is it for real? one never knows with her. is it a ploy? i called my brother and he didn't know anything about it. however, he hadn't spoken with them today and they probably just found this out today being it's monday.

should i contact her? should i wait for test results and then make my decision? there are alot of things i can deal with in this world...being mean is not one of those. another point, with everything i'm going thru, would i even be of any help to her? UGH Ugh ugh! if this isn't a test from her, it's certainly a test from fate, God, whatever one may choose to believe. you can imagine i'm getting alot of feedback internally about how mean i am then to the other degree about **** *** she doesn't deserve you.

please give me your input? y'all have been so helpful and supportive to me in the past. i can't think clearly on this one. i'm leaning to no contact until i at least see t tomorrow...

kd

[MacD]

Kimmy, you said that your mother doesn't yet know if or what is going on w/her husbands health. Exactly what is there to be said or done until she knows something concrete. Besides, I admit that I would be interested in your mom's history (if any) of using potential health situations to manipulate you. Mine did it all the time...(i.e. "I may have cancer" - she didn't....."I may be dealing with some malignancy in my stomach----she wasn't...)
Just curious....and, for the record....why not wait until tomorrow.....

[kimmydawn]

(((((((((((((((((grace))))))))))))))))))))) good point which i haven't thought of yet (this just happened). she does have a history of that...anything from mental to physical self dx to get especially my attn. she did the cancer thing, the heart thing, etc. she will use other ppl's hard times to gain attn for herself as well. for instance, if i was doing badly (depression, etc.) she would ask why, take my reason, internalize it, and then it became her who was doing much worse than i. i have every reason to question this. i know that, but with so much going on internally, i need to hear other ppls good sense.

ty so much!

kd

[cat_eye]

I don't really have any advice to give (I'm sorry), but I can give hugs!

(((((((((((((((kimmy)))))))))))))))))

[kimmydawn]

((((((((((((((((cat eye)))))))))))))))))) i'm always for the hugs. they help SO much too, ya know

thank you,

kd

[Fuzzybear]

Well then, here are some more! (((((((((((((((((((((((((kimmy)))))))))))))))))))))))))

[kimmydawn]

ty ((((((((((((((((((((fuzzy)))))))))))))))))))))))

love ya,

kd

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
those of you who know me, know me well.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I know I don't fall in that category but I just wanted you to know I'm rooting you on.

Petunia

[kimmydawn]

((((((((((petunia))))))))))) i feel we've known each other for a long time. you're just easy that way and so am i. i think that's a good thing. i appreciate your rooting for me, and whatever you might say, should you choose to respond

thank you again,

kd

((((((((((((kimmy))))))))))))))
it's a tough one. i would hold out for tomorrow. you aren't being mean. you still need to keep yourself safe and maintain your boundaries. you are number 1 and must be selfish in your own care. kinda like the airplane safety thing that you have to put the air mask on you first before you help someone else.
as far as the concern for her watching your little man, maybe there is someone else that can do it tomorrow for your t time.
breathe in and exhale slowly and for several minutes. it usually helps clear my head if not put me to sleep...
white iris

[kimmydawn]

thank you, (((((((((((white iris)))))))))))

yes, the waiting for tomorrow is a certainty. the airplane comment is great to and applies here. i needed to hear that.

thank you again,

kd

It is hard for me to respond not knowing all that I should about the situation...but if you said to me right now..."Petunia you decide"...I would take you by the hand, sit you down, wrap my petals around you and say "KimmyDawn... wait until you see your T tomorrow."



Petunia

[kimmydawn]

((((((((((((petunia)))))))))))))))) thank you. the petals are extremely comforting. yes, i'm waiting until tomorrow. we need to talk to t about this. he won't tell me what to do, but he'll remind me of goals and possible consequence.

thank you again,

kd

[Hope4me2]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Kimmy}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I am rooting for you too.........take care

[kimmydawn]

((((((((((((((((((Hope))))))))))))))))))))))) thank you so much.

kd

[fgh]

hey i read lots about what you write here but still don't feel like i know you good if you know what i mean cuz it's different talking or writing all the time. i don't pay nobody no mind cuz what they do is none of my concern until i decide to make it then what i do is my business in how i fix it or feel about it and that's nobody elses mind too. you gotta do what you gotta do and quit worrying about somebody else cuz if i you and i can change who we are then we will and until then we are and do what we are and do, you know? i guess i am smarter than this but like i can care today, my t is proly upset with me and good for him. so you decide is what i'm saying and then be satisfied with what you did do and move on. it's only life you know? nona