[Omers]

I have been the primary part, the face of the system for 17 years now. But the system is getting stronger (I know this is a good thing even though it doesn't feel like it). I am never out alone anymore and so often now I am not out at all. I feel like I am fading into the past. I have always known that I was just a "functional part" created for a specific "service" to the system. I worry about all the projects I have started... if others will step up and carry them on. I know the part that seems to be taking the lead and wonder what direction she will take things in. She has gotten us in a lot of trouble in the past, I hope she has grown up since then. Although T said that she won't work with parts because we are "too messy" she seems to like this new part better. I watch them laugh and smile together but can't hear anything they are saying. It feels like I am dying but they forgot to tell the body so it just keeps moving along.
God this is strange.
Not in a bad space just in a strange one, a place very few people outside of here would understand.

[Gus1234U]

i'm glad you were able to come out and share that with us,, it is hard to watch one's children grow up and go out on their own, there is always some risk, you can't protect them forever, but you can be proud of the way they were taught and cared for, you did that, and they will never forget, they will always remember you, you are not gone, but on vacation,, {{{{{*****}}}} Gus

[Jewels]

i can relate to that omers...i have been the "out front" person for a very long time, and it is just recently that others have begun to step up and be out on their own, or with someone watching over them...i understand the feelings of being now in the background, and sometimes not even that close to "the action". i feel worthless at times, even though i knew this time would come, and the others would want to be out with me, or at least looking over my shoulder. you are right, it is not a bad space to be in, just a strange one...i am out less and less these days, although it tends to be somewhat strange when i am out for more than a couple of days...i guess it is time that we jewels find a new job for me so that it will not be a difficult transition to being more in the background...

there is nothing wrong with being in the background...but i do think that your system should find you a new job you can do so that the feelings you are having won't be so hard to handle...

you will never go away, you will never die, you always will be, i think you are wondering if you will die...but you won't...you are too valuable for that...my T says when it seems like we are going to die, then there is something that is going on within that is distressing you...perhaps you are not co-conscious with this new part that is taking control right now...and if you are not, then there could be repercussions if, as you say, she got you into a lot of trouble before. stay alert, stay vigilant so that you can step in if need be to ward off any potential problems...

i wish you well...

Jewels

[(JD)]

There may not be any reason for any part of you to disappear completely, as often the "services" can change with the times, just like we singletons adjust over time. I doubt your projects will go undone if they are important to your system. I also doubt that you will fade away unless you wish to, and if / when necessary.

If you really are still concerned, why not write in a journal all about your projects and wishes concerning them?

[Omers]

Thanks everyone. Today has been a crappy day and coming here to find support means a lot.
I worry most about my son (he was not a group decision) and finances. The part that is starting to emerge more is about 19 and just not mature in some ways.
T says she won't work with parts but she does seem to favor the new one so I don't have her for support. Massage therapist is better and knows the parts but I am so afraid to lean on her. She seems too good to be true and I don't want the illusion to end.
The other problem is that the part that is taking the lead is easily manipulated into having sex and we have a "not safe" person in our life. He manipulated her once and then purposely triggered her once to get his needs met.


Thanks

[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

I'm sorry you are going through this, truly. I hope you find what you are looking for and things become easier for you. I don't think that you will be "dieing" especially if you don't feel like you are ready to. I am the "core" of this operation and do not know anyone, if anyone, that is in my head, only what others tell me. I could not imaging feeling as if I were going to die because someone took over. I do however know the feeling of fading, feeling like you are being sucked into blackness (this comes with the non co consciousness I experience). My main fear however is the unknown, who will be here when I'm not, what they will do, how long until I can come back, so many fears. I could not imagine what you, or any alters within anyone, would feel. My hearts go out to all of you core and alts.

We are all here for support, we are all equally important whether we be the core or the ones protecting the core, we all hold our part and are all needed. Otherwise you wouldn't be there correct? I am so sorry you feel this way but you are needed and I'm sure you are loved and unforgotten. Just hold on when you feel like you're fading. Keep pushing forward and things will be ok.

Hugs if ok!