[anderson]

Now we just had a conversation with one of the people that we do enjoy talking with. Now that we are integrating and sharing more memoirs the weight of those that clamed to want to protect us but still allow others to hurt is so hard for us to come to terms with.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
A couple of weeks ago a member of our church passed away. The fact that she had the right to choose to end the treatment and just accept hospice care. Started a debate in us. How can this woman have the ability to let go and be free. Yet those that know me so well can stop me from making the same choose are there to make sure that None of us succeed in taking the same path. To many of us this woman was more loved for the simple fact that this woman was allowed to seek refuge in the after life but Here This body and those that dwell within it can not seek the same refuge.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
We recited a quote that said the inquisitor has the right to decide if you live or die, for this person or people can foresee attempt of suicide and when seeking information these people can stop until the body can endure more without threat of lose of life.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Because of the fact that the people that we trusted not to hurt us with their hands still allowed those to hurt us physically we are having a hard time trusting them. We told one person yesterday that even though you did not hurt us, the simple fact that we have been asking for protection for the past God only knows for how many years. The simple fact that no one took the time to give us a safe place to heal and grow is what makes it so hard to take them at their word.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
We do acknowledge the fact that during the last time when we were trying to fully integrate that we had problems reaching a group of alters. For the simple fact that at that time we had no woman willing to hurt us the way that some have hurt us here. But the simple fact that even if the alter was willing to be sexually active with a female. How can a self respecting person find self worth form become a town crier telling others about what took place between this body and another alter. The simple fact that the woman that clamed to have the longest relationship with this body also started it during a healing ceremony. …. regardless of the pros and cons if those that kiss and tell, Why would any one of us want to continue the relationship. Unless that person had install fear in that alter to make it groomed to meet that person needs out of self protection or for our son protection.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Even here at the Aquaplex we still have to deal with those that clam certain things but at least those that we have to deal with may make our skin crawl but it is more from the lies they have told and what they have said to us to our face. Then the fear of them physically hurting us.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
We have people tell us to move on. Go to another town start over again. But when even our son tells us that no matter where we go it is still the same thing. Why should we think moving is the answer when we can not heal because that which makes us who we are will still be used against us.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
When we first moved here those that where aware of each other decided to make our stand to heal and grow. For us that meant that we would heal and allow the Great Spirit to bring that special person in our lives so that could have a second chance of having a real family. That we would be able to have children and have people around us not hold our blood line against us. This has been the inner dream that allowed those with in to endure all that we have endured. But the simple fact that what we had endured to keep our son safe is/was hopefully over with but instead it seems that there are those that still want to hold our past against us.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
So as you can see the inner trust issues are high. Our protectors are dealing with the fact that even with those that we trust not to physically hurt us but allow others to hurt us is a hard pill to swallow. When can you learn to trust any one if those that we feel comfortable with are not comfortable with us. Those men and women that we call Papa and Mama Bears are people that we feel safe with not to make sexually advances towards us. But because there are those that are telling them that we want that from them. It is not true granted there may have been a few alters that felt that in finding shelter from those hurting us. May have tried to find someone to keep us safe from more abuse. But now that we no longer need to keep our son safe none of us are looking for that kind of protection from the ones we call Papa and Mama Bears. WE just want it to end. The abuse, the feeling of not being able to make friends without others telling them to do certain things that hurt us. Life is complicated enough being a Multiple but when you have those that gain value in ruining another’s life just for the fact that person is different.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
But even to the that end . How do you tell a group of people that you want to trust. That You do want a new beginning but because the abuse and stress of others hurting you. That is what is making us keep our distance not the fact that we think that they will physically hurt us but the fact that each time we tried to make friends that some one hurt us to keep the inner walls up so that we could not heal until we made the choose to separate from other to help prevent the body from being hurt. There are those that are extending friendship to us here and now We only pray that like those here that understand that trust comes slowly even when we know logically that it is safe. The fact that we have been hurt so many times makes it hard for us to take things at face value from those around us.

[ruffy]

I truly believe that we suffer so that we can fully understand the suffering of others. To provide comfort, love and a refuge to the hurting, and to eachother, yes, even in the midst of our own pain. I dont believe we would have been given these disorders of ours if it wasnt meant that we could endure them to the end. No! Our lives have not been easy, and it hardly seems fair but we have been called out among the multitudes to bring help to the hurting and hope to the hopeless. Who can understand them better than we? Endure my friend!!!

[Hunny]

((((((( Anderson )))))))

Please overlook the psycho-babble...

http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=135927

I too wish I could keep this at the forefront of my:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/showt...98#post1335098

Thanks for the reminder.

Here is hoping that the wicked will fall into their own nets, while you escape to safety. Let's say that you don't get drawn into any of their bad stuff and that some greater protection will always be around you.

Hunny


.

Originally Posted by anderson

Now we just had a conversation with one of the people that we do enjoy talking with. Now that we are integrating and sharing more memoirs the weight of those that clamed to want to protect us but still allow others to hurt is so hard for us to come to terms with.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
A couple of weeks ago a member of our church passed away. The fact that she had the right to choose to end the treatment and just accept hospice care. Started a debate in us. How can this woman have the ability to let go and be free. Yet those that know me so well can stop me from making the same choose are there to make sure that None of us succeed in taking the same path. To many of us this woman was more loved for the simple fact that this woman was allowed to seek refuge in the after life but Here This body and those that dwell within it can not seek the same refuge.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
We recited a quote that said the inquisitor has the right to decide if you live or die, for this person or people can foresee attempt of suicide and when seeking information these people can stop until the body can endure more without threat of lose of life.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Because of the fact that the people that we trusted not to hurt us with their hands still allowed those to hurt us physically we are having a hard time trusting them. We told one person yesterday that even though you did not hurt us, the simple fact that we have been asking for protection for the past God only knows for how many years. The simple fact that no one took the time to give us a safe place to heal and grow is what makes it so hard to take them at their word.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
We do acknowledge the fact that during the last time when we were trying to fully integrate that we had problems reaching a group of alters. For the simple fact that at that time we had no woman willing to hurt us the way that some have hurt us here. But the simple fact that even if the alter was willing to be sexually active with a female. How can a self respecting person find self worth form become a town crier telling others about what took place between this body and another alter. The simple fact that the woman that clamed to have the longest relationship with this body also started it during a healing ceremony. …. regardless of the pros and cons if those that kiss and tell, Why would any one of us want to continue the relationship. Unless that person had install fear in that alter to make it groomed to meet that person needs out of self protection or for our son protection.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Even here at the Aquaplex we still have to deal with those that clam certain things but at least those that we have to deal with may make our skin crawl but it is more from the lies they have told and what they have said to us to our face. Then the fear of them physically hurting us.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
We have people tell us to move on. Go to another town start over again. But when even our son tells us that no matter where we go it is still the same thing. Why should we think moving is the answer when we can not heal because that which makes us who we are will still be used against us.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
When we first moved here those that where aware of each other decided to make our stand to heal and grow. For us that meant that we would heal and allow the Great Spirit to bring that special person in our lives so that could have a second chance of having a real family. That we would be able to have children and have people around us not hold our blood line against us. This has been the inner dream that allowed those with in to endure all that we have endured. But the simple fact that what we had endured to keep our son safe is/was hopefully over with but instead it seems that there are those that still want to hold our past against us.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
So as you can see the inner trust issues are high. Our protectors are dealing with the fact that even with those that we trust not to physically hurt us but allow others to hurt us is a hard pill to swallow. When can you learn to trust any one if those that we feel comfortable with are not comfortable with us. Those men and women that we call Papa and Mama Bears are people that we feel safe with not to make sexually advances towards us. But because there are those that are telling them that we want that from them. It is not true granted there may have been a few alters that felt that in finding shelter from those hurting us. May have tried to find someone to keep us safe from more abuse. But now that we no longer need to keep our son safe none of us are looking for that kind of protection from the ones we call Papa and Mama Bears. WE just want it to end. The abuse, the feeling of not being able to make friends without others telling them to do certain things that hurt us. Life is complicated enough being a Multiple but when you have those that gain value in ruining another’s life just for the fact that person is different.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
But even to the that end . How do you tell a group of people that you want to trust. That You do want a new beginning but because the abuse and stress of others hurting you. That is what is making us keep our distance not the fact that we think that they will physically hurt us but the fact that each time we tried to make friends that some one hurt us to keep the inner walls up so that we could not heal until we made the choose to separate from other to help prevent the body from being hurt. There are those that are extending friendship to us here and now We only pray that like those here that understand that trust comes slowly even when we know logically that it is safe. The fact that we have been hurt so many times makes it hard for us to take things at face value from those around us.

[WePow]

((((((((((( anderson )))))))))))))))))

I believe in freedom of choice. But I also understand that when a person is in deep pain, the entire situation is not fully understood. To have a choice means that one is aware of the entire picture and can be informed. Pain masks the truth of life.
Knowing this is what has allowed me to hold off on making an uninformed choice. And now that I am still alive and able to see a bit of hope, to experience joy for the first time ever - even though I had to work very hard to get to this point, well I am glad I did not make the uninformed decision.

[justdontknow]

((((Anderson)))) We understand how hard it is for someone to begin trusting again. We have the same problem. It is very difficult to trust anyone, whether they be worthy of our trust or not, after being abused so much. We have found that the only way to find out what someone will do with our trust is to try and trust and do everything in our power to keep us safe while testing out the unknown waters. It is something that we have not done very much because we have been burned so many times, but it is paying off. One of the things that we have found is that if we don't trust we are very lonely and scared and feel as if there is no support for us. This was not a good feeling. We needed others to help us and in order for us to do that we did have to start trusting. It was a slow process. The first person that we started trusting was our counselor. That was difficult and painful. He was a safe person to practice on though. During this process, he understood that we have been hurt so much and that it would take a while. We started out small and we didn't trust him very much. And we slowly started to see, he never hurt us or violated our trust. It has taken us a long time, about 9 months, to get to the point were we felt comfortable talking to him without questioning his motives or feeling like he would hurt us. We count ourselves lucky to have found such a wonderful supportive counselor that we could practice trust with. It seems like such a simple act, but for those lucky people who have never been abused or violated, they sometimes do not understand how hard it can be for us. We are here to support you, Anderson. We were so lucky to have found this forum. This is another great place to practice trust. We are so happy that you trust us enough to post problems or accomplishments that you have had. You have been a great inspiration to us and we appreciate your support. Practicing with us, here on the forum, may help you. We are proud of you Anderson for allowing us in to your thoughts and feelings, someplace we do not allow anyone into except our wonderful counselor. You have given us hope that eventually, we will be able to let others into our thoughts and feelings like you have. There is much strength to draw from here and we are grateful for it. If anything, please know that we appreciate you and if needs be please use that to strengthen yourself. There are two words that our counselor taught us. They have been invaluable: patience, yet. When we think that we are sliding backwards or we have come to an impass, he reminds us of those two words. When we went to a session and we blurted out that we were frustrated because we can't do things because of how much they hurt or because of our past, he never told us not to say can't because he understood that was how we felt at the time. If we tried and tried and were unable to do something, at the point of wanting to give up because we can't do it he reminds us that we can't do it YET. He reminds us that we need to be patient with ourselves and to keep trying because we can do anything that we want eventually. For those friends who would like to be close to you and help you out, if they are truly friends and truly want to help you out, they will understand/forgive your hesitation and be willing to allow you adequate time to be comfortable with the friendship. Just know that there are good people in the world, Anderson, and we have found some and pray that you are able to find some as well. In the meantime, remember that this is a safe place to come and find support and that part of your forum family here, us, back you 100%. We are sending good energy your way and safe hugs when ok. Hang in there.

Cris et al

[anderson]

Thank you for your surport.
Hunny, Those vedio had truth in them. There has been many times that we found value in our exspereance. For us it was the physcaly safety of our son. But now that he is of age it is hard on some of us to find value in the present abuse. It is not that we want to go to the after life but it has come to the point that all those that had accepted us are there. WE have tried everything that we knowto break through this glass ceiling has kept us prisner for many years. The bulk of our abuse has been done to us under the superstiton that we will never remember what they do to us. But we do remember maybe not in the way that we can proscute those that hurt us. But to bear the pain of known abuse and not have refuge from those that are willing to use it againts us is what we are dealing with. The good part is by coming here we are able to process the pain from that abuse and help heal those alters that feel like they need to still endure that abuse. Those here have given us hope and a purpose to live. The dream for us now is hopefull to get the same start of friendships in real world that we have recieved from those here. Thank You all for given all of us a chance to heal and grow.

[Hunny]

Anderson,

Believe it or not you have given yourself hope and reason to live!

Your son is a good in-real-life reason but he needs you as a mother less and less now. But, he still needs you.

The thing is when you share your wonderful insight, it is you helping you and also the rest of us read and for lack of a better way to put it kind of 'respect your wisdom'. So, I know you would do well in lots of other environments but the environment that you are in is the one, it seems, that you are comitted to at least for a bit longer.

Working through the '*&#$**#' those ones have plagued you with is part of it, I suppose. You can't change them, you must steer clear of them, especially physically. How can you work, play, rest when the thought of them constantly makes you feel so burdened? There is a place for Anderson for sure. Can you do some job search on your computer, as well as giving us a hand here on DD Forum? Dream about where that will be someday when you are free again. Dream big and bright, is my best guess. I will too and others too.

The dream of a life elsewhere will help sustain you, too. A place where you work and play and find some sense of 'a good life'! In the meantime, what can you do but find those ones who can see you and may be able to trust and maybe even build friendship with. What about we have a huge get together of all of us someday, in the warmth and sun!

The clouds will part for you someday Anderson and for all of us all here. We deserve to live a decent life. These one that kept us so bound by their atrocities upon us must not win.

The mansion will look quite amazing that day! It has golden steps up to it and the rooms are warm, cozy and plentiful and there is lots of blue sky and sunshine and safe, safe people!

But first we must take steps one day at a time to do the task of what we must do here. Here on PC, here in my and your everyday life and here in our minds, maybe first and foremost.

Hunny

Originally Posted by anderson

Thank you for your surport.
Hunny, Those vedio had truth in them. There has been many times that we found value in our exspereance. For us it was the physcaly safety of our son. But now that he is of age it is hard on some of us to find value in the present abuse. It is not that we want to go to the after life but it has come to the point that all those that had accepted us are there. WE have tried everything that we knowto break through this glass ceiling has kept us prisner for many years. The bulk of our abuse has been done to us under the superstiton that we will never remember what they do to us. But we do remember maybe not in the way that we can proscute those that hurt us. But to bear the pain of known abuse and not have refuge from those that are willing to use it againts us is what we are dealing with. The good part is by coming here we are able to process the pain from that abuse and help heal those alters that feel like they need to still endure that abuse. Those here have given us hope and a purpose to live. The dream for us now is hopefull to get the same start of friendships in real world that we have recieved from those here. Thank You all for given all of us a chance to heal and grow.