continuation of same but different....

(((zh)))
reading with interest. you are progressing and it is impressive. we on the other hand...

zh - I hope you find whatever it is you are seeking here....... or elsewhere. I won't attempt to guess what that is, as I have so many of my own issues to deal with ..... it is hard work, as you know, working to heal .... and with many potholes for the unwary or unaware

good luck in your search for finding happiness, (or whatever it is you are looking for)
Fuzzy

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
reading with interest. you are progressing and it is impressive. we on the other hand...

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> oh w_i you have progressed....perhaps you weren't feeling it at the particular time you wrote the post?

to reread thread today is odd as much is disjointed and confusing in this here and now.

the unrelenting stressors haven't really changed much from whatever was posted in thread in general.

it is middle of night or early morning depending on perspective. not good to be awake at this hour....doesn't bode well.

due to survival denial lately much has been ignored as that has been way of keeping upright and going.....but the cost of ignoring this time came with collateral damage. not so innocent bystanders...oh to bells hells.....family knows how to push buttons like no other.

the on again off again therapy this year may have been its undoing. circumstances beyond control of either therapist or client came about. now that some circumstances have changed others have shifted radically in the opposite direction.

if seeking out new therapist we will be able to do that...won't be easy.....and won't be activity we undertake with any pleasure or joy. the different perspective for healing may be good but the foundation that was so delicately being laid was THE anchor in life whether or not we wanted to cop to it.

now that we are w/o anchor we drift. add family and voila instafight! screaming on the hour, every hour, with bonus backtalk from sib and invalidation from parental unit.

kill us now and end this miserable insanity. if only that were a solution instead of a dramatic and morbid thought.

the "shoulds", which we've done much work to counter with coulds, have taken hold with "should be happy", "should be grateful to have what we have", "should swallow feelings and suck it up and get on with family visit....being lucky to have family", "should be better person to parental unit who raised us", "should be able to have handle on all this by now and be able to control emotions enough to pass"....

obviously this time the shoulds won and the coulds are dead dreams.

BOING! just now made connection as to why awake at this hour....benzo yesterday during peak stress affected sleep due to induced nappage from said benzo. ah....that's small comfort but does help as this particular benzo isn't liked by any yet is part of emerg. plan. glad doc keeps rx to date and that we've overcome most of the don't wannas when needing to take this medication.

small comfort. in a different place many years ago we'd have poured a solution at this wee hour. now we think ah not good idea. instead needing to arise at decent hour we'll split the nonfavourite benzo and hope for four hours but be happy to get two.

((((((((((((((zh)))))))))))))))))

I'm sorry that something happened to take you in the pit of hell. I am willing to take you hand to take you out of there.

Know that someone care for you very much and that someone is me.

Love you!
Time0 has always time for you.

hi

glad i decided to check out the forum. thank you thank you thank you thank you................................................................
i'm not going to get all mushy, not into that s---. i am so glad you posted. plese keep posting!

i try to read and post regularly, but being dyslexcic makes i tough. it takes several hours to read and post stuff. i've been jounaling for a while too. never thought i'd ever do that, but it helps a lot, so i do. one time i gave it to the t and left. said i didn't feel like talking out loud, and that it was the only way he was going to get the truth out of me.

i too have post it's and notebooks all over the place. i don't know which book to take to therapy,( if i can find one.) it really creeps me out to read my posts. the only way i can tell it is mine is by the name it's posted under. same thing with the journals. lots of different handwriting. that creeps me out too. now, the t wants me to "map out" my alters. i'm trying, kinda.

i live out in the boonedocks too. if your dog sticks his nose up a skunk, forget the tomato juice. it don't work. you just end up with a pink stinky dog. bathe with dawn soap, and douse him with frebreeze every hour. you no it's bad when your dog can't stand the way he smels.

know what you mean about the dx. part of me couldent believe it and kept trying to prove them wrong, only to get opposite results. part of me was so realived. i finaly had an answer to all the weird s--- that was happening. i just thought i was a complete failure at life. love hate relationships, not wanting kids. i couldn't take care of myself, and didn't wan't to be selfish bringing a life into this god forsaken place. ( unlike some people we knew )never been able to keep a job. thought it would be easier when i sobered up, but it's only worse.

it's a good thing i have talent. i'm an artist. a pretty good one. now i know why my style kept changing so drasticly.
anyway, geuss i've told you enough about myself. i hope you keep posting. your posts are like a beacon in my world of dark confusion. thanks.

benny

Benny,

been a long time since posting this but saw your name in the forum recently and wanted to thank you for this post. (what's ten months to a dissociative person anyway! )

there's so much more to say, ask, respond to but we're on the way out the door at moment.

hope you stick around for a bit as we'd like to hear more of what you have to say. plus your art rocks!!

thanks again for the encouraging words. DID can be terribly lonely and confusing. thanks for helping make it slightly less so.