Trying to hide from myself

I've realised that this is what I am trying to do.
I'm trying to blot out my pain, ignore it. I have a great range of diversion tactics. My question is, should I be doing this or should I be working more on facing up to stuff? My counsellor has told me to focus only on positive memories for now, take a break, enjoy my holiday (we go on Thursday). My dr told me to take it easy for a bit. I know I have "seen" a lot of stuff that I had buried for ages, or even not known was there. But I am scared. I'm scared because I know I onlly have 5 counselling sessions left now (i'm in UK... let's just say things are "different!") and I want to make the best use of them I can. I'm scared because I am very critical of myself and I wonder whether I am just running away from stuff. I'm scared because in less than three weeks i will be back at work (I teach) and I don't feel remotely ready for that...
Anyone got any suggestions?
Caroline

the UK stinks


lucy

I don't know anything about the UK but 5 appointments stinks. I don't know what to say. I guess follow T's advice if you trust him/her.

i would say yes to take a break...but i also agree that you have been hiding from yourself. and the only problem with that is it blocks shula and elsie and baby from you. that makes you tired and frustrated and sick feeling, from what i've seen. so i would face yourself enough to be able to open the paths up between you guys again... and i would try to help each of them funnel away the bad stuff for now, until you can better handle it.

((((((((((((caroline))))))))))))))

-shadow

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Fuzzybear said:
the UK stinks


lucy

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You're right in some ways, Lucy. But I also know I am lucky to have had this much.
Caroline

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place said:
I don't know anything about the UK but 5 appointments stinks. I don't know what to say. I guess follow T's advice if you trust him/her.

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Thanks, place. I will have had a total of 8 appointments - I've had 3 already.
I really trust my counsellor, so I think you are probably right and I need to follow her advice.
Caroline

Thanks shadow. Good obeservations and suggestions, as ever.
Caroline

8 appointments?

Sorry, but in my NSHO that totally sucks.

that was the most I was offered as well. I feel that it would open up a can of worms in my case and maybe make me "worse".

The "kindly" shrink said a similar thing.

GGRRRRRR,
Fuzzy
(and lucy)

Yeah, I guess so.
I'm trying to see as many good points as I can but it doesn't feel like it will be enough to me.
Caroline