Don't know what happened...

This is kinda long...My mom and dad died in 99 and my mom and I were close...Every year around her b-day I have a really tough time...But this year something really weird happened...The week prior to mom's b-day I thought about it coming up but really wasn't depressed about it...But the day before her b-day I was taking a shower and I had these thoughts in my head like a voice was telling me what to do as I took my shower...If she said hurry I would hurry or whatever, and then the voice would say mommy loves you and your a good girl etc...I started to say yes mommy etc...The thoughts stayed with me and I got on the net and went to another BPD forum, then the weird part really got weirder...The voice told me I was bad (I'm not going into detail cause I don't want to upset anyone) and that I had to do bad things to myself...I started saying I'll be good to the voice...Anyways while I was on the other forum I felt and acted like a child, I wrote as if I was a child...One of the other poster tried to mother me (I guess thats what you would call it) and this voice in my head got furious...It took everything in my power to not rage at the member...I was so angry that my body shook...To make a long story short the thoughts stayed with me all day and the next day which would of been mom's b-day and the night of her b-day the thoughts disappeared and I've been fine since...People on the other board said I split, I've never done that and I haven't had this problem since...Does anyone have any idea what may of happened...JB

I can guess at what might've been going on, and I would have a few guesses on that. I've had a couple of "different" things happen since father's death.

Are you in therapy at all? If so, what does your t say about it?

With me, I've always had the thoughts that I have. I just never knew that everyone didn't. However, every person has different issues within any disorder. So, it's really hard.

I wish you more than well. Also, I'm very sorry about your loss.

We're all here and listening...

KD

Hi...Kimmy...I haven't seen my T since this happened, I won't see her until March 7th...JB

((((((((((((JFB)))))))))))))

Dear JFB, Hi, do you keep a journal? It might help you to write down what has been going on so you can share it all with your therapist when the time comes. My 2 cents is to give yourself permission to just observe, notice your uniquenesses without judgements, and prepare to amaze yourself.....

Thanks!

Hi JFB. Anniversary dates are always tough. Of course no one knows for sure what you went through, but I'm glad you were strong enough to keep yourself safe!

Good to hear you see your T soon. It sounds like you are beginning to heal from some things, imo. You feel safe enough to begin to think about things that upset you maybe?

(((safe hug)))

Hi...I use to keep a journal but don't anymore...

Sky...Yeah, I think things are going to start getting easier..JB