confused about my system shifting

Hi....it's been a while since we've been in the forums. Things were going pretty smoothly for a while, comparatively speaking from before that.
Anyways, we have did and we've been mostly co conscious for quite a while. About 2 weeks ago we noticed communication between our parts was smoother. And that we weren't as scared to do some things that really used to scare us. So we tried working more internally and tried using the smoother communication to do a thing that is hard for us. Our t and I started talking about integration. Not lose all our parts kind of integration but parts still being there and not having the walls up between the parts.
My little ones are freaking out. They don't want to go away.
I don't know if this is the beginning of the walls coming down or the beginning of integration or the beginning of us going crazy again?
We're hoping people might have ideas or experiences that they can relate to us to help us?
we is rlle skrd an md an skrd an sd

Please don't be scared. No one is going away. No little ones will be lost. You will all be together more. Like a big loving family. It will be all right. (((Kasva)))

Thank you for responding to us Calista 12. You made the little ones feel better. It was nice talking to you guys after dd group last night. Thank you again...take good care........Kasva

Im an integrated person. none of my alters died or went away. everyone experiences integration differently because everyone has their own way that their system of alters are. So I cant tell you which integrates when. I can tell you what happened with me. first I was all these alters with their own way to be with no co consciousness, and a very few alters that I had some co consciousness with. the ones I could here were the ones that integrated with me first. I couldnt communicate with them or make them do anything or have them come out on demand or anything like that. but I could hear their voices. when I hears what they were saying I tried to take care of that problem. I did that for a long time then one day after taking care of this one voices problems for a while I didnt hear that voice anymore. at first it scared me to have no voice in my head talking about the things that voice would say. I picked up the phone and called my therapist. she helped me calm down and then she asked me questions about things that alter that belonged to that voice knew and I didnt before. but that day on the phone I knew the answers to every one of my therapists questions. I started crying this time because I was happy. that alter didnt die or go away, that alter was joined with me now. Everything that was that alter was now me too. I was so happy. I wasnt going to be dissociating into that alter anymore because she was now together with me. this alter integrating with me made my life easier, less complicated and I had more time to accomplish things I needed to. what happened with that alter integrating with me happened with each one of my alters over about a yr or more space of time. each integration was that fast that simple and that easy. with each integration I had to learn how to deal with being an integrated person that no longer heard that voice. no longer dissociated into those separate alters. there was no need for their voices and dissociating because they were right here with me.

Talk with your treatment providers they know you and will be able to tell you a bit more about integration and how they expect it to be for you.

All of you is special and has purpose. We are very much one whole person, and we are aware and co-conscious almost always now. You can all share memories and stories and still be who you are. My Little One is very much wanting to remain who she is. And my T and I both agree that it is not a problem at all for that to happen.

Let your healing be yours. Let it be natural and done with love.

kasva.... i have been coconcious for long time now..i think t can be different and have different ideas for people with did... for us and our t says ts have changed over time in treating DID... t says there is no need and many ts feel.. there is no need to intergrate to get "better" key is everyone cooperating and getting along... this is fine with us.... we go with the flow....we no longer fear the "I" word... for us at least for now ...maybe in the future things will change naturally but we are fine and can get to our goals without integrating....i get the feeling you have a really good t... and he will help you in whatever way works for u! Hugs Kasva!!

When you say voices what is it that you hear? Only once in my life I have heard a voice of a man clearly in my head. And he only said one thing one time. But I have always had thoughts in my head that I think of as moods. My thoughts talk to each other, but I don't hear a voice I just know what they are saying. There is not male voice or female voice. They have a presense that will be male or female but no sound of a voice. And when they are talking to each other it is about something I did or something I am going to do. So if someone doesn't want to go to the therapist I will get a load of thoughts giving me reasons why I don't need to go to therapy. Or is I forgot to pay a bill I will get a chastizing about focusing and getting things done. Sometimes the thoughts will be me a name but never to the point where I feel upset. They do speak to me in a way I would not speak to another person. I have been thinking about that lately because of something my therapist said. When I try to explain this to my therapist I don't think she fully understands what it is I am trying to say. I hope this makes sense. I don't like to go back and read what i wrote because sometimes I will change it or delete it. Do you understand the difference between hearing voices and hearing thoughts?

I had two kinds of voices - those that were the result of having alters and the other audio hallucinations because of my bipolar. Sometimes both affected me in different ways. Sometimes they affected me in very similar ways.

dont try to fit your voices in with this block or that block or what others say they have. there are many ways people with DID hears voices.

example - this person hears them inside their head, that person hears the voices outside their head, this one hears persecution voices, that one hears calming ones, this one hears crying that one hears no crying, this person hears them all the time, this person rarely hears voices, this person only hears the voices under stress or trauma....

theres also many different reasons why a person hears voices example ear infections, and other physical health problems have the symptom of hearing voices, as does things like poor nutrition, sleep deprivation, stress, anxiety, and many mental disorders also have the symptom of hearing voices.

Only a treatment provider can tell you why you are hearing voices and what they are from, whether its a physical or mental problem.

my suggestion contact your treatment provider. they will be able to answer your questions as they pertain to you and your problems.

But are they voices that you actually hear with different tones or are they thoughts? Everyone says voices. I don't hear a sound I just know what they are thinking. Is that the same thing? It's important.

why is it important to you to know whether or not I perceive my voices to be the same as what you are going through...

everyone regardless of mental disorder has their own internal mental system and each persons internal system is how ever they need it to be. how ever and what ever is going on with you is the way it is for you. no body here is going to be exactly like you.

here on psych central it is you that must tell us whether you hear voices or not and how you perceive things. we are not allowed to diagnose you.

mental disorders and mental problems are not things you can point a finger at and say this person hears voices this way so I must be that way too, or what ever.

voices can come to people in many different ways. So can thoughts. only your treatment providers can tell you whether what you are going through is voices, thoughts or any other thing you are trying to figure out.

my suggestion if you want to know whether what is happening to you is voices and thoughts with DID or any other dissociative disorder contact your treatment provider. there are tests that they can do to tell you how to distinguish voices and thoughts and what they are part of.

now your question does / did my voices come /came to me as audible voices with different tones or did / do they come to me as thoughts? for me it happens both ways.

for someone else it may not. everyone has their own internal system that is set up for how ever they needed it to be in order to survive.

again it doesnt matter whether how I perceive my voices compared to you. we dont compare each other to each other here on psych central. we recognize everyone is different and has their own way that mental disorders affect them.

I or any other member here may not be the same as you and you may not be the same as me or any other members here...

thats ok. here its ok to be different and not be carbon copies of each other.

its ok that you dont hear think you are hearing voices but through thoughts know what your internal system is doing.

and again for diagnostics surrounding your problems its better to contact a treatment provider not try to fit yourself into being how ever others are.

I have a good therapist who's focus is DID and related issues. My last effort to deny my state is voices. If I don't have audiable voices in my head than maybe it's not DID. That is why it was important to me. When I speak with my therapist I don't think she really gets the difference between audiable voices and thought. She is a good therapist but she has never heard voices. I did once a long time ago. I know the difference. I just wanted to know from someone who has experienced something similar to what I have. I didn't know about the test for voices. I will ask her about that. I am not sure if my thinking is correct but that one issue has been the thing that I have held on to to deny my having DID. I am having a difficult time, even in the face of the obvious, accepting my diagnosis. Some of my moods absolutely don't want this to be true. I am not sure if they are afraid something will happen to them. Because it won't and I have told them that. I am also only finding out now that not all my moods know each other. And I think that is also a concern for some. They are finding out that there is stuff going on that they don't know about. I will mention these concerns to my therapist. Maybe saying it out loud I can move past the fear. I appreciate your response. Thank you.

the tests arent for "voices". example your therapist wont here the voices that you are hearing. the tests are to diagnose mental disorders such as DID. and other dissociative disorders. it is a very long process that now days is very accurate in diagnosing mental disorders as long as the person being tested is cooperative and doing it with complete honesty.

Hi Kasva

hi hunny! thank you!

usually here, it is thoughts and feelings expressed, sometimes just feelings. sometimes the thoughts even have faint tones to them. but it doesn't haplen all the time here. latley there has been loud voices that is diffrent and only bits of stuff. all diffrent tones. almost like if u were on a phone and only heard a piece of what they were saying, but really clear and really loud. i know its not on the outside but it sounds like it almost as if it comes from not outside the ear nor the brain, but the middle ear. those has just started very recently but then i also not been sleeping its gotten so bad to 20mins- 1 hrs sleep is all i get a day now. and i have dark green/purple/grey colors around my eyes, on them, and even over crossing my nose. and lots of stress here. and quite a lot put on by us, then even more cause we try to sleep and we just cant. but up until recently i never considered it hearing voices. just because i wasn't having any thing through my ears. just in my mind and never mean or anything. the one i hear and feel most is cute, funny, and sweet. with being frantic and scared depeneding. shes also right ;-) even when she not. (and right now i hear "take that back!" ^.^;; ) but she and i am the closest. she was scared even at first on me. but neither of us liked being alone and often keep eachother company. more so on good days, less so when things such as sleep deprivation and stress or panic is and issue.