[TayQuincy]

sorry i can't say it

[darkpurplesecrets]

((((TayQuincy))))

Just wanted you to know we hear you. It is okay to not say it. Know we are here and listening when you can. You are not alone and we care. Sending many gentle hugs and loving thoughts. Always.

dps

[TayQuincy]

thanks so much darkpurplesecrets. Maybe I will be able to say tomorrow. I'm scared no one will like me if they knew.

[Hunny]

((((((( TayQuincy ))))))))

When you can.

Hunny

[WePow]

Just remember that eveyone in the system is just trying to do what they think they have to do in order to survive. It is not an easy thing to do. Those with the most pain tend to act out the most. But without them, we would not have made it. Honor them and honor the work they did to help you.

[anderson]

TayQuincy,
Each of us has a part that we wish did not exist. But Like Wepow and the others said. Your are still welcomed here and we will listen to you when you are ready to talk. And Most of all we will not judge you or your alters. This is a question that I/We had to ask our selfs many time. Are we bad no, Do we have alters that do things that we wish that they would not do? Yes. But when you are looking at this alter ask your self what was happening to your body when this alter was created. What has this alter endured for you so that you did not have to exsperience it. So please when you think that this alter only brings you shame think about the gift of space from abuse that this part has given to you. And most of all learn the simple fact of all the shame of abuse is not yours but those that chose to hurt you to find enjoyment in your pain. That is where the shame and the responsibilites lyes not with you or your alters. Now is the time to learn that they do not have to do the things they did to keep from being hurt worst.

[pegasus]

Understand.

(((((((( TayQuincy )))))))))

[TayQuincy]

sorry once again

[TayQuincy]

feeling too ashamed for words...

[Hunny]

(((((( TayQuincy ))))))

I understand, sort of.

I understand the feeling of being bad and of feelings of shame. I just had an appointment with my therapist where I am working through these same feelings based on something a little different. I feel so 'bad'. I feel so much 'shame'. I get that the part saved my life. I get that and I want to say thanks but I just feel so gross. I get that I have put the issue 'on hold' till next appointment. I just don't like it at all. I really hate it. I want to get the icky feelings away from me but instead I have to say thank you to this part. Omg! Here I go again. Well, all of this to say, TQ you are not alone. That is about all I can share right now.

Maybe I should add that I am really having to do a lot of self care and love right now to kind of counter these feelings of being self punative...so I am watching a really funny movies and having a nice cup of tea and I'm even going to have a couple pieces of chocolate and oh, I have to, have to hug the stuffies, who are sitting right here beside me. I hope you have something self-soothing TQ...

Best Wishes,
Hunny

[bipolar_bear]

((((((((((((((((((((((TayQuincy)))))))))))))))))))))))) When you are ready we are here.

BB

[Hunny]

TayQuincy,

I am still holding onto these words by Anderson, spoken in love, to in essence, all of us. I am working toward living in love and acceptance toward this part for saving my life, I'm holding onto that hope. I am going to ignore the fear that tells me I am alone, that I cannot be accepted. I am the victor not the victim. Yes, I had to suffer and am having to suffer while I sort it out but those that harmed me actually are the 'bad' dark wolves. They meet their end with their maker with all the crimes they perpetrated upon those of us who were unprotected children, teens and young adults. I thankfully could split to protect myself. One of my mottos is 'to life'! No more fear. I am going toward love for myself instead of condemnation of myself. Self care, inner strength and a sound mind. Me and my god and supportive others are helping me to do this.

I support you TayQuincy and I accept your parts here and if another protector had to come I accept that protector too. It's okay, it's is fine you and I are fine and anyone else too. When I was neglected and abused as a child there were protectors, that came internally and when help didn't come externally at that point there was a pattern established and new protectors came until finally the right help came by way of a caring, concerned, kind and knowledgeable therapist. There is a way out and I pray you can search till you find some help TQ.

All the Best,

Hunny

Originally Posted by anderson

TayQuincy,
Each of us has a part that we wish did not exist. But Like Wepow and the others said. Your are still welcomed here and we will listen to you when you are ready to talk. And Most of all we will not judge you or your alters. This is a question that I/We had to ask our selfs many time. Are we bad no, Do we have alters that do things that we wish that they would not do? Yes. But when you are looking at this alter ask your self what was happening to your body when this alter was created. What has this alter endured for you so that you did not have to exsperience it. So please when you think that this alter only brings you shame think about the gift of space from abuse that this part has given to you. And most of all learn the simple fact of all the shame of abuse is not yours but those that chose to hurt you to find enjoyment in your pain. That is where the shame and the responsibilites lyes not with you or your alters. Now is the time to learn that they do not have to do the things they did to keep from being hurt worst.

[TayQuincy]

thank you Hunny for accepting me even when you know what I wrote before i deleted it. (((((hunny)))))

[Jewels]

Dear TayQuincy,

there are things in all of us that are more desirable than others. i know in my collection we have a room, more like a house, that is just for the walled off ones, those too evil mouthed and evil to allow out. and we have a few that arent in that room that are not so great at being at peace with people, they are downright rude at times...but people accept them for who/what they are, knowing that they must have gone through some pretty rough times to be so angry and upset all the time. why, there was a time when i didnt feel so loved an sad an thought nobody would like me either...but when i started sharing and didnt act all nicey nice but was myself...i found that i was accepted for who i was...and they still do...and they accept the others for who they are too...so dont ever feel like you arent wanted or accepted...because you are...ALL of you...so dont be afraid to be who you are ever...

jewels

[Hunny]

The out come of being abused in a bathtub, was to not want to have a bath...at the time it didn't seem wrong or bad. The parents couldn't understand me nor could I. After continuing to split the baths came back but not for one part of me. Self-care was impossible for that part. It was a shameful feeling. Parents couldn't understand because they didn't know. It takes time, sweetheart TQ. It's all okay to take as much time as you need.

Hunny

Originally Posted by TayQuincy

thank you Hunny for accepting me even when you know what I wrote before i deleted it. (((((hunny)))))

[Elysium]

No bad parts....

Just misunderstood ones.

[anderson]

TayQuincy,
Thank you for coming here and letting us know that we are not alone. May we help you like you help us to heal.

[TayQuincy]

Originally Posted by anderson

TayQuincy,
Thank you for coming here and letting us know that we are not alone. May we help you like you help us to heal.

Thanks for letting me know that i'm not alone. I am finding some compassion for my little girl part....

[Hunny]

TayQuincy,

That is so nice. Well done!

Cheerio,
Hunny

[krazy_phoenix]

Reading thru the thread, saw hunny's comment re: bath. For a long time now I've heard children screaming when I shower (and vaccuum believe it or not). Don't know why, just do. Sometimes louder and more urgent than others. Sometimes not at all. Weird and disconcerting. Have told T's & they have given distraction techniques so I don't get caught up in it & can continue having good personal hygiene (which got effected along the way). Things are better using distraction. Can shower when I 'have' to now. Now also have a bath in new house (don't hear screaming in bath but see bath as self-nurture which then carries other issues, etc etc etc), but didn't have a bath tub for 10 years.

Don't know why I'm writing this. Sorry for thread interruption everyone.

TQ, shame is given to us by others, via judgement/action/words etc. Whatever shame you are holding was given to you by someone else. I hope you can one day be free of it. All the best.

kp

[anderson]

During our study of the different religions one of the truths that we learned that is when a being has the right to be it no longer acts out of fear or anger. But it is not until that part finally accepts itself and is accepted by those around it that it stops acting out of fear. Love and compasion is what is allowing our different parts to heal. Unlike most outsiders you can not tlie to these parts for they know how each one truely feels about the other. but in the light of love and acceptance all most everyone learns to co- exist with each other. Good luck and safe hugs from all of to all of you.

[darkpurplesecrets]

((((TayQuincy))))

We all have parts that are there for a reason. Parts that hold things that otherwise we would not have been able to go through. I think that calling those parts bad are really hard on us. Those parts had to do the job of holding those feelings and things that we were never allowed to have or feel. If we would have allowed those things to be it could have been worse.

Those feelings that we have were walled off and had to go somewhere. The angry and mean parts of myself are important and they play an important part of my being able to be who I am. All people have things they are not proud of, feelings that come out and are felt because of different things we all have gone through. It is just that some were able to feel those things without recourse.

For us we tucked them away until it was safe enough for us to even know we had them. Many times they act out out of frustration or not knowing what else to do. Until we listen to that part or parts of ourselves how can we understand or get to a place where we can feel it like any other person is able to feel.

It takes time and the willingness to see and understand that it is normal to have those feelings and if you did not have them then I think I would be asking why? But it does not make them bad or anything just a part or parts that need to be heard like any other part we have.

Allowing ourselves to feel maybe for the first time is scary. It is not okay to allow them to attack or do things that would hurt you or someone else. Finding a way to release those feelings in a safe and yet understanding way. But recognizing them and telling them that you understand that they have the right to feel that way and that they did a great job in holding those things for you is important.

I know it is hard and I know for us, we still have not really gotten to the place that we can allow those feelings to come but we know they are there. We have at times touched those feelings and parts that hold them and it is scary. But in time we will be able to allow those feelings to come also.

Know that we are listening and we care. Hope this made some sort of sense. Sending gentle hugs and loving thoughts. Always.

dps

[TayQuincy]

Originally Posted by darkpurplesecrets

((((TayQuincy))))

We all have parts that are there for a reason. Parts that hold things that otherwise we would not have been able to go through. I think that calling those parts bad are really hard on us. Those parts had to do the job of holding those feelings and things that we were never allowed to have or feel. If we would have allowed those things to be it could have been worse.

Those feelings that we have were walled off and had to go somewhere.

Darkpurplesecrets, the little part did hold things in, was scared of losing control. Then she just lost control. Now she urinates inappropriately and that is the release of the feelings that can't be put into words. I shouldn't yell at her, she isn't bad, only scared, hurting and angry. But still shame because of those actions.

[darkpurplesecrets]

((((TayQuincy))))

I understand and I know it must be hard to deal with that. I am so sorry. But that is her way of letting go what she cannot seem to say in words. KNow that we care more than you know and are here for you. If you ever need or just want to PM me I will answer and listen. I do understand what you are saying and I do care so much. Sending many gentls hugs and loving thoughts. Always to both you and that little part.

dps

[TayQuincy]

thanks dps, i appreciate your caring and understanding.