She and I, but not 'we'

Hi,
I am new at this forum.
According to my therapist I am 'a little' dissociative (ddnos, not did). It causes me to react strangely or differently in certain situations, but not so that i don't remember my reaction or what I did. I know I react strangely but I cannot interfere, it's like I'm at the background and watch things happening (she takes over), without being able to react.
But it does not feel as if I can speak about 'we'. It's more 'she and i'.
Do you all feel like 'we', as I read in your threads? Or are there also people with ddnos here, with a dissociative disorder that is more internal than external (words of my therapist)? And feel more like 'me and the other part'?
I'm still very confused about it all and would be very glad if anyone could understand this feeling. Thank you.

Welcome to Pc my dear,
I would love to know you better I understand how you are new the the DD world,
There are people here that are DDNOS jsut like you. A lot of us here are DID not DDNOS that is one of the reasons we use we and not listing the names. Also many of us have grown use to it and it is easyer because we have more then one other because we are DID. Even some of use use just I. It is ok to feel just the way you are all you have to do is to learn how to live with it and heal. To make your self have a better life,
I wish you the best Pm us anytime
Lavender

I am integrated so its all one person point of view (I did this, I did that, Im going to do that, let me do this).

Before I was integrated it was still the one person point of view because I was not co conscious with most if not all my alternate personalities. I heard the voices but was unaware that they were the voices of my alters. When I was an alter if the alter was conscious of the existance of other alters sometimes they talked in single person and other times in plural. I also had alters that talked strictly in the plural because they were conscious of the existance of the other alters and me.

Hi,
thanks for your answers. Could you say that it goes like this:

1/ you know nothing about alters, so it's I
2/ you know it, but it still is 'she and I'
3/ you know each other, so you can say 'we'
4/ You get integrated, so it is 'I' again

??

How did you get integrated? That sounds scary.
Still terribly confused....

Confusion is normal, Even more so since we live in a world where single minded people are normal but to survive that which we have. That plural is normal for us. Just keep posting all of us have walked a similar path but each of us have found our own way of walking it.
Safe hugs from all of us to all of you!

yes it can be that way for some people and for others there could be other ways. some people say "we" even though they have no idea they are DID, have no co consciousness between the alters and between the alters and host (person in which the alters live)

the way a persons "system" is within them is whatever they needed to survive. A "system" is all the alters inside a person, how those alters came to be, what they know, what they remember, and how their "heirarchy" or leadership is. Each persons system is set up differently to best suit their problems, history of abuse, triggers, what their own abilities are for coping with their life.

for outsiders (people that are not me and my alters) like my partner, friends, family to understand what it feels like, its like what you would feel if someone told you, you have parkensins would feel like.

first when you are told you have it. it feels scarey to suddenly realize you have a disease / disorder. but then when you finally get it that nothing has changed, you have been like this all your life you calm down and start trying to figure what that disease disorder is and what is the treatment for it. then you go through treatment. the treatment you go through is individualized according to what the person with the disease /disorder needs in order to better their life, allieviate their symptoms and solve their problems they have because of the disease / disorder.

the way I got integrated may not be the way Sandy, or Jake or kim or orin get treated and integrated. Some people with DID can choose whether they get integrated others cant choose, it just happens as a result of their treatment.

I got integrated through years of therapy work with my therapist working on my triggered, repressed memories, learning to use appropriate coping tools to deal with my life, triggers, memories without using dissociation, learned how to self nurture (calm myself down and take care of what ever the problem is that is causing me a problem), medication for my depression and anxiety problems, therapy group for my depression, therapy group for my anxiety, therapy group for my DID Dissociation problems, learned how to deal with my life as an adult instead of react to my life like a child would, working on my every day problems with my therapist. As I became healthier mentally it just happened in a natural way.

Welcome,

Your logic is pretty good, however you may want to consider changing 4.
4/ You get intergrated, so it is us. You both may function as one.

Right now you know of her. You both can learn to feel each other and know what the other thinks. You both can also learn to work together. If this happens, the result may be an inner peace you are not use to. It is normal to be confused when learning about this, so ask all you want. People try to be helpful here.

Verba, I was told that I had a "splintered personality". I had been aware of 3 of me in my dreams, for years. I am not familiar with DDNOS or what it stands for or what it is. I know what DID is.
I was not aware that one or more of the 3 of me were coming out while I was asleep...I sleep walk... until my husband had a run in with one of them while I was asleep. I had never told anyone about the "Tiger Lady" or the "Little Girl".
I am one when things are good. But when I am having trouble I am 3 and use "we".
Two weeks ago I had an encounter where I was talking to my husband about some trauma in my past and triggered myself...while we were in the truck, on the way to town. I had something happen in my head, like a huge explosion without pain. I saw white light, got very dizzy and had trouble gettign myself back together. When I got leveled out, I could see everythign going on, I could respond and react, but was not able to talk. I could answer yes and no but not converse about anything in detail. I was silenced. I could feel my face, but the rest of my body was numb. The emtional feeling was that of a child sitting on a river bank with my feet dangling in the water with a feeling of, "la..la..la...lala..la..la.." There was peace adn tranquility...no anxiety or anything, but I did not feel like myself. This continued until we were in the truck on the way back home, then it was gone. Faded like a mist over the water. It scared me and made me feel very odd...I had never had that while awake.

Thank you all so much for your reactions. It's very helpful for me.

Amandalouise, i am really impressed by all the things you did in therapy. I have a looooooooooong way to go...

Reg12, I know what you mean by inner peace. If I manage to communicate with her, which is still difficult, especially to get in touch or to find her, it is so comforting, and indeed, a deep inner peace. Those moments are so special, but I cannot explain it to anyone - well, you guys clearly understand! That is great!

And nupoet 64, that encounter you describe sounds like my first finding out about her - something like an explosion in my head, seeing myself fall into pieces and then her emerging... very very strange. But it felt good, what made it even stranger...?