Wrote about CSA...

both in my journal and, as of 60 seconds ago, on the Survivors of Abuse forum. I'm almost ashamed, because to me it really doesn't seem "that bad"...I'm completely confounded (if that's the right word), because DID is supposed to come from severe abuse...and I don't think that's what I went through...Idk. Tell me what you think. Or don't. I'm gonna go have a panic attack...

((((( AtreyuFreak )))) All I can do is suggest that you look inside for your truth. I totally denied my own DID reality for YEARS after my first T said I was a multiple. I could not face the facts. In my case, it was from severe trauma. But that is just ME. All I know is that the only thing that helped me to find peace about it was for me to accept my own personal truth about DID.

Stay grounded and focus on just being in the NOW. Focus on self-care.
BIG safe hugs for you!!!

((((Atreyu)))))))
There no such thing as a mild harm. If it caused you to hide within then to you and your parts it was something you did not want to deal with. Regardless of what it was. In the Three faces of Eve , she could not stand looking at a dead body. In other cases it was being attacked by dogs , to having surgery, or even a dentist appoinment. Each of us have our own leavel of endurance to what we can handle mential or spiritual.
So please just look and ask inside for the answers you seek.
And regardless of how you want to call it you are still welcome here.

Severe trauma and abuse can be objective AND subjective. (IMO)

First off...abuse is abuse and there are no two ways around it. It doesn't matter if it "only" happened one time. To say that "it wasn't that bad", or to even think it, is a form of self invalidation and denial. It is a way for you to cope emotionally. If you can convince yourself it wasn't that bad, then you have more of a reason to be just fine. If you validate your experiences and how you were treated, that is a very concrete thing and means you have to fully admit to yourself that you were harmed...and that's a hard thing to do.

Now put into play that no one person internally processes and perceives trauma the same. What might roll off of one kid's back may completely devastate another. It doesn't mean the act or behavior was any less abusive, it just means that one child may have a higher resilience or "tougher skin", and/or there may have been different variables that changed their internal process such as genetics, gender, culture and race, environment, age...etc.

So what is processed as "severe" by one child may be processed as "mild" by another. Ultimately though, like I said, abuse is abuse...it makes no difference how the child processes it. It is what it is.

Take care.

((((Atreyu))))

Sorry it has taken me a bit to answer here but I did answer in the other forum or at least I did read. I know how you feel but the fact is that what hurt you and what made you have to go within yourself and have others step out is just that. No one has a right to tell you how bad or not bad abuse is. It is what it is and it happened to you and only you know how you could deal with that abuse.

What one holds true to themselves is truth. No one can sit and say what abuse has done. Until you walk in that person's shoes you do not know what it was like, and even then it effects different people different ways. We believe you no questions asked and no expectations expected. We accept you for you, the totality of you. What you went through was wrong and was never your fault.

When you are a child you are supposed to be loved and cared for. No one has the right to hurt you or anything. How could you do anything but what you did? How is a child supposed to have the mind of an adult to know how to deal with issues that are not a child's issues. So many times we just want it all to be fine, to go away. This is normal and who would want to look at what happened, it is painful and hurts.

When I was first diagnosed with DID I denighed. I ran from it and said I cannot be. I thought there was no way. Even up to three years ago, I wanted it to be not true. And I told my friend that if I was faking to call me on it. I cannot fake this and I cannot make it go away by saying it was not so. For they are have done for me what I could not do for myself.

I agree with what others have said about how one child may perceive something and another child may perceive it different. The fact is it was abuse and it was not right. And it was not the fault of either. You did what you did to protect yourself. And you did a great job. For you are here and you survived. Now you are trying to put the pieces back together and keep going. That is a testiment to your strength.

I am sorry you are feeling so bad and that anything happened. All I know is you are who you are and we accept you for you. We validate how you feel for I think we all have at some point tried to denigh or run away from or somehow make what we have gone through not so bad, when the fact is it was for all of us. We did whatever it took to survive. And what we did was a good thing and it took a lot of courage to keep going in the face of abuse.

Please know that we accept you for who you are and respect what you have had to do to get through it all. We are here for you and we care. Please take care of you and hold tight to your truth. Sending gentle hugs and loving thoughts. Always.

dps