Going through some changes......

WE needed to take some down time from here. There are so many blessing being in an apartment. We now have a buffer from those that have hurt us in the past. But in truth we are still dealing with the grass is greener on the other side syndrome.
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At church we were speaking up for a peace pole dedication and some one come up behind us and we got scared. The little ones came right out and said that we were scared and it took a moment for those within to get back on track. But we did it. We just wanted more children activities at the event.
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We are not doing the stephen ministry at the moment we did not get to do the membership so we still can not do some church activities. The nays win and we are dealing with some present abuse issues so we had to bow out without a fight. We can do only so much when we do not have that many people willing to accept us as we are.
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Those within are still so grateful for those there that accept us that it not until we leave that we feel the pain of those that do not accept our help or are willing to let us participate with the other activities.
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In truth our main social activities is here and at the church. Because of the severity of what happen to us before we got into the apartment we are somewhat lost at what to do at the moment so please know that we are still thinking of those here even as we readjust to what our lives are turning into.
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So for now we are still living from day to day living on grace wondering why us and what the heck did we do to make others treat us the way they do? Just keep us in your thoughts as we to are keeping those here in ours.

(((((((( anderson )))))))))

I'm so glad you have somewhere to live now, though it is stressful moving to somewhere new. Please forgive me if I have missread information. I am pleased you are safe.

You all are so caring and wonderful! It amazes me also how those that are so caring also seem to be an easy target for those that take pleasure in abusing others. I'm sorry that is happening to you. Keep up your strength!

Anderson, you are brave adn strong. I have faith that you will find the balance needed to help yourself adn others. There are just some people in this world that we will never understand and they refuse to grow adn change. We cannot control them, we have to find a way to keep faith adn hope alive in spite of them.....wishing you many safe and warm hugs in your new safe home. I am proud of you.... You are a true warrior spirit!!

Today we are getting what is left from storage and taken it to our apartment. We are slowly getting more comfortalbe there but some within where really scared the last time we thought we found safe housing we had been hurt. The hardest part for us is the waiting to gain security that we will not be hurt here like we had at the other places.
We hung our cross-stiches and put our things out so that it is slowly becoming ours instead of someone else rooms. We even put a list together and asked for some more items so that we could create group space that like to do the same things. Now we have a safe room and the dalmatians do not have to be affaird at night.
The second night was hard on us they kept switching and crying it was not until we had a dream of a couple of papa bears sitting with us that they calmed down and let an adoult out. It was loud and scarry for all of us but we think that they all are feeling safer now. we sleep on both the couch and bed through out the night to let them learn that no one is coming in to hurt us.
We hope with the rest of our personal items that they will feel safeer and calmer sooner. We are coming here when we hope we are not switching to bad but we gain so much just by reading here it helps us not to feel so alone.

(((((((((((((((((anderson))))))))))))))))

(((( (((( (((( ((((Anderson)))) )))) )))) ))))

With love and understanding I offer you my support and gentle loving thoughts. So happy that you have found your own safe haven, a place where you can all begin to feel safe and secure,

Rhiannon

I am so happy for you, Anderson. I know things will settle daown soon. Change is hard, even good change. But it is wonderful to have your own space...much support adn admiration..

It is now Saturday morning about 1:30. We are doing better the Dalmatians are less afraid of being hurt again and we are starting to talk with other people in the complex. … … The people here are alright most are calm and are just young families. We enjoy the kids the most we sit and just watch them play. The kids here are safe and secure. Which is what is helping us so much to feel safe here.
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We got told that we are nesting. We put up the things that we had after we washed the walls. There are a couple of place that help new home owners with stuff so we are going to them too. The apartment is feeling more like a home to us. WE got something on almost every wall and shelving space. Our dream is if one of our friends with video comes over that we can put it up here on pc world this is the first home that we had with all utilities in a long time so to us it is something to brag about .
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We are still looking for certain things for our special needs alters but just the fact that we have something for almost each group is making it easier for the different groups when they come forward it is not such a shock for them being in an apartment and not being hurt is something that we have not had since the early 90’s. It feels weird but so far we don’t think we had any more loud moments from server traumatized alters coming to the surface.
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… … There have been a couple of people that we talked with that we are still dealing with the emotions that we have near them. They are the ones that helped us get back together or recover from present abuse but did not give us shelter from it. We finely told one person that “ You honestly believe that all the good you did concealed out the pain of the times that we were hurt by your negative choices? Your wrong! It only made the pain we felt from those choice even more painful for the simple fact you let us know by them that you only cared conditionally. “ … …
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It has only been in the last year that we can count on our hands the people that stood by us and helped worked through our fear of abuse. Where the T community just said that we were in a manic or drug induced paranoid state. These men and women saw us for what we really are and started to give us what we needed to heal. This apartment is the true changing point for us. It gave us a chance to find safety with people that truly did not have the need to use our pain against us and helped us heal.
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Our pastor was also a big help for he let us have pastoral counseling when we need to talk in a safe manner. He is a war vet so he understood where we came from without going into all the bad details we were able to stay in the emotions instead of the gory details which allowed those with in a chance to voice our fears with out exposing to much. He is going to our T appointments with us until we can find safety for all of us with the T we have. That is one of the terms of us keeping the apartment is having a T so we hope he is able to go with us until we all feel safe with her. We told her that we need to feel like she is able to accept us for what we are not what the past T wanted us to be for the sake of ??? Oh well we hope this one is truly different and will give us the help we need to get back on soc. Security and most of all a service animal so we no longer have to depend on other people to keep us safe. We hope a dog will help cut down our public panic attacks … …
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We are just taking it day by day and hope that those around us will take us for who we really are instead of the rumors that Lies A Lot put out about us. Just the fact that we are able to make the apartment a home for all of us is a big difference. We were reading about the medicine of the turtle and we got some insight about ourselves. For the last ten years we tried to prove ourselves to being able to do things but those that could not accept us out numbered us. So in a way for ten years we have been swimming up river. Now that we finely accept the fact that as long as there are people that enjoy using our fear against us just to prove that we are not able to do things. We are no longer fighting this current we are finding a way that we can find a few people that will accept us and still provide for our basic needs. So today we are walking with Mother Turtle and hoping that all with in will learn from here wisdom. Now that we are learning to stay in our so called “Proper Place” we are hoping that the abuse will subside and that we are able to enjoy the next couple of years with our son before he moves on. and from all of us.

.....I share those feelings....
.....I started bouncing around.....here and there....homeless...
.....since 96'...........

I've been in this place for 21 months now.......
Eventhough I stood and faced a lot of crap from others.....
I was always thankful......for life.....

I was always thankful for running water....
......hot running water?.....thats an extra blessing!!!!

...and there's a chance....I may have opportunity....to purcahase a house in the near future......we'll see............

......but....I faced alot of crap..........internal and external.......

............your friend............sparrow..........