Now I know that no one took care of us. No one protected us. Truth hurts. We're a no body, a big blob of nothing that got kicked, beat, scr**ed and pushed aside. OR ignored. It hurts. It hurts so much that I think my heart is bleeding.
I'm a nothing. I'm just a big f**ked up mess.
Vicki

[Zorah]

(((((Vicki)))))
Everything we have retrieved of our memories has been pain, & more pain
You are not a nothing, just because some stupid bigs treated you badly.
Raven Girl.

[shadowdancer]

i care. and you are NOT nothing. i agree with Raven Girl. they are the ones that are the f**ked up messes. tis their fault for hurting you guys in the first place. you are somebody to me and i am glad that you are here.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR at everyone who has ever hurt you. i wish i could make them pay.

take care and stay safe, Vicki.

-shadow

I don't think I want to take care or stay safe. I know I have to. That's the only reason.
Vicki

Raven girl
how do you deal????
Vicki

[Zorah]

(((((Vicki)))))

One of us insists that we begin this post with the ancient joke, "How do I cope ?" "With great difficulty." Sorry for warped Aussie sense of humour. The system is in a defensive mode atm.

This is how Raven Girl manages, as far as the system can work it out. More may follow.
For a start, you may need to know more abt Raven. She's about 17 to 19, she's rather reckless & careless of the body sometimes, but not as much recently. She's often negative, & still gets quite depressed.
Anyway she manages by saying lot's of different stuff to herself, she learned to do this from the bigs, although she thinks the bigs are too stuffy for words & she doesn't like Seven either, they argue now all the time.
Sorry, strayed off subject a bit there lol.
Back to the topic : Raven tells herself this stuff to help her cope, different bits for different times :

She says the bigs must have been too stupid to know that what they were doing would harm her.

She says, well THEY must have been screwed up, not me.

Sometimes she lets herself hate them for a while.

She says, she musn't hate herself bacause she wouldn't even exist if she hadn't been born from pain, so it's not her fault she exists.

She says, NEVER BLAME YOURSELF, none of it was your fault whatever others in your system, or people iirl say.

She says, well if they were too stupid to love me, that's their loss.

We don't know whether this will help at all, but hang on in there Vicki, PM any time, you or any of your others.

I'm 14/15 but I told our T that w_i birthday is Monday and I want to be 16 but I don't want to have to act or really be older. She said I could be 16 if I want so I can drive. But sometimes I act like I'm 14.
Raven girl sounds like me!! I like what she said that if they were too stupid to love me, that's their loss. That's real cool.
Sometimes I wish I died or not been born. But I didn't and I got born now I have to deal. Unless I do something to hurt us. But no one in the system wants me to hurt us. I'm learning that from before when I tried. Now I am trying to think of other ways instead. I guess maybe the bigs were stupid. But the Mother told me I was stupid. She told me that stuff that happened really didn't and I had to tell her that nothing ever happened that did. So that's confusing. And NOW I'm told stuff really DID happen. Go figure that out.
I think I'm doing better, I think. Thank Raven girl for her stuff. She can talk to me too. I don't have anyone my age--even tho she's older.
Vicki

{{{{ Raven Girl & Vicki }}}}

I'm so glad you found each other.

Petunia

(((((((((((((((w_i))))))))))))
((((((((((((((Vicki)))))))))))

Caroline