I don't think i can do this any more. i feel so lost and so on my own, so scared. one of the two people I have trusted with most of the truth of what is going on for me may not be with me any more. I have lost someone i considered a close friend who has (partly due to the manipulations of other people) let me know that she hates me. i feel alone and scared and i don't want to be like this it is too scary.
I have a feeling of being isolated in inky darkness but aware of myself and the blackness surrounding me. it is too much for me.

[kimmydawn]

i'm sorry this has happened. it hurts; that i know.

what you need to remember and concentrate on right now, is what you DO have...other friends, a wonderful family, a t who cares, a dr who cares, and possibly another specialized t! please concentrate on that right now. i know it's hard.

if you don't feel like you're safe, you should call t?

kd

the only people who know fully what is going on, the only people i can be honest with, are my Gp and my T. My T doesn't feel she can help me and she is going to be away for a month. my gp is so busy i can't call him between appointments just cos i am worried. my family are great but i can't worry them. i can't tell my friends irl because i don't know how they would take it and anyway i am not sure i have friends i think they are colleagues who have been kind to me. i can't call my t i don't know when she goes away to montreal but ihave emailed her. i'm getting stuck in the darkness.

[allthegirls6]

Caroline,

You are not alone. You have friends, family and we are all here. I know its not the same as someone coming up to you in real life and holding you close, but we care and if I could pull youin close for a cuddle I would.

Im really thinking about you and sending you lots and lots of love and warmth.

((((((((((((((((((((CAROLINE)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))0
From all the girls.
and a x FROM iRIS

[allthegirls6]

Caroline,

I know its hard for you. Ive been there, feeling like im never going to get out of a black hole. But honestly things will get better, you got to keep working at it and moving forward and taking care of yourself at all times. It is possible and I know you will get through this bad time you have just now. You can PM me anytime.

All the girls

this place is dark and scary

i can't do anything

alice

[kimmydawn]

alice, maybe you could lie down and take a nap or do something with your hands to keep the body busy. i know it's hard.

i'm sorry you're feeling so dark and scared.

kd

[CedarS]

I am imagining a comfy blanket for you if you wish and wonderful soft light. Candles and filtered sunlight and any type of light that is soothing and helpful.

Safe place where you can rest, play, do whatever you like or nothing at all.

Alice, our good wishes and caring are with you.

I watched some tv
I had a meal
I phoned my pastor & spoke to his wife.

These helped but I am scared again now cos i have done them. Speaking to lorraine really helped though.
It's nearly 9pm so i can go to bed soon.
what can i do till then? I don't want to quilt cos i need big c for that or i will get it wrong.

I'd like to go into chat but that's a bit scary.
alice

thank you sarah that sounds like a nice place. but i don't know how to get there.
I have a special room with a sand box and big windows and a chalk board. I had forgotten about my special place. do you think i could go there?
thank you - i had forgotten and lost my special place but now i can see it again. lots of things to play with.
alice

[CedarS]

Alice,

I am so glad that you can see your special place! You get to make it any way you want, and you get to travel there safely whenever you wish. It is all yours, you have the key.

Lots of things to play with sounds very fun. Good job, you found your special place, you deserve good things.

You get to be safe and secure, you get to enjoy whatever you wish.

Sarah

[Fuzzybear]

sorry you are hurting (((((((((((((((Alice))))))))))))))))
(sorry I am no help today)

thank you sarah
we had lost our special place but you reminded us of it. now we can use it when alice needs somewhere safe and is scared. it will be very useful. now we all (alice, shula and elsie) have our own safe places. we just need to find baby's now.
elsie, shula and alice.

thank you fuzzy. you are a good kind friend. your picture makes me smile. can you sned it to me in a message so i can always loook at it when i feel scared?
do you think i can have a little fuzzy bear like you in my safe special place?
alice

[CedarS]

elsie, shula, alice,

Congrats on all finding your own safe places! You will find baby's safe place easily too. You all, each of you, deserve safety and security and fun.

Sarah

(I want to change your subject now to say.......Very Safe, Very Deserving......something like that. )

((((((((((elsie, shula, alice))))))))
glad you are in safe places now. i just saw your post. deedee sends a blankie if anyone needs it. Vicki says "hey!!"
w_i

thank you all.

dee dee baby will love your blanket and says ta

vikki shula says she has missed seeing you.

caroline

thank you sarah

Feeling like I am going down again now it is evening so am going to take a valium as dr suggested.

caroline

[CedarS]

Caroline,

Time to get cozy and comfortable if you can. I'm doing the same, going to take helpful meds and do things that help me feel safe and secure.

I am coasting down too, yet I know it is okay, this will pass. And down doesn't have to necessarily be bad, it can be a time for me, for quiet maybe or good music. For comfort. I might draw with colors in my journal.

Sarah