[__zh]

lightbulb moment in therapy today.

difficult to express but will try.

I (__zh adult female) had a completely WOW moment when my therapist said something about resentment. Information was being relayed that was revelatory to me about inner workings. (sometimes wonder if this is what alcoholics who black out feel like when hearing about things they have NO recollection of)

As therapist was going on about something I interrupted with a question 'people don't resent themselves usually do they?' and the response was 'no, people generally resent any number of things but not themselves...self-hatred and dislike are very different from resentment.'

I was floored by this. It made perfect sense for so much confusion I've had. Over the years dealing with major depression and PTSD and all the other jolly fun things I've faced I thought all negative inner talk could be chalked up to the diseases/disorders.

I have my own issues of insecurity, self doubts, negative feelings directed at self and so on.......but not resentment. People deal with shame, guilt, anger, fear, and so on but self resentment? or other self resentment in this case? So much is obvious to many yet this was discovering sliced bread for me today.

I have no idea if this makes sense yet this understanding was hugely important and shifted much inside that will later show the changes from such a large piece of the puzzle being found.

I was told to be like a union negotiator in my approach to this inner crowd and firmly compromise as best able.

I guess I'll learn how.

Today's session was crystal clear to me after a certain point. It feels strange to feel so solo at the moment as after this talk with therapist inside went silent and into the chambers. So right now it is very much me and feels odd. Also weird to write in the non plural but it was necessary in expressing my thoughts separate from the collective.

[Fuzzybear]

I am glad you had a fruitful therapy session, those lightbulb moments are cool,
Sometimes I get those feelings like self hatred and resentment mixed up so your post helped me too,
Take care,
Fuzzy

[allthegirls6]

ZH,

It is amazing when something hits home. I remember realising that not everyove wants to die every single day. That was how I was living my life at the time and I thought everyone else felt the same. Then one day my therapist told me that it wasnt that way for most people and that the reason I felt like that was because something pretty bad had happened to me.

Anyway, its life changing isn it??????

Good luck to you and may you have many more Light bulb moments

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((zh))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))000

All the girls

[kimmydawn]

(((((((((((((zh))))))))))))))

how wonderful! i realized something simlilar to that recently as well...regarding "i" things that i thought were strictly inside doings.

see, i always thought, when i lost time, that insiders just "jumped out" and took it from me. with the larger picture i have now, i can see so clearly that it was mostly me. it was me that had the panic response (mainly due to feelings touching me) then i would unconsciously turn and run. alot of times, those inside who could best deal had to literally "run" out.

these things that we realize can be life changing. WOW on your progress friend.

wishing you continued success,

kd

so much revelation in one place--trying to absorb it. hmm. pretty foggy right now so i can't give a good comment. but all said is food for thought.
w_i